What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger: How Rumana Monzur defeated blindness

Q. You had eyesight when you completed one part of your master’s programme. The remaining part had to be done as a visually impaired person. How did you do that?

After the 2011 attack, I returned to Canada. I actually resumed my master’s in political science in 2013. Meanwhile, in July 2012, I decided that I would take the law school admission test and would not pursue doctoral studies. That is when the challenges of studying as a blind person began to surface.

Access and Diversity, an accessibility services unit at the UBC, introduced me to a young blind Canadian student who was a law student at the time. They asked him to help me learn the use of equipment blind students need for studying.

At the time, I had no idea about this, and the student helped me a lot and taught me how to access the necessary study materials online using JAWS (Job Access With Speech). So, I basically started learning how to use technology as a blind person from the beginning.

Also my friends from St. John’s College at the university, where I first came in 2010, helped me immensely. They would read books aloud and I would listen, and we would solve problems together. I only got around one month and a half to prepare for the law admission test.

To take the test as a blind person, I requested assistance of a reader who would read the questions aloud, a scribe who would circle the correct answers, and a magnetic board and some related accessories to draw diagrams for answering analytical ability questions.

After the test, I resumed my master’s studies in political science. I had to change my research methodology, and worked with secondary data instead of primary data. I requested the university to provide me with a library assistant who would help me do my research and they granted.

The assistant collected articles and other materials as per my instructions and sent those to readers at the UBC’s Crane Library. These readers volunteer to read something aloud and record it on CD for helping students with disability.

I talked to the Canadian National Institute for the Blind and they suggested I buy Victor Stream recorder, which comes with recording and some other facilities that are easy to use for blind people. I used it to record personal study notes while listening to the CDs recorded by the Crane Library volunteer readers. Then I would dictate and elaborate by listening to my notes, and my library assistant would write. This is how I finished my master’s thesis.

Then came a bigger challenge — defending my thesis. I asked the university to record the audio version of the thesis on CD and then listened to it to plan my PowerPoint presentation. The library assistant helped me design the PowerPoint slides.

On the day of the defence, I tasked a friend with changing the slides as I continued my presentation and that is how I presented the whole thesis. I faced many questions after the presentation. Some 40 to 50 people, including my family members, friends, members of the political science department, were present in the room.

Q. The law school admission test was one of the most difficult exams you took in your life.

Oh yes, I still wonder how I took the test that lasted for 6.5 hours. The experience was as terrible as it could be. At some point during the exam, I thought I had had enough and would not continue further. It was a very hard exam.

Added to that was the painful difficulties I had to face as a blind person.

My daughter, Anusheh, is the reason why I had the indomitable spirit to keep fighting. Giving up was not an option for me. The power of motherhood kept me going after the horrendous attack.

To take the test, I was allotted a private room and there were three of us — the reader, the scribe and me. The reader read the questions aloud and of the four possible answers, I had to choose the correct one. The scribe then circled the answer that I chose.

Keeping my full attention and focus on the test for a prolonged period — it was really very tough. As I already said, it was a very terrible experience but I was continuously telling myself that I had nothing to lose and I was just giving it a shot.

My friends and others were sceptical as they thought taking the law admission test without braille was almost impossible. But I was determined. In fact, I did not have enough time to learn braille before taking the test and had to proceed with the alternative method.

Q. How much support did you receive from the UBC to study as a blind student? Do you think you would have got the same support if you studied in a Bangladeshi university?

When I studied in Bangladesh, I was not blind. I have no precise idea what kind of assistance and facilities blind students get there, and that is why I cannot make a fair comparison between Bangladesh and Canada.

I remember Rifat Pasha, one of my students who was blind. Someone would escort him to school and back home. He would take tests through dictation. I was his substitute teacher only and never discussed with him how he collects materials and studies.

