The Last First Kiss
There is something magical about a really good first kiss. Something even more beautiful in its rarity.
The unexpectedly incredible first kiss. There is a moment, perhaps a few seconds after your lips first meet, you just get lost in it.
There is danger in losing yourself, even for that one moment. With your guard down, it can open you up to feelings you didn’t have until a few minutes before. The danger of a great kiss is in its power to pull you in, make you weak in your knees, and open you up to potent feelings of desire.
He stumbled across the dance floor and reached out for my hand. He was pretty wasted. His elegance had come undone. But his smile shone brightly in the dimly lit club.
It had become our weekend ritual to head out to this club that we had frequented for just a few months. But we weren’t alone. Obviously not. As we had known each other for only a few months. We had a lot of friends in common and only met in groups of four or more.
He tilted his head back, running his intense gaze over my face.
“I love you” he said.
This simple statement threatened to change too many things. And he had no idea. I was leaving for Melbourne in the next few weeks for college and I was not going to mess that up.
“I know that you do”, I said, while I looked away from him.
What he had told me made me want to run barefoot through meadows and jump blindly into rivers. And being the hopelessly, sinfully, indulgent romantic that I am, I fully knew that he meant it. Every love story starts so perfectly, but nobody talks about the cruel sacrifices it demands along the way. I was just not ready for it.
Not yet.
Then he moved closer. Way too close. The magical pull between us was starting to weigh on me. The air was charged. So much so that when he reached out to cradle my cheek, I almost expected a zap.
“I really do love you.” He reassured me.
I turned to walk away. Who is he to come out of nowhere, and force me to feel things better left unfelt? I was certainly not willing to risk what I had worked year long for. I was almost at the stairs when a large, powerful hand closed on my upper arm, not a grip, but a gentle touch that halted me mid-step. My heart was pounding. My stomach breaking into wild flutters.
Slowly, so slowly, I turned.
He held my gaze squarely, as if daring me to look away as I had done earlier.
“You know I mean it” he said.
I couldn’t reply this time, even if I knew what to say. I couldn’t blink or even think. The only sound beside the dull music from the speakers inside, came from our shallow breaths. He led me slowly to the nearest table and sat me down on the wooden surface.
He leaned in and cupped my cheeks. His lips met mine and I lost all self-control. I got greedy and gave in. It was tender, so tender. Both heart-warming and heart-breaking at the same time. This could ruin everything. I knew it. It was stupid and incredible, all at the same time. I was dangerously on the cusp of caring too much for this man.
He may not even remember this by the morning. Let me not make a big deal out of this. I thought.
After the party and grabbing a quick bite that had sobered most of us up, we returned to his apartment where I had parked my bike. We were finally alone. I stood leaning against an unlit lamp post, while he brought out my bike from his building’s parking.
Shades of tangerine had started to spread wildly across the sky, marking the dawn of a new day. I knew I would soon be riding back and would not see him, most likely until the next weekend. His kiss would be glowing neon bright inside of me for days to come. I liked such moments. Pinning them to the pages of my journal like dried petals of my favorite flowers.
So, what if he doesn’t even remember it? And what if we never took this any further than this?
As if in answer to my thoughts, he walked towards me and pulled me close. He kissed me. Again. Slowly at first, drawing me in. And in that moment, I could have him for years and still want more.
“I love you, Tamanna. I have loved you ever since we first met, that cold December night. And I do not intend to stop anytime soon.”
And just like that, I knew my life would never be the same. He was my last first kiss. And remains so till this very day.
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