Finding freedom meant releasing the fear
Ace passed away. We buried him in the backyard and throughout the day we talked about what a great cat he was. We also talked about the concept of death.
I just accept that death is part of the cycle of life, and there is no point in being afraid of it.
Why do I need to be afraid of dying?
No one in my family thought it was okay when I told them not to mourn when I die.
“You need to ‘life coach’ yourself into caring, Kayla,” my mom stated. “Everyone’s afraid of dying.”
But the point is, when I cared, life was hard. I worried. I had anxiety. I avoided doing things because I thought about the chance my life could end early or tragically. Since I stopped being afraid, I am able to let go and actually live! I experience true freedom.
Living Life Without Fear
I’m 30 years old and I feel like I’ve lived a whole lot. I grew up early, leaving home at 16 years old. I had a lot of experiences really fast in those first few years past my parents’ reach.
During that time, I did attempt suicide. So I do know what it is like to really want to die. That is nothing like the feeling I have now. I am not even apathetic or despondent; I am happy and I love life! I just accept that death is part of the cycle of life, and there is no point in being afraid of it.
Learning to Live
In 2014, I left the US to teach English in Spain. It was there that I discovered what living was really like. I realized that my life in the USA, working all day so I can afford a place to sleep at night, and waking up only to work again, was not freedom.
Chelsea Marie explains this better than I can in very few words here:
Slavery in Freedom’s Guise
— still, they feed us lies. A poetic response to Daphelba’s inkMend July Writing Prompt: Freedom.
Since I left the states, I have learned to forge my own path and really find freedom. The point is, I’ve come to a place of acceptance. I accept that life is temporary and I’m working hard to make every single day count.
After nearly 4 years in Spain, I moved to Myanmar. Traveling is my passion and I have been to over 30 countries. I work online and make my own schedule with plenty of time for self-care and relaxation.
In my mind, real independence is knowing that I lived life my way.
When I Die…
Whatever happens, don’t worry that I was afraid or in pain in my last moments. Don’t worry that I was alone. Now that I know and love myself, I’m never alone. No matter when or how it happens, just know that I lived, and I was free.