Why I Support Feminism And You Should Too
Why must men and women be treated equally?
I read the question over and over again until the words began to blur and run together.
Answer honestly, the instructions had read. I was really excited with the new job opportunity that had come my way. There were five questions in the test that I was required to answer and this remained the only one that troubled me.
How was I supposed to answer this? Like religion, feminism was one of the many ideologies that I was yet to form an opinion about. Is it even an ideology? Or is it a movement?
Unlike many of my colleagues today, I went to a co-ed school. For those who are unfamiliar with the concept — ‘co-ed’ is a system of education where boys and girls study together, in the same classroom, and yes, are treated as equals.
Being the first-born to an IAF officer, I have blissfully spent my childhood within the guarded walls of the defence campus. Oblivious to the real world outside, I spent all my evenings playing ball with the boys. Reading rooms, recreation areas, football grounds, swimming pools, and even the officers’ mess — nothing was off limits for the girls here.
And then my dad retired and my whole life changed.
Carl Sagan once famously quoted that all of us are deeply attached to and even defined by our beliefs, for they define our reality and are thus elemental to our very selves. Any challenge to our core beliefs tends to feel like a personal attack. This is equally true of ourselves as it is of those who hold opposing beliefs — such is the human condition.
For the first time in 18 years, I saw partitions in buses and local trains to keep men and women separate. For the first time, I faced harassment while walking down the street. For the first time I got groped in a cinema hall. For the first time I was being told what was right or not to wear. For the first time my freedom was constricted.
And for the first time I knew that men and women are not equal.
Right after my college, I landed a job with one of the best publishing houses in the world. I was determined and confident that I would change the world, one article at a time.
But the transition from homework and assignments to deadlines and ‘real life’ wasn’t easy.
“Go out for a coffee with me and I could make your problems go away”, my boss once remarked. I shut him down with a “I don’t like coffee”, and a smile. My colleagues wanted me to report him.
But I didn’t.
I was just nineteen but not naive. I knew what the consequences of taking it up with the higher management were.
And I wasn’t yet ready for that battle.
I was 28 years old when I was up for my first interview with a start-up. At 33, the founder himself was just over a few years older than I was.
“Since you are not yet married, hiring you is a major risk for the company. You might soon be married and move on to another job/place/country”, I was told.
I wanted to storm out of the room. I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his place to talk about what I may or may not do after marriage. I wanted to tell him to go back to whatever rock he had crawled out from.
Instead, I smiled. And said I would serve my full notice period, if that were to happen. And I was hired!
We see the difference between men and women and think, “Biological cause. There’s something fundamentally different about the two sexes.” But I’ve found that a better explanation for this is actually ‘power’. And what ofttimes, look like gender differences are really just power differences in disguise.
In the above situations and many more, I should have stood up for myself. I should have spoken my mind. Should have taken the high road.
But I did not.
I gave in. I caved. I didn’t want to ‘come off too strong’. I didn’t want to ruffle too many feathers. And in the end, I was happy with the ‘little space’ I was allowed in the man’s world.
But no more.
As a woman, I want a lot of things. I want to be a boss but also be vulnerable. I want to be outspoken and respected, but also beautiful.
If feminism’s goal is equal opportunity and choice, I want to be a feminist.
I stand for the woman whose voice goes unheard in this chaotic world.
I stand for the woman who is sexually assaulted, but it goes unreported.
I stand for the woman who is shoved around by her drunk boyfriend,
or raped by her own husband.
I stand for the woman whose confidence is perceived as arrogance,
and her straightforwardness as entitlement.
I stand for every woman who embodies the mantra of full female selfhood..
I stand for myself.
I stand for Gender Equality.
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