Accepting Death

Finding freedom meant releasing the fear

Kayla Douglas
Jul 26, 2019 · 3 min read
Photo by Filipe Dos Santos Mendes on Unsplash

Ace passed away. We buried him in the backyard and throughout the day we talked about what a great cat he was. We also talked about the concept of death.

I just accept that death is part of the cycle of life, and there is no point in being afraid of it.

No one in my family thought it was okay when I told them not to mourn when I die.

“You need to ‘life coach’ yourself into caring, Kayla,” my mom stated. “Everyone’s afraid of dying.”

But the point is, when I cared, life was hard. I worried. I had anxiety. I avoided doing things because I thought about the chance my life could end early or tragically. Since I stopped being afraid, I am able to let go and actually live! I experience true freedom.

Living Life Without Fear

I’m 30 years old and I feel like I’ve lived a whole lot. I grew up early, leaving home at 16 years old. I had a lot of experiences really fast in those first few years past my parents’ reach.

During that time, I did attempt suicide. So I do know what it is like to really want to die. That is nothing like the feeling I have now. I am not even apathetic or despondent; I am happy and I love life! I just accept that death is part of the cycle of life, and there is no point in being afraid of it.

Learning to Live

In 2014, I left the US to teach English in Spain. It was there that I discovered what living was really like. I realized that my life in the USA, working all day so I can afford a place to sleep at night, and waking up only to work again, was not freedom.

Chelsea Marie explains this better than I can in very few words here:

Since I left the states, I have learned to forge my own path and really find freedom. The point is, I’ve come to a place of acceptance. I accept that life is temporary and I’m working hard to make every single day count.

Real Independence

After nearly 4 years in Spain, I moved to Myanmar. Traveling is my passion and I have been to over 30 countries. I work online and make my own schedule with plenty of time for self-care and relaxation.

In my mind, real independence is knowing that I lived life my way.

When I Die…

Whatever happens, don’t worry that I was afraid or in pain in my last moments. Don’t worry that I was alone. Now that I know and love myself, I’m never alone. No matter when or how it happens, just know that I lived, and I was free.

This is a response to the Freedom — July Writing Prompt by Daphelba DeBeauvoir in the publication inkMend.

inkMend

inkMend is a writer’s safe space on Medium to express…

Thanks to Leah Spence 🕊

Kayla Douglas

Written by

Life Coach, author, lifelong learner, travel enthusiast, narcolepsy advocate, living in Myanmar, she/her https://www.kaylamdouglas.com

inkMend

inkMend

inkMend is a writer’s safe space on Medium to express experience with pain and write to heal from trauma. Inspired fiction, poetry, and non-fiction/memoir welcome.

Kayla Douglas

Written by

Life Coach, author, lifelong learner, travel enthusiast, narcolepsy advocate, living in Myanmar, she/her https://www.kaylamdouglas.com

inkMend

inkMend

inkMend is a writer’s safe space on Medium to express experience with pain and write to heal from trauma. Inspired fiction, poetry, and non-fiction/memoir welcome.

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