Saying “Bye” to the Gender Binary

It seems strange that we find it necessary to be able to look at a complete stranger and, based upon superficial characteristics such as the way they are dressed, the length of their hair, and the pitch of their voice, desire to predict the construction of their genitalia. And yet, that is the essence of what we do, and then we use the pronouns and gendered language that we think fits what we have assumed they look like beneath their clothes. We know that sex is biological and that gender is the social construct that we associate with each side the binary, and yet we continue to buy into these roles and perform in accordance with what we were taught, even altering our appearances to better fit the ideas of masculinity of femininity. What we don’t seem to understand, is that this binary is a completely false dichotomy, but our society is so attached to it that doctors even perform surgery on intersex children in order fill in the F/M box on the birth certificate. Not only is this problematic in the sense that it is unnecessary surgery performed on a child with the inability to consent to or provide input on a process that will affect their entire life, but it also helps reinforce this false idea that people are either one or the other, and forces them to fit into the little F/M box. This false binary affects all of us so much so that we continue the cycle of raising our children to believe in it as well, teaching them the proper performances for their associated gender such as what color onesie they wear, what color their room is painted, and even which toys, movies, and other media they can consume. We are so attached to this idea that many of us become upset when things are not labeled by gender, especially at Target where the company has received immense backlash for things as simple as removing the gendered signs from the toy isles and creating gender-neutral bathrooms. Why is it that we get so upset when children want to break their gender stereotypes? Specifically it seems that young girls are allowed to play sports and enjoy “boy’s toys” as long as they continue to perform femininely enough, but whenever a young boy picks up a Barbie, people become anxious and discourage the child from pursuing his interests. Whispers of “does that make him gay?” begin to circulate and there is a fear that he will continue to express interest in these feminine pass times. Why is this? Could it be related to systematic homophobia? Or perhaps transphobia? Is our heteronormativity that strong? I think these are accurate, but also stem from the underlying problems of sexism, and oppressive gender roles. The gender roles we impose upon ourselves and those around us serve to perpetuate systems of patriarchal dominance through the systematic valuing of men and masculinity over women and femininity, and assigning infant children a gender identity which is essentially a stereotype at birth that will determine their value in society from that moment forward is an example of just that. Regardless of the child’s potential for various skill sets, they will be socialized in a way that puts them on a path deemed fit for them by their genitals at birth (or a surgically altered version). Thus, how can we ever truly achieve equality when we continue to enforce this gender binary? There can be no reformist feminism for the goal of gender equality within a system that inherently enforces the opposite. We need a revolutionary kind of feminism as described by bell hooks in “Feminism is for Everybody” that will seek to dismantle the social systems like capitalism and the patriarchy and radically change the current structures of kinship, marriage, and education in order to achieve a situation where the way someone looks or how well they fit into a stereotype will in no way be indicative of their sex organs and children will not be sent down a specific life path because of an arbitrary system. We must not strive to balance the scaled but rather to get rid of the scales entirely. We must go beyond gender equality and achieve a kind of humanism that would allow for talents and skills to develop and be used regardless of sexual or gendered expression and instead allow each individual to earn their merit and fill their potentials as they choose instead of in the manner forced upon them by this outdated gender binary system.