indigo jones
indigo jones
Published in
3 min readNov 13, 2014

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One Bad Apple

This morning, I noticed that my iPhone had stopped downloading email. At first I attributed it to a bad WIFI connection. Later, I realized something was wrong. I logged on to make a Genius Bar appointment, and was redirected to try to resolve it via iChat.

Usually, when I go to the Genius Bar, they press a few buttons and fix my problem,taking just a shred of my dignity with it. Today, I foolishly opted to keep my dignity and resolve the issue elsewhere.

The Chat began. Each comment had a lag time of about 5 minutes before it was answered, making it a rather slow conversation. When the first cyber genius was unable to help me, she passed me on to her superior. After about an hour with him, he passed me on to an even higher power. When I read his first text introducing himself as Jesus, I lost it. Big time. Good thing it was a text chat, because I laughed like a maniac alone in my room for a long, long time. You know the feeling, right? Tears streaming, uncontrollable guffawing, and trouble catching your breath. My thoughts ran the gamut: What would Jesus do?(WWJD?) I mean, if Jesus can’t fix my iPhone, who can?

We did resets, we tried deleting and reinstalling the account. Somewhere along the way I finally upgraded to IOS 8, but still, no emails.

Apparently Jesus couldn’t fix it after all. After 3 hours with Jesus and his various disciples, he set up a phone call with his boss for 4:30.

I was positively giddy. Was I about to talk to God?

Nope, just a really nice guy named Rik, who couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my phone either. By now, four hours had passed without resolution. The geniuses were flummoxed. What could be the problem?

After all that, there is only one thing it could possibly be:

Clearly, Kim Kardashian’s butt really did break the internet!We did resets, we tried deleting and reinstalling the account. Somewhere along the way I finally upgraded to IOS 8, but still, no emails.

Apparently Jesus couldn’t fix it after all. After 3 hours with Jesus and his various disciples, he set up a phone call with his boss for 4:30.

I was positively giddy. Was I about to talk to God?

Nope, just a really nice guy named Rik, who couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my phone either. By now, four hours had passed without resolution. The geniuses were flummoxed. What could be the problem?

After all that, there is only one thing it could possibly be:

Clearly, Kim Kardashian’s butt really did break the internet!

Top Photo: Glasshouse Images

Kim K photo: Paper Magazine

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