So the journey to IVF for Brenda and I has been pretty intense. We went from not having a clue about why we weren’t getting pregnant to having a glimmer of hope and a whole lot of reading to do. One thing has stuck out with regards to my biological contribution however; my sperm are going to be awesome!
The clinical reading about the different ‘washes’ and treatments for selecting sperm from my sample is a bit dry, so here’s my perspective: It’s a battle-royale. Think about the start of movie 300, but on a miniscule scale. The young are sent into the wild and only once they emerge victorious over all the elements are they declared future leaders. King Leonidas is an appropriate baby names for an IVF kid.
Let’s break it down into the tests:
One test is to see if your sperm can swim effectively. If the idea of an extreme motor sport for your little army doesn’t make you smile, I don’t know what will. Just picture thousands of microscopic Mario Andretti’s speeding their way through the formula 1 race-track known commonly as petri dish.
Another test is to see if your semen-soldiers still have their wits about them; to see if they can aim and if they even have a chance of reaching their target when it’s hiding in plain sight. I don’t like the idea of the glue-eaters taking up space in the crowded VIP lounge; otherwise known as a speck of fluid containing my wife’s eggs.
The last test is to see if your little-man-militia can penetrate the target. If they can’t, a specialist will fracture the eggs and inject them for you. I was more than happy with the idea of a full-service highway being created for the little folk, but knowing that the swim-team are able to hold a machete and run through the jungle brings me confidence.
One more thing about the successful candidates; the ones who win the Sperm Olympics and find themselves developing as embryos inside eggs: they can be frozen! Like Wesley Snipes and Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man!!!
This is so that the surgical process of an egg harvest may only have to happen once.
What’s happening is that all water is taken out of the embryos and replaced with a fluid that has a really low freezing point before being tucked away in the the coolest of fridges (pun intended). The fluid is to make sure nothing crystallizes or fractures (because crystals are sharp and growing thousands of mini-blades internally will kill regardless of surviving something as awesome as stasis).
So that sounds cool enough, right? Surviving stasis and having your champion egg and sperm warriors saved in a piggy bank, ready for battle when needed?
You’re damned right it’s awesome!
It also means that, technically at least:
ALL YOUR CHILDREN CAN BE CONCEIVED AT THE SAME TIME!!!
I laugh at the thought of saying “Billy, leave your younger sister alone, she’s technically the same age as you”.
Anyway, these are the early day excited ramblings of an under-informed hopeful father.
Like Brenda said, we’re still waiting for the first period to come so we can start hormone treatment. Till then, I’ll be looking at sexy pictures of beakers readying myself for game day.
UPDATE: 15 eggs extracted. 11 fertilised. 5 embryos selected for freezing. 1 currently inside brenda. Fingers crossed
—Andy
