People Person: The Journey into Social Cues and Interactions
In the spirit of the holiday (yeah I know it’s May Day, not New Year’s, but please indulge me), I have a desire to try something new for this week’s post. Hence, here I am. Taking a competency that is categorized for the hustlers of the team.
Why did I decide to pick up this topic though? Well, trying to become a people person is not only the hustler’s responsibility in my opinion. In a way, everyone needs to take part in it in order to ensure a smooth relationship, be it within the team or people outside that are involved, during development.
So, Let’s get into it shall we? A little bit of a warning, there will be a few stories told so this might be a long read!
Establishing New Relationships and Developing Existing Ones
Of course I make friends, who doesn’t? Well yeah 1st grader me did not, but that’s a whole different story altogether. How did I make new friends during PsychoTip’s development you ask? Well, it just so happens that one member in the team was a wild card, which is Faraya! Not saying that we completely didn’t know each other in the beginning, but she was not as close as I was with the other people on the team.
Back during the time PPL was still a future project-driven course that will look good on a resume, almost everyone were creating their ideal development team. Naturally, most of us assembled with our own already established group of friends, in which we also did the same thing.
Unfortunately, there were only four of us, while the required amount of members were six, or five if no one is present anymore. So, over the course of the odd-semester holiday, we searched high and low for additional members for our team. After a couple of hard weeks, and the start of the semester getting nearer, we were desperate. At one point, we even considered the option of going our separate ways and merged with other groups that still has space.
But, on the 2nd of January, an angel knocked on our doors.
Of course, we welcomed her with open arms. We didn’t find anyone else after her, so we ended up with a five member development group with her being the only one outside of my established friend group.
In the beginning, you could say things were a little awkward, just like any other new relationships. During this time, we always included Faraya in our daily conversations and shared a lot of corny (sometimes messed up) jokes. Faraya on the other hand, she always tries to get to know us personally and that played a huge part in building this new friendship. She is also apparently the queen of corny jokes, so all of us got along beautifully.
As time went on and us meeting almost every day, that initial awkwardness in the beginning has completely disappeared and is replaced with a familiar sense of camarederie.
Besides making a new friend in the development group, we also got to know our product owners, which are the people from UIAC + Kak Valian! Kak Valian also acts as the resident computer-science-to-human-language translator. The product owners are very supportive of our work, and we’ve created a good working relationship with them.
As for existing relationships, the deep friendship I already have with the rest of the members has also developed. Even though there is that famous saying “do not mix business and pleasure: don’t work with family or friends”, I feel like we overcame that and managed to brush aside that notion. Yeah of course there were a lot of disagreements and complaints, but we always try to take that professionally and not personally.
Understanding People and Lending a Hand When Needed
Part of the core of being a people person is being able to understand people. Understanding their wants and needs for an app? that’s essentially UX, and I’ve got that down to a T with all the experience I got before this development started and also during. But fully understanding people in a daily social interaction context? whoo boy, that’s a whole another thing.
During the development of PsychoTip, we have our fair share of down moments. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes one of us, or even myself, lashes out in the group over a problem. Or if it isn’t a volatile disagreement, we go through a bout of demotivation.
When this happens to my team members, I always try to understand that certain situation, rather than react right away. There are a few things that I’ve learned how to deal with this situation, which are these points below:
- Take time to ask simple questions to understand what is going on with the other person. If they seem upset, angry, irritated, or flustered, I ask them what happened during the day.
- Listen to the issue completely. I always avoid interrupting until they have expressed the situation fully.
- Allow the other person to feel how they are feeling. Never invalidate a person’s feelings. I’ve been at that position, and it sucks. If they’re angry, or sad, or anything, let them express it. By expressing that emotion and not suppressing it, they’ll feel much better and will be more inclined to share what they’re currently experiencing.
- Have compassion for what the other person is going through. During these times, I ask if there’s anything I can do to help. If it’s regarding the application technicalities, I try to find sources that can help them, or takeover some of their workload when I can afford that. But if they need emotional comfort, I always give them hugs (real and virtual) just to show that I care about them, and they’re not alone going through this.
So, How Exactly Do You Become A People Person?
A little info about me: I’m an introvert. Now, being an introvert doesn’t mean I’m shy, but I have to put in extra effort into being a people person. I’m not someone who regularly strikes up conversations with complete strangers in the supermarket checkout line, but I will if it is necessary.
With that in mind, these are some of the things I do that aids me into becoming more of a people person:
- Remember people’s names, at least for the duration of the conversation. When they introduce themselves, repeat their name back. Make sure to repeat it a few times during your conversation.
- Learn a few generic conversation starters and rotate through them. Something like the weather, some sport event (I’m not at all sporty), asking people where they are from, or things about pop culture (most fun topic, but be cautious as it can spark up some debate).
- Learn to take a genuine interest in people and not look down on whatever they are saying. It’s not easy, but it’s very worth it. People are opening themselves up to you: that is an incredible honour.
- Tell them something about yourself. They’ve opened themselves, now it’s your turn to sharing yourself with them. Interacting with someone is a two-way relationship.
- Smile and nod. And mean it.
And there you have it! Thanks for reading!
