My Dirty Little Secret
Why I Don’t Tell People I’m a Writer
I can count the number of people with whom I’ve shared my dream of becoming a writer on one hand. And three of those are members of my immediate family. Let me clarify by adding “published fictional” to further punctuate and perhaps complicate this writer's dream.
When it comes to our deepest desires, it’s often terrifying to think of letting people in on our hopes. For me, I think a lot of the secrecy stems from not wanting to have to be faced with blank stares or endless questions. I know plenty of writers who have frightening tales of responses from mostly well meaning friends and relatives. They range anywhere from, “so when will your book be published?” to “are you sure you have what it takes?”
People outside of the craft often don’t understand the time involved in the whole process — you might be five thousand words in on a first draft and they expect an autographed hardback in their hands by next Christmas.
Hint: It doesn’t usually happen that fast people! We only wish it did.
Or, they don’t realize just how vulnerable we writers really are. One raised brow at the family reunion from our beloved Uncle Joe, who will forever see us as the kid who once dreamt of being a magicianteacherartistninjaswordfighter, can have the bile of self doubt churning up all sorts of reasons why we’ll never make it in this biz. The hard work, determination, thick skin and perseverance isn’t for everyone.
When people verbalize their hopes, maybe even more so than their fears, they crack open a vulnerable place within themselves. Letting people see that part of ourselves is scary. Even more so than facing mediocre reviews or throwing our words out to a critique group for the first time.
And even when it comes to the few people whom I’ve let in on my dirty little secret, I’m still heavily guarded.
When I have a new idea I often don’t share it. At least I’ve learned not to go into too much detail. The early planning stages of a new story idea is precarious ground to tread. The last thing I need if I’m bouncing vague ideas around is for someone to ask me what my book is about. I’m suddenly stricken by the inability to form coherent sentences. Kind of important for a writer, no?
“Well, it’s about this guy…no a woman…She’s this average woman who’s an ordinary mom. Except she has this ability to see the future. Maybe she just woke up like that one day. Or maybe she always had it. I don’t know yet. Anyway, her kids can never get away with anything. And then…”
By then I’ve lost them, and I’ve all but talked myself out of even giving my idea half a chance.
It was a stupid idea anyway. Maybe I should just go back to the one about…
If this sounds familiar, then you will understand how incredibly draining it can all be on one’s creativity. It stifles us before anything’s had time to take root, to sit with us and stew in our already crowded heads.
How do you overcome this fear of being found out?
Maybe you don’t.
I don’t really worry about whether or not I’m ever going to come clean anymore. It’ll happen when it should happen if it happens at all. I’ve let my select few in on my little secret; mainly because most of them live with me and would wonder what the hell I’m doing when I’ve been caught trying on various facial expressions in order to best describe one to readers.
Other than that, I’m in several online closed writing groups (here’s one) and post to social media using my nom de plume (find me here or here) so I can have a persona that’s separate from my personal page. It frees my mind up for some creative breathing space if I don’t have to worry that someone will ask, “so what have you published?” and call me out on the fact that I haven’t. Yet. But I’m working on it.
These writing groups have writers in all manner of stages. Some just write for the pure fun of it, others have already been published several times over, and then there’s everyone else, like me, who are somewhere in between. The right mix of individuals can be a wealth of information and inspiration.
It can also help to not feel so alone as you continue to work towards your writing goals. In fact, I think it’s imperative to belong to some sort of writer’s group, even if it’s fairly anonymous. Writing’s solitary work. Unless you count the cat who’s curled up on your keyboard, you may not interact with another living being. Sure, that’s fine for the actual writing process. But sooner or later you’re going to need people. That’s pretty profound stuff coming from a self-proclaimed introvert.
So here’s what you can do in the meantime:
- Try out one or two groups in your related genre(s). Remember, writers are readers first and foremost.
- Find a few online groups geared toward the craft of writing in general. Sometimes it’s good to gain a new prospective.
- Contribute to said groups on a regular basis. Avoid engaging in the pitfalls of social media drama.
- Build a platform using a pen name. Facebook, Twitter, a blog, even Medium are great places for this.
- If you have a local writing group in your area and you build up the courage, go check them out. Or maybe find one a town or two away. This works well if you want to feel more incognito. You can live out your alter ego.
- Know that it’s okay if you decide not to share your dreams of becoming a published author (or even a magicianteacherartistninjaswordfighter) with everyone in your life right now. And it’s also perfectly fine if you do. It makes no difference on the validity of those hopes and dreams. Either way, they’re still real. Still very much within reach.
- Trust that you’ll know when the time is right to share your secret with the world. I talk a little more about that in this post here.
What about you? Do you tell the world of your writing dreams or are you happy to keep things under wraps for now?
Feel free to share your thoughts. Your secret’s safe with me!
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Delaney Croft is an author of urban fantasy and speculative fiction. Occasionally she dabbles in other random stuff like the article above. Find her on: Faceboook~@authordelaneycroft Twitter~@delaneycroft or Email~delaney@delaneycroft.com
