The Perils of Working from Home, Part III
The Hidden Cost of Social Isolation
Sometimes we must go through extreme pain and suffering to realize we need to change.
After six months of working in my new role as a remote Technical Writer, I found myself on the verge of a mental breakdown. I couldn’t take it anymore. Something was eating away at me from the inside, yet I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I had trouble focusing for more than a few minutes at a time. A palpable sense of restlessness pervaded throughout the day. And I had moments where I just wanted to scream.
“What’s happening to me? Why can’t I get myself together?” I thought to myself. The lack of focus and discipline ate away at my confidence, and I got to the end of the workday feeling terrible about myself.
Sure, I had productive streaks where I knocked out big tasks and felt good about what I’d accomplished. But inevitably, something would shift, and I became a different person — someone who was moody and unsettled and distracted. Someone who sought out every possible distraction to avoid doing the one task that lay in front of me.
This period of my life was one of tremendous internal upheaval. I want to share with you the biggest lessons I learned through my darkest moments. My hope is that by sharing my struggles, you can perhaps avoid the pitfalls of working from home and instead enjoy the freedom and flexibility it provides.
I sat there in my home office, staring blankly, unable to process the words on the screen. Gibberish. All gibberish.
What’s happening? I don’t want to be here. Something’s not right. Am I losing my mind?
Stop it, Joseph. Just sit down and work. It’s simple — why can’t you do it? What’s wrong with you?
Sitting there in the stillness, six hours into yet another day of working in total isolation, I felt like I was going to implode. Something inside me was wreaking havoc. What was it? I didn’t know, and I don’t think I wanted to know.
The new stresses introduced by a life working from home were subtle at first: a brief loss of concentration, an afternoon of dismal productivity, or days where I just felt “blah.” Eventually, they manifested in a pattern of confusion and mild depression. I stopped exercising. My social life languished. My sleep patterns turned more erratic.
I felt like I was losing a war without even knowing who or what I was fighting.
I reached my limits on more than one occasion. Unable to focus, I left home and sought respite in a coffee shop. Instead of sitting in silence, I was surrounded by strangers sipping on lattés, blenders booming as they churned globs of cream and coffee into sugary treats. I trudged through my work, jumping between windows on my laptop, hunched over precariously as Mariah Carey blasted on the store speakers. Next to me, a couple and their minister discussed the mechanics of their upcoming wedding ceremony. She seemed more enthusiastic.
My coffee shop experiment having resulted in a complete failure, I resigned myself to my desk at home. It was isolating, but at least I could hear myself think. And so my battle continued, pushing through to get work done despite the cold and bitter isolation.
Through months of self-examination, reading books, talking to friends, therapy and meditation, I finally realized I was experiencing the effects of social isolation firsthand. Some days I felt so anxious, so restless, that I could barely focus for more than ten minutes. I would do a bit of work, then immediately looked for any potential distraction — through social media, checking news, snacking, texting, and myriad other non-work activities. Like an irate father chastising his insolent son, I berated myself for getting off task. Disappointment and frustration began to undermine my confidence as I questioned why I couldn’t stay motivated.
Working from home presents a new challenge that office workers don’t typically experience: social isolation. Spending day after day, week after week working in a physical separation from other humans can create a catabolic force that eats away from within. An insidious intruder that sneaks in unannounced, it inflicts its damage not by introducing any tangible obstacle, but through the removal of something: connection.
Instead of greeting coworkers and engaging in casual banter by the coffee machine, we greet the cold and empty silence of our home office. No Hello’s, no pleasantries — just work. Sitting in silence for days on end is not normal or healthy for human beings (silent retreats notwithstanding, which are, hopefully, undertaken with conscious awareness of the risks and implications). Chronic isolation can, and eventually does, degrade one’s confidence, motivation and mental health.
Taken to an extreme, social isolation can even pose a threat to your physical health. Numerous studies have shown that “lack of social connection heightens health risks as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or having alcohol use disorder.” This is a caution for those of us working for extended periods of time in social isolation. As much as we want to think that we’re different, or can get by without it, the symptoms of chronic isolation will manifest sooner or later.
For me personally, I realized that deep down, I missed connecting with people. I missed getting to know people on a personal level. I missed the sense of camaraderie, the joy of working on difficult problems together and being part of a team. I recalled moments with colleagues where we cracked jokes and laughed until our sides hurt.
Inspired and driven to improve my situation, I began a deliberate practice of connecting with others. Weekly lunches. Phone calls to say hello. Impromptu chats with colleagues. Each week, I asked myself: What would I love to experience this week? Who would I love to connect with? More conversations and more connections, less stress and less pressure. I could feel the clouds parting; rays of sunshine and optimism returned once more.
The truth is that humans are social creatures. We were not designed to live in perpetual isolation. No matter how introverted we may be, we require interaction with other humans to stay sane. It’s hardwired into our DNA.
Those of us who work remotely must confront this truth head on, and especially those of us who live alone. Because we often work in isolation, we must be proactive about getting our social needs met in other ways. Whether it’s scheduling regular lunches, calling a friend, or scheduling a virtual hangout with your colleagues, we must create moments of connection that invigorate and refresh us.
Working from home does not mean just a simple change in location; it is a complete paradigm shift that requires awareness of how to create the right mental, physical and psychological states for you to perform at your best. Productive working from home doesn’t happen the instant you begin your remote work career. It requires a conscious awareness of your own unique personal needs. It requires deliberate self-care practices, including regular social interaction. It requires tweaking your daily activities to create the energy, health and vitality to achieve your productivity goals.
The emotional and psychological pain of social isolation is real and palpable. It can undermine us without our even realizing it.
Some of us, unfortunately, must reach a point where the pain of isolation compels us to action. I dove deep into the abyss and came face-to-face with the harsh realities of social isolation, and it wasn’t pretty. Yet these experiences taught me so much about myself and my nature as a social creature. It taught me that I cannot deny who I am in the name of professional achievement.
Now I have a fresh, new approach to my daily work routine. While I do focus on doing my job well, I know that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Rather than isolating myself for days on end in the name of getting more work done, I know that to create sustainable productivity, I must take care of my mental health and prioritize social activity. When I do, I’m able to finish the work day feeling positive about who I am and what I’ve accomplished.
