The Life of an Unmarried Woman in India
It’s not all fun and games!
“The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.”― Eric Berne
Perception of Indian society is that single, working men and women have lesser responsibility in life. Hence, they are the biggest victims of jealousy. Men face different sort of issues, while women have their own.
Real-life examples
Chandni and Roshni — two sisters in a backward village of Orissa, illiterate but working in a small land gifted to them by their dad before his death.
Brothers didn’t try to get them married. Both are in their 40s now. While the younger one, Roshni, is still fighting for her government grant for bad crops, the older one has now gone insane. Growing old alone in your hometown makes you more lonely especially when you see your friends busy in their lives. Some can’t handle the mental stress.
Lily aunty — 65-years-old, stays in her flat in Ahmedabad and is retired from a receptionist job. She has no income, some young kids of her relatives give her company. Financial crisis can beat you horribly, especially when no one is with you.
Tried her best to defeat depression, and luckily got a friend to support her emotionally before getting breast cancer. Yet tries to be cheerful despite the trauma. Yes, she is a fighter.
Jayanthi Akka — 46-years-old school, headmistress in a private school in a small village for the last 23 years. Earns 12 thousand per month since the government has not given a grant to the school.
Each of the teachers is asked to put extra work but they need time for their families, after all, she doesn’t have one. And most of her relatives have an evil eye for her savings. “Give it to us, we need for our kids!” is what they tell her. Nice isn’t it? If you have money, you have to brand yourself like a miser! If you get new clothes, someone or the other has to say who is going to see you anyway!
Nisha — Small town girl, 32-years-old, finished a nursing course, wants to spend her life in service to needy and God. She doesn’t want to get married, but her parents are scared to send her to a big city fearing the men. They are ok if she relocates after getting married. You need real courage to fight and to stay single, especially with parents.
Mira — 35-years-old, IT professional in Bangalore, she enjoys life in her way, works, drives and manages a decent house. But her female colleagues are dropped and picked up by their husbands and they are given less work to do. When it comes from the “work from home” option, the married with kids are allowed by their boss but not Mira since she doesn’t have a family to take care of.
She is paid less and made to work more. Men are given onsite, but she isn't since they need money to pay for their kid’s education.
In such situations, people take you for granted. Learn to keep office team out from your personal life, they love to interfere and advise. If it doesn’t work, move away from such people.
Bhumi — Retired magistrate with a good pension, age 70. She didn’t marry to support her divorced sister and three kids. Now, these people are well established, so they pretend as if Bhumi doesn’t exist! Bhumi is trying her best to get her brother’s daughter Priya married, she understands that life is too long and sometimes you need a family. She is still cheerful about hers and keeps travelling. Women like to feel wanted in a family, if they don’t have some purpose, they start feeling low about themselves. And if it breaks them, it becomes a question for survival.
Life is not a bed of roses for single women in India especially because our society mainly looks at them as misfits, they are not contributing by serving a family or creating kids, which was the primary job of women in the 18th century.
Yes, if you are well educated, have a fighting spirit all the time — give it back to the ones who love gossips. You will be happy whether you are single or not. Don’t go by what feminists say on media, the reality is that you will have to fight at some point or the other in life if you are single and want to stay happy.
Why do men and women both get married?
1. Sex — Safe sex, regular sex and without any severe repercussions in the form of STDs is one of the factors. More men than women need it. (Though this is again a generic statement and exceptions exist).
2. Children — You need to procreate and pass on your legacy, your name, your family lineage. Every species in this world does it. More men than women need it (though this is again a generic statement and exceptions exist). Though it’s women who cross the age of 35–40 who are worst hit with “empty nest or barren nest” syndromes.
3. Companionship and Love — This is a modern concept discovered by LIBERTY and Murica which is a driving force for many modern marriages. More women than men need it (though this is again a generic statement and exceptions exist).
4. Support — In the form of emotional, physical, psychological, financial for both men and women. More women than men need it (though this is again a generic statement and exceptions exist).