In my case, I received enormous support from the UBC. When I resumed my study after returning from Bangladesh, I had no idea what type of support I needed and neither did the university authorities. All the blind students who were studying here already had the necessary skills to study without vision, but my case was different as I became a blind student suddenly in the middle of my studies. Gradually, I figured out what type of accessibility services would be best for me.

I am glad that the university had always arranged all kinds of support I had asked for, and never denied any request. Throughout the time, they were positive and co-operative. They never said no.

Q. From political science to law — why?

There are two key reasons — the domestic violence I endured at the hands of my better half and the weird reactions I later got from people.

I was the victim. I was tormented and lost my sight. But people were traducing me and blackening my name. They tried to mean that my ex-husband was justified in acting as a tormentor because I had been unfaithful to him. I could not believe they were reacting this way. I was a teacher at one of the most renowned universities in Bangladesh and still I had to explain to them that the allegations against me were wrong.

I was not mentally strong enough to face the huge social stigma attached to divorce in the Bangladeshi society. I thought that the end of marriage would mean the end of my life.

Well, I wanted divorce — which would have been the best solution to my troubled marriage — but Sayeed did not agree. He should have divorced me if he was sure that I had not been faithful to him.

Even if I was the worst person on earth, I did not deserve to be tortured this way, did I? Nobody has the right to treat me this way and subject me to violence, but still people thought what Sayeed had done was right.

I was confounded, speechless. That was when I realised this painful truth — women are, in essence, very vulnerable in the Bangladeshi society. I thought to myself — oh, if I could legally represent the women in our society who had been suffering from domestic violence like me. But the decision to study law was not very concrete yet.

Having returned to Canada, I gave it a serious thought. I was still not convinced that pursuing a law degree as a blind student would be a feasible option. I went to the Access and Diversity for advice and they were positive. I also had a detail discussion with the blind Canadian student who had taught me the use of software and technology.

Gradually, I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

With my score in the law school admission test, I was eligible to apply for admission. I submitted four applications and was accepted to three universities.

I was so happy. I felt like — yes, now I can do it.

Q. Based on your observations, what are the differences between a Bangladeshi marriage and a Canadian marriage?

In Bangladesh, marriage is not a relation in which couples have equal responsibilities and contributions in daily life. If both couples work, the husband returns home from office and begins to relax, for example, by sitting on the couch and watching TV. But upon her return, taking rest is not an option for the wife as she has to cook or do other household chores alone.

Worse, it is the prevalent idea in Bangladeshi marriages that the woman is expected to take care of the family and do all the household work whereas the man will not share any of the responsibilities. Expectations from the Bangladeshi wives are unbelievably high. The patriarchal society is structured in a way that a working woman is supposed to figure out how she will manage both her office and her family.

Here in Canada, marriage is a mutual game and household responsibilities are shared among the man and his woman. It is not a lopsided relationship. Unlike Bangladesh, husbands in Canada cook, take care of the children, do household work and other tasks. Taking care of the family is not the sole responsibility of Canadian wives.

Canadian men think household chores are their responsibilities too because they are also a part of the family. They do not have the attitude that wives — even if they are sick — must do everything in the house.

To me, this is the key difference between Bangladeshi and Canadian marriages.

Moreover, Canadian men do not think cooking is a woman’s job, and that they will lose masculinity if they prepare food in the kitchen or clean the toilet. Not all Canadian men are expert cooks but they know how to cook. Canadian male children grow up seeing this attitude in their fathers, and that is why they do not think sharing household duties means losing masculinity.

That said, there is no reason to think the North American society is free of the scourge of domestic violence. There are perpetrators in this society as well who abuse women, but the percentage is low compared to countries like Bangladesh.

Besides, I have also said it in my previous interviews that it is not only women but also men, children and elder people who become victims of violence around the world. This is why we need to raise our voice against all types of injustice, not just violence against women.

We need the mindset that we must put a stop to violence, no matter who is affected by it.

Q. What type of legal support would you have received had the attack been made in Canada?

I have studied law and now I know what type of support and compensation I would have got had I been attacked in Canada. First of all, I did not get any compensation for the personal injuries inflicted on me. In Canada, I would have.

