My Pretended Affair On Medium

You guys, I think I am involved in a pretend affair on Medium. One that I did not even realize I was a part of until I got up at 2:00 this morning to pee.

I opened my phone as I was sitting there, concentrating hard on peeing and getting back under the warm covers, and saw these strange comments from a man I really don’t even know, or much less knew about before the comments started.

First, he saw my writing titled These Eyes. He commented on it “Love You ❤” and of course added the cute little heart. I replied back with “That is one hell of a compliment, thank you ❤” and in no way did I mean it in any other form than thank you, except I made the mistake of adding that cute little heart back on my reply. I use the heart a lot, maybe because I think it is cute, maybe because I have heart, maybe because sometimes I don’t know what else to say other than ❤.

Then there were comments. The next one said “I very much so love my wife, sorry goodbye” and her name was used as tags, I assume, was tagged twice on that comment. Deana, Deeana, Dena, whatever it was, I think she must have caught John doing something naughty more than once, because this is a strange comment. And then he highlighted a part of my story and literally told me to leave him alone.

I do not know this man, I do not know his wife, I do not know what the fuck just happened? Is this normal on Medium? Do I have a strange stalker? Am I famous now? Was this affair good?

Here is the truth of it all. When I write, I am normally writing very specifically about one person. This person doesn’t just randomly turn into a strange dude on Medium that I decide to write about instead. My heart, it belongs to the person that I write about, no one else.

So, for anyone else who mistakenly believes that I am having an online affair with them or their spouse, please understand that I do not have any more room in my heart for anyone else. Also, this was fucking weird and made me feel uncomfortable, and I do not like that, so word of advice, before you log onto your spouse, boyfriend, live in lover, fuckboys account and decide to comment on peoples shit, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are so fucking insecure that you feel it is appropriate to make rude and uncalled for comments on my, or anyone elses page, for that matter.

My pretend affair with you, it never happened, and whoever Deanna is or Deeana is or whatever little miss my name starts with a D is, back off motherfucker, you don’t know me like that. ;)

End rant.

My heart belongs in San Francisco, where I left it, I am letting him carry it around with him for a while until he realizes what he has. I don’t have time to have pretend affairs with strangers, and you shouldn’t either. Find a hobby, get a cat, seek therapy, but for cripe sakes don’t do what you did to me today because that was a dick move.