What It Feels Like for a Girl (‘Cause It’s Time You Know)

By Karina Lafayette

From the moment you were born you were showered with pink. They didn’t let you climb in case you would fall. They insisted on calling you pretty, trying to decipher whether you look more like mommy or daddy. They didn’t care that you were you.

In school boys pulled your hair and you were told it’s because they “liked you”. Sometimes they tried to kiss you when you didn’t want to be kissed. Some days you wanted to be left alone but when family came over you were forced to smile in pictures. You weren’t allowed to complain about that one aunt who pinched your face too hard, otherwise they’d call you “rude”.

When you got your first period mommy took you to the store to buy pads, and gloated at everyone who was there that you were “finally a woman”. Your mind still childlike, feeling out of place in your widening hips, and sudden hair in places that some perverts in the media didn't want them to be. And even when you were flat-chested, you still had to wear a bra, not to be “stared at”.

You wore frumpy clothing and tied your hair back so you could make yourself invisible. But they still stared, all because you are a girl. No other reason. You watched the boys yell, play, get dirty. You watched them swear at teachers. You watched them being told they can be an astronaut, politician, teacher, doctor, lawyer, dentist, rockstar… and for you, you got told to be a model. A passive, lacking personality, boring model. When you can do so much better than that.

When you raised your voice you got accused of being angry, so you kept quiet that way people might like you more. But that didn’t stop them from bullying you, did it?

If you had a crush on a boy you were told to ignore him, and let him chase you, otherwise “you’ll look desperate”. There’s this one boy who does seem to like you. He makes kissing noises each time you walk by, making you feel grossed out. You have nothing in common and can tell the only reason he chases after you is because he’s selfish. You already know once you talk to him he’ll spread rumours like he did to your friend. But everyone around says to give him a chance since he’s such a “nice guy”. Deep down you know he’s not a nice guy. If he was, he would respect you enough to stop.

Girls always seem to compete with you. You get told that they’re jealous, which is silly because you feel like you should be the jealous one. You sit in the back of the class, daydreaming of the life you’ll have one day, the life that’ll be better than anything school has to offer.

A friend of yours came crying to you once. She found out her uncle raped a little girl. You didn’t know what to say. In this world it’s just another day at the office. Likely people won’t believe her, and if they have proof, someone will probably try to cover it up because patriarchy said so.

As for you, you have many accomplishments. You have a career now, but people don’t care, do they? All they care about is what you look like.

Finished high school with a high average. “Oh, you’re so pretty.”

Appeared on television. “You are absolutely beautiful.”

Guy makes unwanted flirtation and you get angry at him. “When you’re older you’ll miss it.” Yeah, I won’t miss any of it, trust me.

Share photos of you at your best in a red dress. [insert unnecessary and rude comments on your weight here]

[talks to people about what it feels like for a girl]

[insert passive-aggressive-condescending response here]

I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable to read, but I’m not sorry if the truth makes people uncomfortable. The truth of the matter is a girl is not a painting in a museum for you to admire. She is not your view. She doesn’t care what you say about what she looks like, because she knows that her looks could never match up to the beauty of her soul; The honesty in her heart; The integrity in her words; The strength in her kick that could knock socks off. She doesn’t care for compliments, not because she doesn’t believe them, but because she knows herself to be more.

She is able. She is capable. She is more. More than you know.

And no, she will not be quiet, because she is most beautiful when she’s angry and you know it.

Photos from the book ‘Strong is the New Pretty’ by Kate T. Parker. Title is inspired from the song ‘What It Feels Like for a Girl’ by Madonna