Secondly, for permanent loss of my vision, I would have received a huge amount of compensation had I sued the family of the evil man.

The compensation is calculated by taking into account a variety of factors. If the incident results in any kind of permanent disability, the amount is always huge because the court not only considers the problems you are facing in your present life but also those you will face in the future.

What is more disgraceful is that the family of my tormentor misappropriated my money in Bangladesh by forging my signature. I could not do anything against it because I was in Canada and it was quite difficult to continue legal proceedings against them in Bangladesh from here.

Q. Tell me the story behind the TEDxStanleyPark talk. How did it all begin?

The invitation came out of the blue. A member of the TEDxStanleyPark team contacted me by email, and asked me if I was interested in giving a talk.

TED is a highly prestigious platform and I thought it would be the most suitable platform to share my story in detail, considering the large number of people my message would reach.

Up until delivering the TED talk, I did not reveal as much detail of my incident to anyone, except the police in Bangladesh. I decided to give an elaborate account of the incident as I thought everyone, especially girls, should know the story.

TED speakers have to go through a number of steps, such as audition and so on, before delivering the final talk. But there was no audition for me because the TEDxStanleyPark team watched two of my previous speeches I had given in Edmonton.

I directly attended the first rehearsal and there I met other speakers who of course were better prepared than me because unlike me, they had started from the very beginning of the process. I did not even have a script with me! I improvised a structure and just talked.

The feedback from the rehearsal was very useful. I was advised to speak with conviction and intonation and so on. From them, I learned a lot about how to deliver an engaging speech.

Watch Rumana’s TEDxStanleyPark talk below:

I was given full freedom to prepare the script according to my wish. I only had one month and a half to get ready for the final talk. I also had an exam on my schedule before the talk. I prepared the first draft of the script amid my busy schedule.

To my relief, they did not edit it. They just gave me some suggestions to improve it, such as mentioning some statistics on violence against women in the introduction part. 10 days before the talk, my script was finally approved.

They could have asked me to deliver the talk earlier because all other speakers were ready. But they considered my case because I had the exam and I was really grateful to them for this. They were flexible enough to allow me enough time for preparation.

Q. How was the response after the final talk?

The spontaneous response of the audience is something I still remember. I got a standing ovation. I was surprised.

I was the second speaker on that day and it was the first time I was giving a talk at such a renowned platform. Interestingly, even the professional public speaker who spoke before me did not receive standing ovation.

Many in the audience broke down in tears as I was speaking. Then during the break, many came up to me and showered me with words of praise and appreciation.

Many organisations later contacted me but because of my study load, I could not fully engage in advocacy. I still cannot because my daughter is very young and I need to spend a lot of time with her. I do not want to see that a distance has grown between me and her because of my involvement in various activities.

Besides, a lot still needs to be done for building my career in law. So I always have to be careful about maintaining the balance.

Q. In the TEDxStanleyPark talk, you referred to some invisible rules that made you suffer injustice after the marriage. Do these rules exist in Canada as well?

I have not yet personally come across any woman here who is in an abusive relationship. All my friends here who have tied the knot are happy in their conjugal life. But we have battered women’s shelters here and I have heard stories of victims who moved to the shelters because they could no longer live with their spouses.

The invisible rules in the Bangladeshi society that I mentioned in my TED talk do not exist as such here. Unlike Bangladesh, these rules are not imposed on the people by the society here. If you happen to be someone who is facing such barriers in your marriage here, then you are just unlucky to have such a partner. This will be an individual case but the society at large does not impose any restriction.

I received enormous support from the University of British Columbia to continue my studies as a blind student. They provided me with all kinds of facilities. They never said no. They played a phenomenal role in helping me become who I am today.

Girls here do not learn from the society that there are some restrictions on their life just because they are females. The equality between men and women in the society is easily noticeable.

