The thing nobody tells you about depression

Depression is not as much of a taboo topic anymore, more and more people are getting comfortable talking about what they experience, and they’re able to seek help when they need it — and all of this is 100% a good thing!

However, in trying to be empathetic, as we all need to be, the thing most people won’t tell you is this -

You can fight it, and you can defeat it. And before you say that’s insensitive and I wouldn’t ask someone to fight if they had cancer — of course I would. I do tell my dad that the doctors are doing their job, but it’s up to him to fight his enemy.

You can’t just give up and resign yourself to the fact that you are depressed and quit from life. I say this as someone who has been there, done that, and is thankfully far away from it, enough to safely look back and talk about it.

Lying back in bed with the acceptance that I am depressed was the easiest thing for me to do then. It was too tempting to stay in that zone. I have spent days after days not finding the motivation to get out of bed, eating only when there was something I could grab while still in bed, not getting any work done at all — and I know it’s as bad as being terribly sick. But — the only days that I won are the days I fought back, looked my sadness square in the eye and respectfully asked it to f.o. and watch sadly from a corner while I went about my life because I was not going to be defeated.

This whole thing was a very solitary experience for me and I hardly ever mentioned what I was going through — primarily because I was disappointed in myself for not being stronger, and didn’t want to flaunt what I wasn’t proud of. I used to think “what am I even so sad about?” or “so many people have it worse but they don’t act like losers — I’m good for nothing” and so on, and so forth, but no matter how many questions I asked myself, it was a futile internal conversation.

For those who are more comfortable talking, firstly, it’s a great thing if they have people they can talk to, and ask these questions aloud and maybe get some answers that help. However, it is also true that if they are met with care and attention as a response — as they should be — it is easy for someone to get conditioned into the cycle of receiving care as a response to being depressed. Sometimes, while we are experiencing it, we can be lost in its poetic sadness — and honestly, that’s no sin — it’s a life experience and just like experiencing bliss makes life richer, so does deeply experiencing sadness. But for how long? And at what cost? Sometimes, we get carried away and lose control of our lives, and that’s when it ceases to add any value, and we have to work to get out of it.

Not for one moment am I saying that you shouldn’t respond with total attention and care to people who need it, and god knows that people who are depressed need it so bad. But if and when you’re ready to introspect on this one, check for your own tendency to fall into this vicious trap. It’s completely natural to, because it gives you immediate gratification — you receive the kind of love that you wouldn’t if you were not sick — but it’s not a sustainable way to live your fullest life. So, I know it’s hard, but you have to find a way to get yourself out.

If you say it’s not like you’re not trying, you just can’t — I know. I would’ve hated for someone to tell me this “be strong” stuff then. I swear I’ve been there. But that’s exactly why I feel it was important for me to hear this. It definitely doesn’t get easier, so you just have to get tougher. It’s the only way. If the chemicals in your brain are working against you, you need to find ways to make them work for you. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but it’s good for your health, so you need to try, and you’ll probably fail repeatedly, but you need to keep trying. You need be tough on yourself, and I don’t mean tough in push yourself down way, but in a pull yourself up way. All I’m saying is, before waiting for a saviour, see if you can be your own hero.

I, of course, was unable to seek medical help, so I can’t speak for how that would work, but pushing yourself to exercise is a great first step. And honestly, your thoughts are more powerful than you can imagine. Call me crazy but I genuinely feel like I can keep a fever or make it go away depending on my attitude towards it. I really think the mind has the power to heal the body — and itself. We need to constantly work on training our mind to be stronger, and fight the enemy harder.

By all means, every person is different, depression takes many forms, and every person’s healing process is different — no judgements there. I am not a therapist, and this perspective is just something that I’ve gained from my own experiences, and it helps me keep my spirits up even now, and I’ve shared it in the hope that it might help someone in a similar space.

I would love to know what you think. You can comment here or slide into my DMs or email me at yamini.shallweslay@gmail.com

I wish you strength :)

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