I Can’t Say It Out Loud

but I think about you more than I could count.

I get all weird and excited when I’m with you,

And I can’t get you off my mind,

cliche, like a song but that’s what happened.

All the little moments we had,

keep playing and playing in my head,
like alcohol keeping my drunk,
nicotine keeping me wanting more,
and porn that keeps on repeating.

I can’t say it out loud for I afraid people might not agreed of what I think of you.

When you laugh at my jokes,
When you replied my texts,
When we talk back and forth for a short period of time,
It is when I can’t stop smiling all by myself.

We have been apart for so long I think my heart longs for your voice.

This, is not a note written by someone who fell in love,
This, is a note of depression and realization that I can’t have you,
And you can’t have me.

I can’t say it out loud but what I have is not normal and you are.