The Meaning of Enough
And why understanding what that means to you is so important.
I was fortunate to be raised in an extremely well-off family. My father worked and still works to this day, extremely hard at whatever task is at hand. He learned how to work hard work in university, where he studied chemistry and computer science and realized quickly that hard work and persistence were the only ways he was going to get through. Before university, he was average in school, getting by just to receive a high school diploma.
His parents both worked extremely hard as well but with the intention of getting out of poverty, both coming from rather unstable families. By the time my father had grown up, they had done it. They also learned what mattered, and would often say to my father in conversations at the dinner table:
“Enough… That is enough.”
I asked my mom after what they meant by that, and then she told me about their childhoods and what they had learned — they understood what truly mattered by experiencing the lack thereof. I understood quickly and felt I agreed with their mindset over the distinctly different, grandiose mindset of my parents.
There is stability in enough. There’s gratitude. There is peace and stillness. The energy that is constantly present in American, or western culture, is exhausting to me. I don’t want to be constantly needing “more” and yet, I feel that energy transferring into my consciousness and testing me daily. All I need to do is open Instagram or my apartment door to get a whiff of what feels like a universal urge.
Unfortunately, my father to this day hasn’t understood the concept of enough, nor has my mom. Combined, they struggle with workaholism, binge eating, hoarding, compulsive shopping, and alcoholism. These vices didn’t form without the presence of extremely complex trauma, and me mentioning them isn’t to attribute any blame. It’s to examine the differences between my grandparents, my parents, and myself. As well as the differences in other cultures compared to America.
One of the reasons I think my parents and many others believe that more is better than enough is because they don’t question the whiff. They believe that because it is stimulating, that life is short, that they should just… carry on with this energy as most others around them do. They believe that because it is stimulating, it will give them life, and therefore prefer to live that out with their choices.
I understand that belief. As a daughter, now mid-20s, I’m no stranger to a few of those vices. With age and trauma, it’s hard for anyone to have an honest 100% clear track record. But through experiencing these vices, I genuinely don’t want them — I don’t see any benefit to them. I see the benefits of simple living and the gratitude it brings to people and communities. I want my life to honor those values.
So, I think it’s important to question what the difference is between more and enough. And better yet, is there a way to learn without experiencing pain?
I have hope that it is so, as many people right now seem to be interested in the concepts of hygge, minimalism, and the cottage core aesthetic. Or, maybe, they’ve all experienced a different kind of pain in which the cause doesn’t discriminate — one of overwhelm and exhaustion.
Every individual is trying to find a way to meet their unique needs, albeit trauma can sometimes confuse you a bit, and everyone is a bit traumatized. That’s why it’s important to not bring blame into the equation — nobody is 100% knowledgeable in meeting their own needs at all times.
When it comes to enough, though, I believe as human beings, we all share similar physical and psychological needs. We all need to be accepted, loved, and protected by one or more sources. We need to be able to sustain and express ourselves daily, which doesn’t come easily. There are so many people in this world, so many needs having to be met — with at least 50% of those needing to be met by other human beings.
We all are reliant on each other — and that alone is terrifying — no wonder so many people are in denial! The more people that come to realize that, however, the kinder and more hopeful this world can become.
I think that my grandparents must have learned to rely on each other and their own selves — and discovered that they could get their needs met through that. They knew that through continuous external searching, no void could be filled.
The more people realize what enough is by acknowledging our similar and yet unique needs, the more we can actually conform to that and find acceptance and peace.
Only then, will we not constantly need to be seeking for more.
