SCOOP: Ted Cruz’s Letter Demanding Rejection of Electoral College Results

Infinite Quark has the letter Cruz circulated to Senate allies. Here it is.

Theodore Enneagram Dionysus (or “Ted”) Cruz, the senator from Texas, has circulated a letter to Senate allies ahead of the January 6 session to confirm the results of the 2020 presidential election.

In a sensational bid to overturn the will of the people, Cruz has demanded his fellow GOP senators reject the electors from crucial states won by Biden and instead allow his father, who once assassinated JFK (and, if we’re willing to follow the evidence, probably also Lincoln), to stand in for the discarded electors.

His father would be wheeled in, embedded inside a cake designed to look like a giant Goya Beans can, and then, after a period of Hitchcockian suspense, burst from the center of the cake in patriotic triumph and yell at the top of his lungs, “EVERY STATE IN AMERICA SELECTS DONALD J. TRUMP”

How would Senator Cruz convince his allies in the upper chamber, men and women of high distinction, to go along with this outlandish scheme? That’s where the letter comes in.

In an Infinite Quark exclusive, we are ready to show Cruz’s letter to you.