I’m not a crier, but at least one a week chile…
There is at least once a week where I feel like “what the fuckkkkkk, am I missing something, why can’t I pick this up?” And that leads to me either needing to breathe really heavily or I have to shed some thug tears. No shame in it either, shits real. I’m a perfectionist and I want to do well.
This week it was Tuesday, the client asked for something that I had no clue what it was. It felt like there was a time crunch and people were busy and I got help but then I didn’t really know how to sift through the document. And all I wanted to do was tell the client, no we can’t get this to you. I think it also made me realize very quickly certain conversations are not meant for Slack. Because we’re all chiming in, and whose word do I take a bond, do I need everyone to chime in here, and how do I interpret all the thoughts into coherent thoughts on paper. It is a lot to figure out. So there’s a limitation to Slack for sureee!
But once we all hopped on Zoom, I felt better. I felt like it was an opportunity for us to take a pause, think about the project, think about our working relationship and also to remember that I’m new and I’m going to need to lean harder on y’all at times and vice versa.
I think this week was an opportunity for me to see team dynamics and how they change from team. How teams connect varies. And the pieces of myself that I lean into more vary from team to team, and what the team needs. For one of my projects it’s a super lively team personality wise and there’s an openness that everyone is sharing where their head is at in/outside of the project. For another project the energy is different, it’s a mix of lively/calm but the energy reallyyyy comes out when we talk about the work, and the impact we’re going to make. Versus another project we’re in the early stages but as of now, I can feel people are ready to make impact and there’s a calmness to how we show up on calls. And my methods change too, some calls it’s twice a week checkins, other teams it’s 3 days a week and other teams there aren’t checkins but longer sessions. I also see some channels are more for the brainstorming, some channels are more for updates.
I also had moments this week in talking to a few people that I expressed this uncertainty of where/how to bring my skills to the table. And they were essentially like, say the idea, bring up your interests on a project even if it doesn’t quote on quote sit within your role, anyone can help on anything you just gotta speak on it. So if you want to help on research, surveys, work sessions, programs for the work sessions, brainstorming, anything else you want to bring to the table let folx know. People would love the help and want the assistance so just speak up. Remembering not waiting for someone to ask you to do something. That I’m pretty sure is my nature, I’m def a take initiative kind of gal.