What is wrong with Indian parents and society?
Relatable Source: https://mehulk05.github.io/Blog-Book/#/myprofile/Rian/publicposts
An HSBC study on the hopes and expectation of parents on their children’s education brings out very some interesting insights on how different cultures value learning. The study which covers more than a dozen countries including India shows that though parent’s aspirations differ not only across both developing and developed counties and also within them there are some still areas where their preference overlap substantial.
What is even more interesting is the substantial differences of opinion between Indian and other parents on the goals they have set for their children. Being happy in life was the ultimate goal of parents in more than a dozen countries ranging from 56% in Indonesia, 58% in Hong Kong, 60% in UAE to 77% in UK, 78% in Canada and 86% in France. However, only 49% of the Indian parents rated happiness in life as one of the three most important goals.
The biggest problem with Indian parents is that they are not able to adapt their mind with the dynamically changing world. I m not saying all parents are like that, but many parents still don’t want to change their mind.
They think that they can control their children and they can’t stand their children not following their orders.
We’ll start with education.
It seems to be the most important thing on the planet. They tend to believe that every child’s intellectual capacity is the same as the other. So they assume that intelligence is always associated with being able to study well. They aren’t aware of linguistic, logical, aesthetic, spatial, artistic, interpersonal and intra personal intelligence.
They believe that smart kids automatically belong to the science and technology field, average kids go for commerce, and below average go for arts/sports. This isn’t true. They believe that, success is materialistic. That’s not really what success is, it just means to be able to find happiness as your pursue a career of own personal interest rather than being forced to go for what your parents think suit you best. Because the only person who knows you, is of course yourself.
There are some parents who understand that the choice of education is given to us and that we are capable of making decisions, however the majority tend to manipulate/force their children into letting go of their dreams which they were passionate about for the sake of being rich or just plain fitting in. This obviously isn’t right.
It’s time for them to understand that some of us are better at playing football than memorizing chemical equations. That some of us are looking forward to travelling to the stars rather than a simple desk job. And that some of us prefer going for art rather than anything else because it’s simply how we express our creativity and emotional perceptions. It’s time to come to the understanding that people can do whatever they want, we all have our roles, our interests and different forms of happiness. So, stop telling us that being different is bad. Being different is what makes us unique. It doesn’t leave a void in our hearts.
Next thing is of course, emotional blackmail system.
You read that right. “I gave you so much, can’t you do just this much for me”? Don’t fall for that trap anymore. It is basic human decency for a parent to provide their kids with education, food, clothes, and other needs. But for them to be toxic enough to continuously ask you to keep changing and adjusting to the ideal daughter/son is just wrong.
For them to be saying, “I educated you for years so you’d be successful and make me proud, but you ruin our reputation this way? How dare you?”, is disgusting. We are supposed to feel a sense of individualism as we grow up and learn about the world. Don’t manipulate us into thinking reputation is everything. It isn’t. We choose what we want to be. Don’t tell us that we should be done with education by early twenties, be set with a career by mid twenties, and married by late twenties.
Big decisions in life shouldn’t be limited to the time gap of just a few years. There are plenty of successful people who settled down at different periods of their life in different aspects. Some may have dropped out around their twenties, fixated their career when they were in their thirties, and gotten married (or maybe not) later. Life is short, agreed. But decisions do not need to be rushed rashly.
Coming up next, we have sexism.
How long are girls supposed to look forward only towards a grand marriage rather than being able to startup a company and look for a romantic partner later? How long are boys supposed to be carrying the burden for everything? Agreed, this may not be the case for everyone, but for most people, they still do have to grow up with this mentality.
Girls often face more criticism about every decision rather than boys. In terms of education, always 90% and more or else, you’re a failure. Boys (mostly) seem to have it easier, with either pass or average marks. Girls grow up to usually be working desk jobs, and men have a wider range to choose from. Girls are supposed to be fat, but not too much. And also thin, but not too much. Girls are supposed to be obedient and submissive to all decisions. Boys are supposed to be dominant and work on all the decision-making. Why not stop separation of responsibilities on the basis of sexes? Both sexes should be able to mature on their own with no influence on how to fit in society’s standards.
note: Gender equality >>> female/male supremacy.
Mental health.
If you mention that you feel depressed or anxious, they’ll brush it off. They’ll do the same until it gets annoying and tell you “You’re overreacting, sleep it off”. And one day when it gets to your breaking point, you sleep forever. They’d still blame it you for being weak-minded. But what they failed to see is that they were too weak-hearted.
To see that yes, a couple of your friends may seem sketchy/fake, but no, they couldn’t see you being at the edge of a cliff. They pushed you when it was their duty to pull you back into their arms of comfort. Don’t take feelings for granted. It is okay to cry. Even if you’re a boy. It’s completely okay to let loose of your frustration/pain. It’s the body’s natural response. Don’t suffocate boys with the thought of being ‘manly’. Every man has emotions, it’s his right to express himself.
Trust:
Indian parents don’t encourage and trust their children.They always think that they can give the best to their offspring. So they decide everything in their children’s life right from birth,education to till marriage. Finally they will expect children(especially sons) to pay for it. They force their children to study the course of their choice
No Sex education :
They don’t speak about sex to their children. This is also a reason, why sex crimes are increasing in India.A Son should be educated to respect women. Daughters should be educated to be cultured and should teach the difference between good & bad touch. They should communicate in the way that a child understands it.
Highly judgmental
Indian society and Indian parents have that judgemental streak, and they will judge almost everyone around. Everyone. You included. And their judgements are often biased and needless to say, wrong.
Marriage and Caste-ism
Indian parents are against inter caste/ religion marriages due to thousands of years of tradition and culture and not having an open mind. They are dogmatic and don’t believe in changing with the change in circumstances.
Honestly society doesn’t come up knocking our doors everyday and tell us what to do or not to do. We set the rules based on how we see society.
Example : A family thinks girls shouldn’t go abroad to study as it might spoil them. This same family would never send their own daughter, thinking “ what will the society think “.
Parents first mindset is because this is what they think right from cultural fitment and also they always keep their caste upper than other castes. Their image in society is more important for them as compared to their kids happiness. They think that if their daughter or son will get married to another caste than their further generation will be different in caste and culture.
We already divided lot of castes and some are down and some are on upper hand so that rich and poor point will always be there. Other caste person we always choose when we go love marriage because in arrange marriage parents will never look for that. So in Indian society parents mostly go against love marriage even if its a similar caste and if its different cast that is kind of throwing petrol on fire.
In a nutshell, in childhood they teach us how to walk and talk. When we are adults, they teach us how we shouldn’t talk & behave. They always control our lives in some way due to their love & affection , they influence us but due to generation gap they may have conflicts with their children but it’s worth it, because they had invested their time, energy, money & life on us. They think that they live for their offspring. They don’t live for themselves that is the worst thing about Indian parents. They simply nod for their elders & impose this same procedure to children.
So, the only opinion is be friendly with your child. Don’t make them your enemy.Change with time.Because you have lived in your time but let your child breathe in today’s fresh air
Relatable Source:https://mehulk05.github.io/Blog-Book/#/myprofile/Rian/publicposts
Thoughts and Ideas is now on Substack! thoughtsandideas.substack.com
