This week I learned something unfortunate. I learned that no matter how hard you fight you will always fight. Persistence and perseverance will get you through each day, but the trials you will face will continue to grow in difficulty. Once you are triumphant there is another trial waiting just beyond. Stronger, harder, and full of energy.

The more unfortunate piece is that you will be tired and weak. You will be dragged down and kicked by the next trial. It will crush your very soul. It will destroy your world as you know it. The fight is to keep pushing. You may sink and need to rest, but you can still come out swinging. Eventually, you will be revitalized and you will decimate the trial and render it a triviality.

This week I was pushed, kicked, spit on, and demoralized. This was followed by a barrage of emotional attacks. I paired this with the physical exhaustion of pushing into a more demanding physical requirement at work. I have now entered into my weekend destroyed. I have no energy. I have no place to hide. I am in my corner, crying, praying, dying.

I hope my fortitude is substantial enough to allow me to persevere. Only with time, will I be able to counter attack. This time, unfortunately, I am alone. I am reaching for my towel with bloodied vision and a cloudy mind. I have been attacked from so many fronts that I do not even recollect where the punches came from, let alone where they landed.

I pushed through and hid my pain, but have approached my first day of rest with the inability to smile. I fear my recovery will be dark. I am already acting out the procedures that should help me strengthen so that I may ascend this trial victoriously. I will not lie to you, I am scared.

I have not sunk this low in a long time. I do not have the energy for anger. I do not have the energy for disappointment. I am tired, but I will return. I will win. I will never stop fighting.

My only hope is that it is all worth fighting for.