Does Whatever A Pickup Can

In review — Marvel Comics Transformers No. 3 (October 1984)

Sometimes an action/adventure comic book featuring awesome shape-shifting robots from another planet just doesn’t contain enough excitement for the average comic book reader. Sometimes you need a one-issue guest-star to add to the mix.

With Transformers being a Marvel comic, you can guess who that guest-star is. That’s right: Spider-Man. I even remembered the hyphen. Wait, I’d better check if it’s Transformers or Trans-Formers.

I’m going to gloss over all the Spider-Man stuff. That’s because Marvel wants you to forget he ever even appeared in Transformers. He was never there. It. Didn’t. Happen.

I think the only way you’d ever see the two in a crossover these days is if Disney bought out Hasbro and incorporated Optimus Prime and his friends into some hideous gestalt Michael Bay-directed “The Avengers And Spider-Man Vs The Transformers”. It could happen. Stay vigilant.

After last issue’s cliffhanger, the action moves to the Decepticon’s base of operations on Earth with their leader, Megatron, torturing a car mechanic so that he can convert diesel into Transformer fuel. Imagine doing that. Imagine being Sparkplug Witwicky and knowing how to convert fossil fuels into whatever it is that Autobots and Decepticons run on. (You can’t say “Energon” yet, no one’s come up with that word at this point.)

Exactly how this process is done is entirely skipped. All that we know is that Nobel hopeful Sparkplug needs just a sample of Transformers fuel and a “large piece” of the University of Oregon’s chemistry department.

Sparkplug comes up with a wonderful analogy here. “They’re like modern men trying to hack it back in caveman days!” he thinks to himself. I think this nicely sums up the basic premise of the Transformers story. The Autobots and Decepticons, I imagine, are incomprehensibly advanced. They’ve existed for millions of years, bestowed upon themselves numerous technological advancements (in the name of war, sadly), and are indeed a space-faring race. And yet, they’ve never heard of organic life before and now find themselves stranded on a world teeming with it.

In short, the Transformers, advanced as they are, are stranded and desperate. This makes for a much more compelling story. Being published in 1984, this story pre-dates any notion of a “Spark” that in most cases seems to power a Transformer indefinitely until it is extinguished. I personally prefer the drama and desperation portrayed here.

Not to mention that it is the Autobots’ main human ally’s father who is providing the means to refuel the Decepticons!

At this point, it seems like all is lost for the Autobots. And yet they battle on to rescue Sparkplug and thwart the Decepticons. Good for them, I say! Proper heroes, all of them. One particular Autobot, Gears, gets the spotlight this issue. He’s a bit grumpy and a bit of an underdog, too. He also has an adorable (but limited) ability to fly that makes a “sput-sput” sound as it runs out of power.

The Decepticons’ actions haven’t gone unnoticed by the rest of Earth’s population. The American president thinks they are the Russians, while over in Moscow they are suspected to be part of the (real-life) Star Wars project. It’s always nice to see a nod to the Cold War in a 1980s comic book.

The action this issue focuses on a three-way battle between the Autobots, Decepticons, and American military. That’s right, those Portland cops last issue made good on their promise to call in the army.

Artist Frank Springer provides an arresting panel that depicts the media, hungry for propaganda, oblivious to the actions of the real enemy. I wonder if this image was at all requested by the script (written by Jim Salicrup) or it came entirely from Frank. While this picture is from a toy-based comic published in 1984, it’s a powerful image that resonates even today.

Transformers: encouraging a distrust of mainstream media AND seemingly harmless tape players and cassettes.

As with last issue, a lot of the Transformers get a few nice moments. There’s a nice scene between Brawn and Rumble and Frenzy that highlights the brother-like relationship between the two Decepticons.

Another nice, bubbling subplot is the growing tension between Megatron and Starscream. The best villains have a constant thorn in their side, but the subversive way Starscream tries to belittle his leader is a great touch.

Of course it is the Autobot, Gears (with help from that spider guy) that saves the day. This mighty Marvel team-up, complete with sparkling repartee, takes on Ravage, Soundwave, and even Megatron! Oh, it’s a shame that Spider-Man couldn’t have stayed around for longer than this one issue. But, reasons.

The script and artwork, as per last issue, continue to provide a clear and well paced story filled with drama and characterisation. I just hope that anyone put off by the mess of the first issue returns for the rest of the mini-series.

By the end of the issue Buster and his father are reunited, but this moment is soured by the revelation that Megatron succeeded in getting the fuel conversion process he craved. It’s another brilliant cliffhanger and, worse than last issue, it’s a brutal (perceived) betrayal.

The Autobots’ trust of humans is tentative at best at this point, and now that the Decepticons are fully fuelled thanks to the help of a human, that trust is about to be severely tested. And with only one issue left of this mini-series, every detail and subplot has built up to promise a dramatic finale.