Life for an unmarried woman will be progressively great from her teens to her mid-late twenties, later it will slowly decline — by her mid-late 30s, she may start facing issues in life (that she never faced earlier) and by her mid-late 40s, either she will either get desperate, frustrated, overcome everything and become a great careerist or get depressed, become suicidal, become a Sanyasi, achieve great knowledge or wisdom or become totally withdrawn or cut-off in a bitter manner from the world.
People who accept this fact, become cynical.
Why are single women not respected in Indian society?
The major issue is due to lack of education, mostly in a rural area, they find difficulty in getting a proper job and hence become victims.
In India, women are considered as the so-called “weaker creation” who always require the support of a stronger “male creation”.
Being single is not seen in a positive light, they are viewed with sympathy, and is still a kind of social taboo. Plus legal support of society is massively lacking. Sometimes Indian society considers women to be responsible for violating the social norms and treat them with disgust.
1. Lack of emotional support from family and society.
2. Work-life balance — since single women have immense responsibilities, they feel neglected and are prone to social deviance.
3. Since single women are the only breadwinners of the family, they are more prone to economic shocks and poverty in case of sickness or job loss.
4. In case they do not earn and depend upon her relatives, she is subjected to exploitation and insults within the family. (Well, I have seen so many Bollywood movies based on that)
5. No matter how she devoted herself to the family, she is still not considered capable enough on their own.
6. Character assassination (This relative, that relative, He says she says, blah blah blah).
7. Society discriminates — as the whole bunch think that single women are breaking social norms by not being married.
8. More prone to harassment and violence since single women are considered vulnerable without the male companion.
9. Psychological pressure.
“Shaadi kar lo, shaadi kar lo, shaadi kar lo….”
My advice to all the women out there —
Realize that having a partner or being married is just a societal construct and that does NOT define your worth.
You are valuable even without a man. Having a partner or being married does not raise your values.
We have young girls from a young age conditioned to think that the ultimate reason for living their lives is to get married and have children.
Look at every single Disney movie out there where the girl is partnered with a “Prince”! You expect a male to a female like you expect the sun to come up every day!
When I played with Barbies growing up, it was either Barbie looking around, waiting for Ken or Ken was already there — it was a foregone conclusion. This is a social construct that sets girls up for my second point.
Don’t let yourself be objectified, and more importantly don’t objectify yourself.
Do not ever let the way you look to be used as an instrument to forge a relationship or to determine how you feel about yourself.
Step back and observe the diminishment of women’s power by women themselves. Instagram, YouTube, porn websites even — look at what it really is — women are objectifying themselves by letting their looks be the predominant factor of what they are about, and in many cases, they’re saying “Women Power” or #MeToo, but they’re crazily putting up sexually enticing pictures and/or photoshopping them. This also creates competition among women instead of us nurturing and caring for one another.
Looks can lead, but they are but a small part of who you are. You are so much more than that. Step into your power and refuse to play that game.
You have inherent skills and talent to offer yourself and the world, and you must recognize and embrace this.
Think about what our planet would look like without a woman on it. It would not survive and now look at your family and your social circle — they need the gifts and life you bring to them like humans need air.
You are special, you are such a blessing to this world.
Discover who you are and stay true to that. Do not EVER bend yourself for a man or others, but know the right people will show up as a match in whatever vibration you hold for yourself.
Fall in love with you first. Become a master of YOU and your emotions, your habits, your traits and your goals. Work on always raising your vibration and as you do you WILL attract people, places and things that match that higher vibration.
Do not ever let yourself be put down by anyone. Surround yourself with people that show up for you and always give people the benefit of the doubt. But once someone has proven consistently that they are toxic or do not reciprocate, let them loose and walk away.
Do not ever sacrifice yourself for someone else.
And above all, know that you are a beautiful and exquisite being with a purpose for your life. You must be the one to learn that and accept only those into your life that see that in you as well.
Do not ever settle for anyone that treats you less than the Queen that you are, and that starts with you believing that and living it.
