Confessions of a sister — To the end of jealousy, competition and ‘secret’ hate between women

Photo by Jakob Steen

In loving dedication to all my ladies around the world

This is an intimate revelation of my experience of a shadow side we don’t usually talk about.

I’ve realised something incredibly humbling:

Despite my praise of and pride in the feminine, my awakening consciousness and my belief that we are all divine and perfect;

I had ever so subtly excluded other women from my deepest heart.

What triggered this realisation was an exceptionally tormenting emotional response I had the other day when I caught myself thinking very unloving and critical thoughts about a ‘sister’.

I was standing there feeling entitled to express my dislike towards her. Completely out of ‘nowhere’ I felt an urge to separate myself from her and her work. As I spat out my judgements of her; indicating that I somehow feel superior to her — like she just wasn’t cool enough for my approval, I felt absolutely awful.

It dawned on me that this was a version of something I had done countless times in my life.

This time I just couldn’t ignore the acute sensation of being completely drained of energy. It was as if I had reached a point where I could no longer carry the weight of this pattern.

I sat down and wept — no actually, I bawled.

What followed was a sudden profound clarity of how this was a pattern that had quietly, yet consistently, contaminated my life.

Turns out — this touches the very core of such a debilitating pattern of perspective I see in myself and many other women in my life:

Competition, jealousy, comparison and secretly hating on other women.

Calling all feminine hearts!

If this resonates with you, listen for a sec.; this is a call to you from the bottom of my heart.

Let’s heal together. Let’s embrace our ugliest shadows. Let’s pour some serious love on this taboo.

It’s time we start loving, honouring and respecting each other unconditionally.

I KNOW we are all preaching this — I know on a surface level this is something many of us express and believe in; sisterhood, supporting each other, loving each other through our differences.

And still I feel so much tension, competition, criticism and fear amongst us.

I want to get really real now, what I am talking about is this:



When we are feeling jealous of each other’s success or accomplishments, when we separate ourselves from each other, when we entertain hateful thoughts about one another:

“She has no taste”, “She’s so not in touch with her feminine side”, “She’s so ‘unenlightened’/’woo-woo’”, “I don’t get what people see in her”, “She’s so fake, such an imposter”, “She’s taking my shine”, “she’s stealing my work”, “She’s such an attention junkie”, “She’s so superficial”, “She does not look like that in real life”, “She has no talent — who is she kidding?”, She’s totally trying to steal my man’s attention”….

  • We are forgetting that “she”, whoever that is in the moment, is merely a reflection of ourselves.
  • We are forgetting that what she triggers in us, is simply a part of ourselves that we have yet to accept and embrace.
  • We are forgetting that how we experience ‘her’, what we see in ‘her’ is a direct result of how we experience ourselves, what we see in ourselves.
  • We are forgetting that there is no such thing as lack and scarcity — that we can ALL have ALL of the success and shine and love in the world, regardless of how much ‘other women’ get.
  • We are believing in and identifying with a separate personality-construct that ultimately we create ourselves.
  • We are forgetting that we are ONE.

We always have a choice

When I am out with my man and we meet a radiant and brightly attractive woman, I can choose to close myself off, scold my man for looking her way and compare myself to her.

OR I can choose to enjoy her — feel enlivened, excited and even more lit up myself by her light.
I don’t loose ANYTHING by recognising her light or by my man recognising her light. Even if there is a sense of intimidation or lack, I can choose to see that her and I are one ultimately.

When I see a woman who I feel is closed off and superficial, perhaps even downright nasty in her energy or actions, I can choose to judge that — see her ugliness and distance myself from her.

OR I can choose to recognise the divinity in her — I can choose to see past the closure and unconsciousness and only see her magic.

When I see a woman succeed massively in something, I can choose to let that intimidate me — put her down, listen to my own sense of unworthiness and try to find reasons for why she is unworthy too.

OR I can choose to honour her and cheer her on for being who she is. Be proud of her. I can choose to feel gratitude for her unique expression, however it manifests — whether it falls into my aesthetics or any other mental labels or boxes I have created.

When I see a woman who I feel keeps wallowing around in old patterns of victimhood and suffering, I can choose to feel irritated with her, distance myself from her and indulge in feelings of superiority.

OR I can choose to see her strength regardless of what see is believing, see her potential and let her know that she is absolutely capable and able to work her way through that. What’s more, I can recognise my own unconscious patterns in what triggers me about her suffering and see the perfection and growth in the life-journey she is taking.
Photo by Jakob Steen

Let the healing begin

1 whatever thoughts or emotions come up: it’s okay.

Accept them, however despicable they may seem. Just allow whatever has emerged already.

I see this so clearly: it doesn’t matter how ugly or dark the thoughts are, it doesn’t matter how embarrassing or disgraceful the emotions are — they do not define me.

They do not own me, I do not own them.

2 I can recognize:

  1. This feels fucking awful.
  2. If it feels like this, it must not be true.
  3. There must be a higher way for me to see this situation/person.
  4. What perspective/thought actually resonates with my truth?

3 I can ask myself:

  • What do I want to emit?
  • What energy do I want to send others?
  • How do I want others to feel around me? Judged? Unworthy? Or loved? Supported? Seen?

Instead of letting passing thoughts and emotions define a miserable reality for me, that I then direct outward onto someone else — contaminate/pollute their energy, I can wrap the thoughts and emotions in light and love.

I can recognise them for being learning opportunities — catalysts for expansion, opportunity for growth and transformation.

The sweetness that follows

I have found that when I do this;
when I love ‘her’, when I love you all unconditionally, I am opened beyond myself, beyond anything I can explain.

In this state, I cannot feel lacking, I cannot feel jealousy.

I am just openness expanding outward; I am giggly, I am light, I am blissed out in love with everything I see.

I was ready to face another layer of this and so it fired in my face, thankfully!

I have set such a clear intention to call out within myself even the subtlest subtleties of separation with you.

I bow to your light gorgeous — you are perfect as you are in this moment and always.

I am so ready to love you unconditionally, as the unique expression of oneness that you are.

Ultimately I am you, whoever you are.

Dear sister. Ho’oponopono. Thank you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I see you. I love you.