So your 3-year-old boy wants a Barbie?

Over a year ago Target decided to do away with the “boy” and “girl” toy aisle signage, and people all over the internet lost their shit.

While we’ve moved on to different news, like Trump and the Kardashians, the ideology behind the hysteria remains very strong.

Just the other day while babysitting a three-year-old boy who decided to play with my old purses, jewelry and nail polish, my mother became concerned that I was “turning” him. I believe her exact words were, “Don’t you think you’re going to make him gay like that?”

My first thoughts: (1)girl, that’s crazy (2) so many people would agree with that thought process though, and (3) but it’s wack.

Why it’s wack:

First of all, this boy’s playing with “feminine” toys, has nothing to do with his sexuality. Period. The idea that it does, comes from the implication of hegemonic masculine and feminine roles that we become subject to the moment the doctor says, “It’s a ___.”

Males are supposed to be assertive, intelligent, strong and being attracted to women is a given. Females are supposed to be delicate, beautiful, submissive, supportive and attracted to men. So by deciding to play dress-up, this little boy was breaking the norm and assuming a female role by concerning himself with beauty. Furthermore, if he could break that norm, he might as well break all of them and grow to be a feminine, gay man.

But these are just roles that are fed to us, and I argue that we are not limited to these personalities and traits.

Feminist Gayle Rubin writes, “the division of the sexes has the effect of repressing some of the personality characteristics of virtually everyone, men and women.” This is exactly the case. This is the kind of social norm that denies men the ability to perform “feminine” behaviors. It’s not necessarily a fact that men cannot be delicate, beautiful, submissive, supportive and attracted to men. All of these things are definitely possible. However, rather than bring out these parts of themselves, men are prone to repress them because that’s not who they are “supposed to be.” To act upon these feelings or thoughts, in our society, is frowned upon. To be something other than the gender you are “supposed to be” is confusing to the internalized, hegemonic gender roles we have set up. It causes anxiety in our society, and those people who are stirring up the gender roles, the “others” if you will, are ridiculed or ostracized.

bell hooks would agree that we are all victims of oppression in patriarchy, including men. She writes that “patriarchy stripped men of certain rights, imposing on them a sexist, masculine identity.” Men are oppressed through their roles in the system because they cannot stray. I feel bad for the men that cannot show emotion because they are too manly. I feel bad for the men that cannot enjoy a pedicure and a relaxing bath because both of those are “feminine things,” and a threat to their masculinity. I feel bad for these men who are denied the freedom of enjoying parts of themselves that we have labeled feminine.

These roles we play are simply not an integrated part of who we are as people. We can’t put a gender on traits and hobbies that are a part of who we are and what we enjoy, or at least we shouldn’t. People are people, and the truth is that we are too unique in our ways to be placed in a gendered box.

How sad is it that we have to suppress parts of ourselves because they are not what fits in? How sad is it that we cannot be our full selves lest we be shunned? We are so much more than the gendered boxes we are placed in, and it is a shame to see us fall into the trap and conform.

So in the end, the boy that wants to play dress-up has fallen victim to the patriarchal norms when we tell him he cannot enjoy that in particular. Under my watch though, he can play with whatever toys he wants to play with. Who am I to get in the way of his developing a personality? This kid is enjoying a pass time; it doesn’t have to have anything to do with his sexuality. There’s no harm in painting his nails and carrying a purse, so I say let ‘em.