The Day I Met a Spiritual Master
On a June morning in Santa Barbara, many years ago, I met J. Jaye Gold (Justin). I had been to his meetings before, but on this day, I decided I was ready to introduce myself. The first time I had seen him speak, I went on the recommendation of a friend, only to prove that this guy, “Justin” was, like most people, selling something he’d heard somewhere else to further whatever his agenda was. After hearing that money wasn’t involved, I did become a little curious. My friend had described him as a “great teacher,” saying that he was unusually wise. So having a facile and critical mind, and feeling myself able to make that assessment for myself, I decided to suss out the truth of this fellow.
When I approached the scene, it was different than I had imagined. People were sitting on beach chairs, all facing a wooden picnic bench. I picked a chair, somewhere on the outer edge and sat, listening to music for a while. I think there was a Bob Dylan song and one by Pink Floyd, there might have been another by Jewel. In the years since, I’ve learned how powerful music can be, the poetry and music helping one to “arrive” before sitting and listening to a meeting of this kind. On that day, I was surprised by the choices because they were not songs I thought of as “spiritual.”
When Justin sat down, I noticed there was nothing unusual about his looks. He wore regular clothes (jeans) and had a slight East Coast accent. When he started talking though, he surprised me right away, with a personal story about having been to the gym earlier that morning. I remember being struck by how spontaneous and unrehearsed he was. He talked about ordinary things in an extraordinary way. He was using something that had happened, just that morning, as an analogy for a lesson he was passing on to us. His insights about life and the human condition excited and intrigued me and his way of using personal stories, making them relatable, drew me in.
I found myself laughing, relaxing, and listening deeply.
I saw that there was something different with this person, and after a while, I started to suspect that it was something good. I didn’t really have ideas about enlightenment. I’d heard of saints of course, but those concepts didn’t come to my mind at the time.
After the meeting, he was still sitting on the bench. I approached him. There was a student seated next to him and other folks milling around. He sat with his hands down, holding the edge of the bench on either side of him, sometimes rocking forward a little and letting his arms take a bit of his weight. I presented myself by gently kneeling down directly in front of him, but then “confidently” and nervously, reached out my hand for him to shake. When I got ahold of his hand, I started pumping his arm up and down energetically. I said, still pumping, “I’m really glad to meet you,” stressing the word “really” trying to convey my feeling and my recognition. When my eyes found his I looked into “open-ness.” I remember seeing what I interpreted as warmth, knowing and good humor.
His response was completely unexpected. “So you get it!” he said, not as a question, but in a tone that suggested surprise. “Yes!” I immediately replied, “I get it!” my face exploding with happiness. After all, that was what I was trying to say, with all of my pumping and word stressing. I was giddy. I started entertaining possibilities I had never entertained before. There was something happening to me that was new. It was happiness on a whole new scale. Everything came into my view, literally. The present moment expanded and the past and future were held inside of it. A realization came over me that what had come before in my life, had been preparation for this phase that was about to begin. I had never experienced such a clear feeling of facing “home.” It felt glorious. I had just tripped over, through no skill or capacity of my own, someone who knew what the f — k was really going on. I had given up that possibility at an early age. I had assessed that everyone was faking it and so I was faking it too. But I was wrong. He wasn’t faking it …and he was willing to take me on.
So there I was, pumping both of my hands and one of Justin’s hands, up and down, up and down, with this giant, inside out grin on my face and then…I thought to myself…
“He must think I’m arrogant, acting like I know what’s going on. He must think I’m showing off. I have to show him that I’m not arrogant.” I let go of his hand. I became afraid. My face changed and I said, “I mean, I don’t get everything… there are lots of things you said that I didn’t get.” The look in his eyes didn’t change. He kept looking at me with that same undauntable understanding. As I looked back into his eyes, I saw myself. I saw the fear I had just succumbed to and how it had changed me. I also saw the juxtaposition of that manifestation with the one right before it. It was ludicrous. He saw all that too but I didn’t feel embarrassed, even though I did feel very exposed.
He was seeing me and my state but from what I had been hearing him talk about, I believed that he knew my condition was not a personal issue; it was the human condition.
He knew how to show me the way forward and I believed that he didn’t want anything from me. My hands went out and turned up, palms open. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at him as if to say, “This is what I’ve become and thank God you are finally here.”
That was the beginning of the journey I’ve been on for over 20 years…and it’s not over yet. I would not trade places with anyone else in the world. I have won the lottery of lotteries. I have been shown how to use life in subtle moments, to learn about myself and to explore internal landscapes. It is the adventure of a lifetime. I never know what’s next.
Thoughts and Ideas is also now on substack! thoughtsandideas.substack.com
