Man Up, You Fucking Punk!
In my previous article, I gave a brief overview of how we should redefine “You ___ like a girl!”. In this article, I would like to remain on the same topic but go into more depth by examining the stigma that men are obligated to hide their emotions to validate that they are a true man. In doing this, I hope to understand how we can deconstruct the categorization of gender.
What makes a man? Is it the muscles that show their physical strength? Is it their pride? Is it the emotionless look they portray despite having an immense pain deep inside them? Or is it power that validates them as a man? Perhaps it’s these attributes and more. To be a man is to protect your damsel in distress. To be a man is to hold your head high. To be a man is to never feel or show. To be a man… to be a man…
I grew up with a father that was a “machista”. If he said one thing, you had better agree. The man of the house was never wrong. It was natural then, for my father to always be in the right during arguments with my mother. There was no telling him otherwise. My mother would sit at the bottom of the stairs sobbing while I sat beside her reminding her that she is a strong woman. I would tell her that to be strong meant no tears. I didn’t want my dad to see her vulnerability and take advantage of that weakness. But she wore her emotions on her sleeve and had no intention of hiding them. Little did I know that being vulnerable was a new form of strength and power. My dad however, always looked emotionless after arguments, if not emotionless, then just filled with anger. So, it struck me by surprise when I saw him crying alone in the car one night. Why? Why do you have to hide to feel your emotions? The answer was power, if he hid his emotions from us, we would never witness weakness thus allowing him feel powerful. But there is something so saddening about the inability to show your emotions because you feel you may be lesser. I don’t hold any anger or remorse towards my dad like I had when I was younger. I saw my father as an unkind person, I didn’t find his lack of empathy to be powerful, but I understand now that he was taught to live in such a manner that puts women down, and builds men up through the eradication of the portrayal of emotions. It is not his fault that the generations before him created that environment for him. He was socialized to be a machista, but luckily, he has a daughter that forces him to understand women’s rights because no longer does his daughter keep her opinions and emotions to herself. The lack of empathy and emotions were intended to show strength, and though I am using my father as an example, there are many people who still believe these are the traits necessary to be a true man.
Power is the epitome of masculinity. If you lack emotions, there is nothing to be attacked or harmed. If there is nothing capable of hurting you, because you have been socialized to dismiss all emotions (except for anger), you now hold power, and therefore are validated as a true man. If we reanalyze however, we can better understand that despite obtaining these attributes, a “true man” is possibly exhibiting the wrong meaning of being emotionless. This man has the intention of seeming powerful but through his portrayal of the” true man” attributes, he may seem arrogant or intolerable causing people to distance themselves, and thus eliminating the power he thought he held. The media has always shown the emotionless man as the model for the type of man to be, but it is time to deconstruct.
Deconstruction is, then, an important exercise, for it allows us to be critical of the way in which ideas we want to use are ordinarily expressed, exhibited in patterns of meaning that may undercut the ends we seek to attain
In my previous article, I explained how language can be misunderstood and is intended to be questioned. By deconstructing, we are acting on our affair and may begin reconstructing efficiently. Instead of continuing this idea that men must not feel, we must deconstruct and create an understanding that emotions are encouraged. We need to rewire ourselves to understand that feeling our emotions is not to be a negative. Emotions are typically related to a women’s characteristics, but as explained in my previous article, we must stop degrading women, and begin understanding that both men and women are diverse. There is no single way of acting.
There is a constant overflow of new ideas, how do we expect to continue socially conditioning gender. Both men and women are entitled to be who they are without the fear of being dehumanized because they are not following the socially constructed ideas of what it is to be a man and a woman. I think it’s time to start embracing “You ___ like a girl!” and saying no to “Man up!”.