My daughter is growing up in this society and she is going to school. Nobody in the school or the society is teaching her that she has some restrictions because she is a girl.

Q. Should the patriarchal society in Bangladesh be blamed for this?

Of course. After my marriage, I was taught that I should not give my opinion and that I should remain tight-lipped. I was taught to be docile. My ex-in-laws did not encourage me to give my opinion in family matters. In fact, they did not even ask me if I had something to say.

They were well aware of how I was being mistreated by their son and what a miserable life I was leading. I had slept on the couch in the living room night after night. They noticed everything but still acted as if nothing had happened. They never cared to intervene or asked me to talk to my parents about my problems.

I was a young girl back then, maybe 22 or 23, and I was studying at the University of Dhaka. I was terrified that my social life would be very badly affected if I filed for divorce, because the word ‘divorce’ has a very negative connotation in Bangladesh.

The people in the society do not consider who the real villain is. They believe it is always the fault of women but they let men enjoy total impunity. If a woman is divorced, the society considers her wicked and her children also suffer for this.

Q. You said in the TEDxStanleyPark talk you did not have the courage to split from your husband.

If I was this emotionally mature back then, I would not have thought twice to file for divorce on the very second day of my marriage. I was abused and beaten on the wedding night. I still remember the next day after my wedding, the house was full of people from both families — you know the Bangladeshi wedding celebrations. I should have revealed everything that happened the previous night in front of everyone and walked out of the house.

Well, as I said, I would have if I was as mature and emotionally strong as I am now.

I was not mentally strong enough to face the huge social stigma attached to such a situation in the Bangladeshi society. I was constantly worrying about what other people would think of me and that my parents would lose face. Girls in their early twenties are usually not that brave enough to handle this kind of situation.

I was a university girl and when things got messy in the early stage of the marriage, I realised that I would have to build my own career and life. I did not want to see that my life had come to a screeching halt just because I had divorced my husband. I had the premonition that it would happen sooner or later.

I thought that the end of marriage would mean the end of my life.

Q. Social stigma keeps Bangladeshi women from revealing domestic violence.

Absolutely. They believe they have to tolerate all kinds of abuse and suffer in silence because speaking out will mean a damaging loss of face for their families.

Bangladeshi husbands still have this mindset that their wives are their property. If something in office has bothered or enraged them, they return home and vent their anger on their wives.

There is this prevalent idea in Bangladesh that a married woman must live with her in-laws and that after divorce, returning to her own parents’ house where she had grown up will bring ignominy on her whole family. Even if a divorced woman has a job and lives alone, she will not be able to avoid derogatory remarks from others.

Consider my case. I was not financially dependent on my husband after marriage. I never took a single penny from him. I had a good job. So I was this independent woman in Bangladesh but still I lacked the courage to open up about my abusive marriage.

Q. As a blind person, you are struggling every day to lead a smooth life. Where do you get the sheer mental strength to fight on?

I am a strong believer in Allah. He created me. I often say it in my prayers that — oh my Lord, I am in such a terrible situation, leading my life without seeing the world. I do not know why I ended up like this. We the human beings do not see the bigger picture that lies ahead in the future but you do. So now it is your duty to ensure that I can lead a smooth life amid all the difficulties and challenges I face every day.

I feel like I am so close to Allah and that I have nothing to worry as long as he is taking care of everything. I seek his help in every step I take in life and that puts me in a state of profound mental peace.

I believe my positive attitude and optimism has immensely helped me become resilient ever since the attack. My parents have been very supportive from the very beginning.

I returned to Canada and resumed my studies. The school is where I have always felt comfortable, where I have felt that I can start over.

My friends here have always been positive. They never ever let me feel like my life has been ruined and that there is no hope left. I am lucky that I got an exceedingly supportive community. The UBC has played a phenomenal role in helping me become who I am today.

Last but not the least, my beloved daughter Anusheh. She was a little girl back then and I knew I had to raise her with care and love to ensure a good life for her. I wanted to give her a normal life. She is the reason why I had the indomitable spirit to keep fighting. Giving up was not an option for me.

