Last Minutes

2023, Nov. 22

At my last minutes, I realized it was not death which made me afraid.

It was the fear of dying like everyone else.

It was the fear of what comes after death.

The fear of passing away not knowing the truth of reality.

After all, I am human too.

A pitiful pile of soon-to-be-dirt.

Someone who will be forgotten in the dust of this world.

Someone who never existed at all.

I am human, I realized.

I was raised to be kind,

but at last thrown into a world not suitable for humans to live in,

created by humans themselves.

I at last learned to close my eyes and wait for death to arrive.

It sure is slow, very lonely and very cold.

Maybe at the other end

I’ll see light, and wake up to a new reality.

I think, maybe, I can find happiness there.

Reality, maybe, I think, can be whatever I want it to be.

Yet suddenly, at my last minutes,

I really wanted to cry.

Cry about all those bitter and sweet I had in this world,

Just for myself to never exist.

How come?

I think it’s because I am human after all

And I cannot control anything

Reality?

How funny.