Providing value seems to be a common theme nowadays, we hear it from various thought leaders, such as Gary Vaynerchuck or Tom Bilyeu. I feel that the overarching idea that they are trying to advocate is to GIVE before you RECEIVE.

I feel that providing so much value is great in almost every kind of setting, be it in friendships or romantic relationships. However, the drawback of such a mindset could backfire at times. Because it is not the kind of value that you think the other person needs but instead, one should step into the shoes of another person to figure out what he or she needs.

I thought that providing value to someone just meant that if it is a gesture which I deem is good for you, then you MUST accept it, if not you are the one at fault. I had never thought about how the other person at the receiving end might feel about my actions. Because I was so tunnel visioned that I was only focused on what I could bring to the table that I forgot that ultimately my actions had to benefit the beneficiary and not my EGO.

Even after numerous failures, I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was the root cause. Until one day a good friend of mine pointed out was that my perspective of providing value is flawed. Because for me providing value is about improving one’s life, which is great right? However, what is not great is when you impose your idea of what improves the life of others without actually considering whether it really helps the other person or not. In that regard, does that provide value to anyone at all? I’m not saying that we should stop providing value altogether but we shouldn’t be imposing our definition of what is value adding onto others because it may not be what is good for them. I’m sure most of us do it with good intentions but we may not be right all the time.

Providing value would lose its significance if it isn’t accompanied with empathy. I’m sure we can relate to the moments when our efforts to help someone go unnoticed. We get upset when we don’t get the results we want but instead of giving up, we should try to think what can be done differently. Since our value to others can vary from each individual, we need to understand how is your value interpreted by the person you wish to help before you can go all in to help that person.

The onus is on us when it comes to what kind of legacy we want to leave behind. Forget all the praise and recognition that you think are going to get. Start thinking about how one can benefit instead.

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