I wanted to make her feel that she was not being deprived of anything in life just because her mother had lost eyesight. The power of motherhood kept me going after the horrendous attack. It has been a powerful motivation for all these years that prevented me from being disheartened.

Nevertheless, there are times when I definitely feel dejected, especially when I think of how fast I was able to do something in the past but now I need more time to do it because of blindness. For example, I recently moved in to a new house and it took me a long time to pack everything.

When this happens, I pray to Allah and my mind is infused with confidence again.

Q. You have been an advocate of women’s rights since the attack. What are your future plans in this regard?

I am not only advocating a world free of violence for women. I also advocate ensuring diversity in the workplace and a number of other causes. I gave a talk championing girls’ education at the University of Toronto on International Women’s Day this year.

Violence against women is so pervasive in Bangladesh that people think there is no way to stop it ever. But no — injustice cannot prevail. We need to raise more awareness so that people stop thinking that way.

The main purpose of my advocacy is to create awareness among people. A key part of addressing a social problem is to create mass awareness first. There are many who doubt the effectiveness of raising awareness of issues like violence against women because there have been many campaigns but the problem still exists.

Many also think we should not intervene because the problem has to do more with culture and religion. But this kind of thinking is flawed. Injustice is always injustice and it does not belong to any specific culture or religion. Wherever there is injustice, we need to intervene.

People will be willing to intervene if there is awareness of the issue in the society. That is the reason why creating awareness is so important, and I want to continue to do that.

Q. Do you have any plans to return to Bangladesh and work there?

Yes, I do. There should be vigorous campaigns to raise awareness of violence against women in Bangladesh. But I have so many duties and responsibilities now.

In addition to Anusheh, I need to take care of my parents as they have grown old. Establishing a career here in Canada is another big challenge.

After I build my career and after Anusheh is an adult, I plan to go to Bangladesh for advocacy.

Q. Who had the most influence in your life for your achievements in Canada?

There is no way I can come up with a single name because so many people have constantly inspired me and cordially supported me for all these years. My parents and relatives, Anusheh, my friends — everyone has been so supportive.

I was amazed when I worked at law firm DLA Piper last summer and they were incredibly supportive too.

Q. As far as violence against women is concerned, have you noticed any progress in Bangladesh since the attack on you?

No doubt, the incidents of violence against women that frequently happen in Bangladesh even these days make me sad. But still I refuse to lose hope that situations will improve.

I am aware of how passionately the organisations are working and putting in efforts to put a stop to such horrific acts. I have seen shelters for acid attack survivors and noticed the incredible patience of those who work with such victims. They display so much humanity and compassion towards the victims.

Nonetheless, we continue to hear brutal, ruthless stories of domestic violence and abuse. This is why we need to work more to create awareness. Unless everyone in the society strongly says no to violence, it will not stop. The incidence of violence will decrease when people will be more aware.

Bangladeshi husbands still have this mindset that their wives are their property. If something in office has bothered or enraged them, they return home and vent their anger on their wives. They think the wives should not have any opinion. Unless they get rid of this mentality, there is little hope that we will see a significant change in how women are treated by their partners.

Cases of domestic violence were reported elsewhere in Bangladesh when I was receiving treatment in hospital after the attack. Just imagine, this happened when I, the victim of a fierce act of violence, made headlines in the country and abroad!

You see, violence against women is so pervasive and the problem is so grave in Bangladesh that people think there is no way to stop it ever. But no — injustice cannot prevail. We need to raise more awareness so that people stop thinking that way. Also, they should intervene whenever a case of violence emerges.

Furthermore, the perpetrators think they will get away with their crimes and will never be brought to book. Their patriarchal attitude induces kingship feelings and as a result, they think they can command the conformity of their wives all the time. We got to completely destroy this thought pattern. In this regard, parents can play a pivotal role when they raise boys.