Keep Refining Your Inner Child
As we keep evolving so should inner child evolve
A lot of what we are at present is because of the experiences we had in the past. When we want some change in ourselves in the present then it invariably also requires touching the inner child and making it behave in a manner that suits us in the present. In this article, I shall delve deeper into the topic and provide insights.
What is the inner child?
The inner child is a part of ourselves from the past which has its own personality. If the person as a child felt physically and emotionally secure then the inner child will be happy otherwise it may be fearful and with low confidence. The inner child has a very big impact on who we are as a person in the present.
When we face any situation in the present then the automatic response that we will have is highly dependent upon what kind of inner child do we have within us. If we had a happy childhood leading to our inner child being fearless then at present our response for most situations will be assertive and full of confidence.
If at present we lack confidence then it may be because our inner child was fearful and lacked confidence. How much ever we try to change our current selves, complete transformation cannot be achieved until we also heal the inner child.
Can inner child change?
Most people just go with the flow of life and do not revisit their inner child. It may work for some provided their inner child is happy and full of confidence but for others, some work needs to be done. Thankfully, there are techniques available in psychology through which one can change the inner child.
Reparenting the inner child
If a person as a child felt insecure either physically or emotionally then the inner child may become fearful. Reparenting is a technique through which the inner child can again be made to feel secure.
Reparenting is giving your inner child what it didn’t receive as a child. It is often accomplished by self-counseling. We as an adult gain knowledge about what is good and bad but unless and until we do not counsel the inner child, it will remain unchanged
Example: Inner child of a person may be emotionally broken and fearful because of the sexual thoughts that he had as a child in a conservative society. As a child, he may fear for his safety and may have guilt for holding such feelings. Also his parents, at that time, may not be able to address these feelings in him because of their own reasons. Thus we as an adult should do self-counseling and make the inner child feel secure. We ourselves should act as a protective figure in the life of the inner child and tell him that sexual feelings are normal and that he should actually be proud of it. After this self-counseling, the inner child will transform into a more confident child and this transformation will have a ripple effect on our current selves. Surprisingly we will see evident changes in our behavior.
Catharsis
The reparenting technique through self-counseling may not be so easily done if there is an immense amount of fear in the inner child. So first this fear should be removed and catharsis may play a role here. In catharsis, we first relax and then get in touch with the feelings of discomfort from childhood experience. We then engulf ourselves in the fear or discomfort and vent our frustration and anger through various means such as fast breathing, etc. After this process, the level of fear in the inner child will be substantially removed and the reparenting technique can be applied safely.
Details of catharsis have been explained in the following articles:
The process of catharsis explained in terms of software development analogy
Does an empty mind make you feel restless?
Refining inner child
“As we evolve our perception changes and what we may consider inappropriate earlier may look acceptable now”
We should not just keep this improved perception to ourselves at present but also impart it to our inner child.
The process of catharsis and reparenting is not a one time process. When we apply the two processes on the inner child then a change is observed in the inner child that in turn leads to change in current behavior. But there may not be a significant change in the confidence of the inner child in the first attempt only. We need to apply the two processes again and again till we make the inner child secure and fearless.
Example: After doing catharsis and self-parenting for the first time on the inner child in relation to sexual thoughts, we may remove some of his fear and guilt but still the inner child may not be confident in approaching the opposite sex and express his feelings. It is only after a few numbers of the session that he may have the confidence to approach the opposite sex and express his feelings. This transformation in the inner child will cause our current selves to also see the effect and we shall also be comfortable in holding the sexual thoughts.
Conclusion
The inner child has a huge impact on who we are at present. Healing ourselves in the present is not possible by neglecting our inner child. We should apply the techniques of catharsis and reparenting to heal the inner child. These techniques should not be applied just once but in multiple rounds to finally get the inner child to a more confident, secure, and happy state. It is then that we at present might experience the fruit of it and become happy and peaceful.
