The Best 2017–18 NBA Preview You’ve Read Today
Close your eyes and picture Klay, yes KLAY hoisting the Finals MVP Trophy in June of 2018. There you go. Warriors win the title, cement these past 4 years as the greatest team/dynasty in NBA history, and Klay shoots out of his mind to get the trophy this year. BLAZING HOT TAKE Y’ALL! I heart Klay. And I’m not alone. China loves the shit out of Klay. The Ringer just produced an 8 minute video based on the the religion of Klayism. This is real.
So what else is there to discuss? The season was over before it started. Even the GOAT agrees. “You’re going to have one or two teams that are going to be great, and another 28 teams that are going to be garbage.” BTW, that quote was taken from CIGAR AFICIONADO. I could spend at least 2,500 words dissecting the MJ x CA interview, but rather, just watch this clip:
Woah. Watching his airness give zero fucks has me bewildered. Part of me is relieved to know that somebody who I’ve held in such high regard is capable of acting like a jabroni. But there is this other part of me who’s disgusted at the idea of my childhood idol being fallible. Last point on this…how does anybody smoke multiple cigars a day and has any sense of taste/smell? I’m on board with the totally machismo act of sucking a long, girthy symbol of man(liness). But everyday? Multiple times a day? That glass of Cabernet is 100% tasting like a Maduro.
So back to the Association, where the regular season matters…so long as you accept that Predestination is real. And my five totally well thought out reasons why you should be torqued for the season:
- I could make a valid case that every team in the league has something intriguing/entertaining about them. I’m not nearly smart/dedicated enough to detail those reasons for you. But Zach Lowe, the basketball Einstein (according to ESPN) agrees with me. I dare you to challenge me on this. Hit me up on twitter and give me a team that you don’t think is worth watching. I’ll destroy you. Brooklyn Nets?…see image below:
2. I have been a die hard Knicks fan since 1994. I’m not going to waste your time turning this column into a self-loathing therapy session. Instead I’m taking the high road. Management appears to be taking the right approach (minus the $72 mil on Hardaway) and embarking on a full rebuild…something they should’ve done in 2014. We also have a couple young prospects. Frank Nktilinkintinika has a seven foot wingspan. Jay Bilas likes that. Willy Hernangomez projects as a really really poor man’s Marc Gasol. He just needs to improve his footwork and learn to shade on the defensive picks (real basketball talk!). Oh…and of course I’d save this for last but we have a MOTHERFUCKING UNICORN still 3 years away from truly being unleashed on this crumbling world. Instead of bitching about Phil or Dolan we should all feel like Daenerys Targaryen in season 4 of GOT when she just starts to realize how destructive those dragons will soon become.
3. Steve Kerr would almost definitely agree with me that the Timberwolves are the one team that keeps him awake at night (it actually might be the spinal fluid leaking from his botched back surgery that keeps him up at night…that was dark I really do feel terrible for him). If the KAT continues to develop into the best center in the league (guaranteed), Jimmy Buckets does Jimmy Buckets type things and Wiggins decides to care about winning (so sorry, eh!)…this team is dangerous. Did I mention that they have Jamal “I’m 37 and still the Crossover King” Crawford and Taj “The Working Man” Gibson? There is still room on this bandwagon. Come join me! Howllllll!!!
4. *LUKEWARM TAKE* LeBron and the Cavs do not make it out of the Eastern Conference. A healthy Isaiah is not Kyrie. A gimpy Isaiah is closer to Nate Robinson than Kyrie. I get it was smart long-term for the Cavs to snag that 1st round pick from the C’s. But news alert, LeBron is a human being with red blood cells and mitochondria and he is 32 and has way too many miles on those legs. They are going to smartly Popovich his minutes (yes Popovich can be used as a verb) and instead lean on K-Love during the season, leaving him liftless for the playoffs.
5. Passing is the new Dunking. Thanks to (i) the success of the Spurs/Warriors/D’Antoni system of constant movement both on and off ball, (ii) Euroball has continued to incept the NBA, (iii) it’s a lot easier for your average 13 year old to imitate Steph draining a corner three versus a windmill dunk, and (iv) analytics has finally become mainstream within the league, the level of passing and overall basketball intelligence has shot up. Sure small/big pick and rolls still dominate the sport, but as a whole the gameplay has become more entertaining. Case in point; my wife will not sit through a baseball game (I can’t sit through a baseball game), or football game (too violent and hard to connect with the players). But Warriors v Rockets (assuming there is no strategic “resting” taking place) is something she would stick around for. It’s all due to the motion and passing. The Bulls, yes the BULLS (only shot 22 threes a game last year)are changing their tune…
I’m excited. Sure, we might sorta know how the season is going to unfold. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy Milos Teodosic throwing 60 foot lobs to DeAndre OR marvel at Rudy Gobert’s rim protection OR genuinely feel happy for Brett Brown rising up from the ashes of the Process OR wonder what type of player Lonzo will be. I could keep going but I think you get the point. The NBA has been so damn captivating all summer. Let the games begin.
editors note: the author of this blog post is a basketball junkie and has admittedly watched preseason Hawks vs Mavericks last week (Dennis Smith Jr. is the real deal)
