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Shani Yehezkel
Sometimes I write things.

Why Dating Apps are the Place Where Single People’s Dreams go to Die

We are both the problem and the solution

Let me start off by saying I do understand that there are instances where dating apps cultivate real and lasting relationships, but this isn’t the case for most of us and here’s why.

What type of people are on these dating sites

  • The ones who are in denial about being hung up on someone and use the app as a pity attempt to prove they’re moving on
  • The ones who use it to get an ego boost from flirting but who have no intentions on actually meeting up
  • The ones who download, delete and re-download the app whenever they are in a fight or on a break with their significant other
We get it Ross
  • The ones looking for a no strings attached one-night stand
  • The ones who use the app when they are traveling (Literally the WORST for single people. You’re telling me I spent time analyzing your pictures and bio maybe even looking you up on social media just to find out you’re only here for the weekend? WHY?! Seriously, why do you need to be on a dating app? You can’t just enjoy your trip for a few days and put a pause on the dating app until you return home to torment the women in your own city?)
  • The few genuine suckers looking to find something real

Actual Pie Chart

Backed with official data

We are the problem

The problem dating apps solve is “how do you meet people nowadays?”

The grandma inside me wants to tell you we aren’t meeting people because we spend all of our free time on devices binge watching Netflix and perusing social media, but this is not a hypocritical piece bashing technology it is my acceptance of what we have become as a society. We don’t need to try as hard to find things to do because there isn’t a need to. When technology was first advancing very few of us stopped to wonder how it would alter our lives socially and we’re just now starting to see it all play out.

Being a young, single female living in a new city I know how hard it can be to meet new people. When we spend a majority of our days going between work and home while finding time to cook some meals and workout in between it can feel like a lot of our time is accounted for. We see the same people and do the same things.

With dating apps we can do so much more. Our productivity in dating is so much greater now. I mean not to brag but my swipe per second ratio is pretty impressive. We can connect with a much larger number of people in less time and we can turn it on and off as we please. We are a generation of lazy cowards and dating apps fulfill our needs. Our need to constantly be involved with someone, our need to have our egos stroked, and our need to grow our digital portfolios- the edited, idealized version of ourselves plastered across social media.

You picking up what I’m dropping down? We are the problem.

How to be the solution

  1. Don’t bring in baggage

A dating app isn’t going to help you get over your ex. A dating app isn’t going to help you get over your ex. A dating app isn’t going to help you get over your ex. A dating app isn’t going to help you get over your ex.

Make some friends first and get yourself in a better place before you decide to go on a dating app. You’re not fooling anyone with your lame attempt at moving on and you’re just going to get yourself in a stickier situation because we all know you’re probably still going back and forth with your ex as you read this. If your mentality is “Let’s go out on a date so I can see if you are better than my ex and can get me to stop thinking about them” it’s not going to work out for you and definitely not going to work out for the person whose time you’re wasting. Be honest with yourself and others.

2. Focus your attention

The only way to “win” at dating apps is to stop playing the game. There is no way you or anyone can give a fair and honest go at it when you have 12 conversations queued up in your app. In a perfect world we would only swipe right on 2–3 people, message them and call it a day. Wait for some responses, get to know them and maybe decide to go on a date with one of them. But in a world accustomed to immediate gratification and over-consumption we sit for hours swiping left and right like it’s a game only to end up overwhelmed with a bunch of pointless conversations with strangers you have zero common interests with in your inbox.

Trust your gut. Listen to what people have to say in their bios. If you would never consider dating someone who refers to himself as “not your average fuckboy” in his bio because douchebag isn’t your type, don’t assume that douchebag may be your type on a dating app. He’s still not.

3. Treat people like you would in person

Don’t ghost people and don’t lead them on. Be a decent human being, it’s not that hard.

4. Get off the app

For all of the men and women out there using the app while in committed relationships, everyone despises you, I repeat EVERYONE despises you. Get off the app, plz. We’re asking nicely.

5. Don’t give up

After all there are some unicorns out there.

Thanks for reading. I hope you got something out of this. Anything? A kick at least? Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.

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