14 thoughts by an evolved ape
Here we are again.
I am really bad at quitting. But have often found myself not finishing things. “What’s the difference?”, you ask.
Simple answer: ego.
Quitting requires conviction. It requires making a decision. It means taking ownership of your action. Not finishing happens passively. Well after a task is unfinished past it’s due date, you’re telling people you’re going to get around to doing it, mostly because you believe you’re going to do it. But then you don’t do it and it just withers away — you hope no one is really paying attention… it occasionally becomes a distant memory, but usually it’s just there, hanging in the back of your head, misleading you to believe that you’re busy.
When asked about it, you roll out your usual plethora of excuses, and they’re generally good excuses too — they sound real, it’s because you’ve believed them to be real. And then you actually get busy and guess what’s the most important thing on your mind then — that’s right, that unfinished task. Suddenly, every atom in your body aches to do that one task that you were unable to get yourself to finish when you actually had the time… of course, when you had the time, you’d convinced yourself that you were busy and didn’t get around to doing it.
Classic procrastinator.
When I was a kid, I wrote a lot. Lots of dumb stuff, some good writing, some unintelligible ramblings (so, not much has changed huh?) — but the important thing was that I wrote. I wrote because I had to. I wrote because I wanted to. I wrote because it seemed natural to me. But over the last decade and a half, I’ve approached writing like I used to approach running. Until very recently (a year ago), my approach to running was that I should be running. I didn’t run because it was what I wanted to do, I ran because I felt that if I didn’t see the numbers tick up on my Nike running app, then I would put on weight — which is not flawed logic, but it was the flawed approach to get myself to run.
Then, mid last year, I went for a run without my phone — up Montjuic hill in Barcelona. It was one of the best runs I’d ever had. Not by time or pace, but just by the sheer joy of it. As I climbed each step up towards the castle, my legs getting heavier by the second, the adrenaline and the endorphins combined, gave me a pure sensation of “losing myself” in the moment. It was the closest I’ve ever come to meditation and it’s become a feeling I’m addicted to. And the last year has been the most regular I’ve been at running. I still run with my phone because I’m addicted to numbers. I still occasionally have a short fortnight-long break when life gets too hectic, but the important thing is I no longer run because I feel like I should. I run because I want to. I run because it feels natural.
I came here for a 14-point listicle and all I get is your broken thoughts on running?
Oh yes, sorry, there’s no listicle here. I’ll write one when it needs to be written. But this is about my attempt at writing 14 posts in 14 days. I want to write because it feels good. I want whatever cells in my brain fire the creative cannons to exercise daily. My goal is to become a regular writer. Ideally I’d commit to a 365-day writing program, but I know me and I know that that’s just a recipe for failure.
So here we are again. Another occasional, wanna-be writer, starting his “daily” blog again.
Please don’t feed the apes.
Sahil works as breaker of things at a travel startup, his spirit animal is Wally of Where’s Wally? fame and he will deny with his dying breath that he has a sweet-tooth. You can send him hate mail here, here and here. When you do, ask him why he wrote this in third person.
Obligatory call to action: Please validate me as a human being by clicking ❤. I access my self worth in how many likes this thing gets — you don’t want me to be unhappy, do you‽
