Many Layers Deep.

Have you ever noticed how often the daily interactions with those around you are shallow and half-hearted? Most of are walking around in auto pilot producing the same thoughtless questions and answers multiple times a day. It seems there are three Layers of depth that we choose to present.

One Layer deep.
This is the person who avoids human interaction. they will choose the less crowded isle at the least popular store. They will avoid phone calls with anyone who might “talk too much” when contact is unavoidable they will offer only close-ended answers. At the first opportunity, they will part ways sometimes without so much as a goodbye.
The problem with this layer is not only are they missing out on a plethora of conversations and relationship opportunities but they are exerting large amounts of energy to do it. which create anxiety and emphasizes the discomfort they fear in the first place.

Two Layers deep
This person doesn’t intentionally avoid contact. Instead, they go about business never really thinking about their general surroundings. They unintentionally view most people as fixed objects in the scenery of their existence. This layer is called autopilot and it’s where the vast population resides. Those in autopilot will accept interaction and have a conversation but the conversation will rarely dig deeper than the second layer of life’s surface. Conversations here typically sound like the same ones you’ve had every day of your life. last night’s game, the weather and any other topic that can end after three exchanged sentences. Most of the time you and the person on autopilot will completely forget about each other, your lives will go on. unmoved, unchanged, uninspired, and uninterrupted.

Three layers deep and deeper.
This is the person who actively shapes the scenery around them by using all their senses. They stop to smell the roses, listen to the birdsong, and take time to learn about you. This is the person who pauses time, while cream is stirred into coffee. learning that you are a tired single mother of three and though your divorce was hard it was necessary and life hasn’t beaten you down. That your personality is sunshine bright and you would change jobs just to wear your favorite jeans to work. Cinnamon will forever remind you of grandma’s snickerdoodles and while this complete stranger is listening so intently the smile on your face has grown into a beautiful gift that for the rest of your day will be shared with those around you.

So how can you transition from layer to layer?

Stop Avoidance!
The more you avoid people and interaction the less opportunities will present themselves. This isn’t rocket science. Don’t intentionally sabotage yourself by taking the long way around or avoiding that phone call. Doing this will make you feel guilty and in many cases create a pattern of yet more avoidance.

Listen
Awhile back I wrote a post on the values of listening, titled Are you a great listener? but if I could stress just one thing from my experience on the art of listening it’s this.

“It is best while listening to listen and nothing else.”

Forget About Time
In order to take a genuine interest, you have to be present. This can take time. If you create an opportunity to lose yourself in the moment. Time will fade away and you will realize afterward that time isn’t as restricting and unyielding as you think. So much life can be shared in the moment.

Process Your Environment.
Everything that surrounds you in this moment will enhance the memory. you will notice how the cream swirling into the coffee resembles the smooth rhythm of your conversation and the how the cinnamon covered doughnut is what triggered the thought of snickerdoodles, how the sun pouring through the window created warmth on your back, the tone of his voice somehow resembled the low keys of a piano and all together you will have created a symphony of feeling that accompany the memory. This is mindfulness.

Share Your Story
Open up, be vulnerable! Express your true feelings. If the opening question is “how are you, today?” don’t just reply “okay” Think about it and give a detailed description. offer a short story of why you feel this way and follow up with a thoughtful question. The conversations that can blossom after you open up are beautiful and countless layers deep.

I hope this article takes you deep into the many colorful layers of life. So much can be gained from even one layer deeper than you have ever gone before. Don’t get stuck where you are. Dive in, be vulnerable and share in life’s wonders because of it.

I hope you liked my message. Please press the little heart and let me know your thoughts by commenting. It would mean so much and I would be happy to have a deeply layered conversation with any of my readers.
feel free to email me. writeforeachother@gmail.com
Thanks in advance!