The new age Indian parenting mantra — “Didi” culture

Guess what do most of my neighbours and friends — The Guptas, The Kumars, The Sinhas and of course us — have in common — apart from the fact that we are all sweet couples and doting parents, all of us have a member in the house who though is not a family yet is very much part of the family — yes you guessed it right — she is the “didi” in our homes — the quintessential part of almost every modern age home with kids today!

This new addition to the family apart from being a cook, a cleaner or a nanny is becoming a temporary placeholder for anyone and everyone in the family. You find them feeding the kids, taking the kids to the community parks and even accompanying kids to the playschools and malls. Didis are everywhere and for all:) From a young teenage girl to a middle aged women, person employed today in this role come in all shapes and sizes. And so is true with the sources also, agencies, local sources, word of mouth and communities around can all get you a didi. Sounds plenty :) true but getting a good one is surely a much bigger problem than solving any AI equation, trust me:) .While I have had interviewed and trained five this summer, the last one left in a day, my friend Siya who heads HR in a top MNC, hasn’t been able to retain anyone this summer even while she manages more than five hundred at her workplace!

Last week, on a dinner date with two of our favorite couples — Ravi and Chavi, who work full time and Tina and Mukesh where Tina is a homemaker — both the couples had their didis tagged with them. Of course, how else would the couple enjoy the dinner date with friends and didis also have a social life — need to mingle with fellow mates in same profile! So here was the fun part — Not just did Mukesh read out the menu to didi to checkin what she would like to have but also this quintessential part of modern family was asked her preference and choice before anyone else on the table! (The man of the house seemed to be smart, very well understood the equation, if didi leaves — it would be a calamity, a disaster more severe than an earthquake with an intensity higher than 6 on a Richter! Without maid the whole life shall come to a standstill — the most critical of all — Tina’s mood:)

Also it was not unbelievable to see that Chavi’s two year old munchkin was responding better to his didi than the mom or the five year old imbibing didi’s mannerisms and accent much easily than his own parivaar. Chavi seemed to be not liking it but was fine, after all what option was she left with -she had so many thing to manage as had Ravi — demanding job, home, friends and family — both in real and social media!

So with such big responsibilities being outsourced to didis, its but human that this addition to the family starts feeling in par as any other family member. As during the last week’s dinner, the didi of the house was all basking in glory because of the attention that the entire family showered on her, we all looked at each other helpless! While respecting and acknowledging the contribution is fine in all ways and means because thats how children learn empathy and respect but the problem comes if we start substituting support staff for our parental responsibilities, not deliberately of course but out of lethargy and convenience many times.

Lets go back in time — coming from middle class families saw our parents, both of them working , struggling hard , cooking , teaching us and employing maids but what they didn’t do was delegating their parental responsibilities and that’s why I believe it gave us the character, the strength that we have today. It made us independent, responsible and taking charge of things we were supposed to do.

However as in many cases today, when we start thinking that this support staff at our home can take our role as a parent for important milestones of our kids childhood journey, I wonder what today’s children and future citizens of the country would imbibe. Recent times have seen a sharp rise in the number of cases of depression and anxiety in today’s kids, may be a part of it is attributed to our immense dependence on this new entry to the parenting arena.

Well, the “didi culture” as it could be called seems to be the new age parenting’s latest conundrum. With both parents being active on professional front and nuclear families increasing, it is here to stay! While delegating daily household chores and tasks is essential but outsourcing parental responsibility and quality time which a parent should and can spend with the child (instead of entrusting the maid) isn’t acceptable at any cost. The equation is complex, indeed; yet in spite of so many variables — it is not difficult to crack.