Saying ‘Thank you’ instead of ‘Sorry’ helped me to heal
Learning to apologize less helped my mental health and self-esteem
A few years ago, I was very unwell with my mental illness. After attempting to take my life, I was admitted to a psychiatric ward where I had to stay for several weeks. As soon as I had the chance to reflect upon what had led to my admission to the hospital, I started to feel incredibly guilty.
My partner had been unable to help me as I tried to disappear from this world, and he didn’t deserve to feel so helpless. The guilt I was feeling completely consumed me, and the fact that I was still feeling suicidal made it all so much worse. Being someone who uses writing as a therapeutic source and a way to vent my feelings, I sat cross-legged on my hospital bed and picked up my notebook and pen. I began to scribble an apology letter to my boyfriend.
I said sorry for everything — for worrying him, for upsetting him, and for trying to end it all and leave him behind. I apologized for keeping my suicide plan a secret from him so that he couldn’t do anything to stop me.
I said sorry for landing myself in hospital, meaning that he had to take care of the house on his own. I apologized for lying to him a couple of weeks earlier when I had told him that I was feeling better. I…
