Riddles of my life, left Unsolved!!
What if I ain’t a mental patient, the fact is i am going through mental trauma. The scent of success became poisonous than the feel of betrayal. The harder the life flows, dangerous has been the content of living. Love has exchanged meanings with liking to attraction. Hatred some days has turned to unexpected regrets of not allowing feelings to pass through!
Dear life,
Did I somewhere lose my conscience in the runway of narrow paths with the highest heels? I swear, I was carrying my balance on the stage of crowds supporting me, but when I had to pass that gravel path, lacking cheers, I was literally searching for the motivations as my co-strength. Well, that’s where the journey of loneliness began and the time when I made the greatest mistake of mind playing superiority to heart. I was under pressure to be the best, the race of slight over confidence where I lost my career in search of prestige!! I wasn't overwhelmed by the good remarks I was getting, indeed I was trying harder every passing day to sharpen and boost myself. Ignoring people was never in my gene but misunderstanding took life away from me.
Those people whom I loved the most, took me as their prop for instant happiness, leaving behind me alone on the muddled path. Puzzles of life were getting hints and insecurities to strength of togetherness. My feelings were about to explode, but they remained a mystery forever. Untold stories of you and me could never come among talks. You gave up, walked away, wishing luck for my pillow to hold my enormous tears. I cried in dismay for months and went to silent depression for 2 months. Mystery man, do you even know, people mark that I am out of feelings? but, they would never know the times I have gone through during my past. The regret is I could not even ever tell you. One day to share if we would meet again.
Does brilliancy even matters?
why do I fall in love every night, like I miss those talks every seconds. U and I ! life was the happiest place to live in. My days used to cherish in your talks and nights with awaited morning’s to have a fresh start by your morning wish. Whenever I get an approach, today the first thing I fear is of departure. Those hard times I had, times I had spend within my selves nurturing me as if nth has ever happened. I search that you vibes in every guy I meet, but I could never find. You were life to my unromantic days indeed my man to shower those beautiful feelings. I don’t know, what clinged the worst, that you went away, life miss you the most. I had many things to say, wishes to kiss your lips and hug you tight. I ain’t being nostalgic to your deeds, but that hidden reason of you and I being separated for ever. I deleted all our past chats and photos, but today I search for ways to get them back. I stalk your empty profile more than thrice a day, to overwhelm my hunger of feelings for you. I wanna say that I have loved you like the rays of sun and brightness of moon. Wanted you like the warmth in cold. Life is always gonna keep you in my prayers.
Dear bin,
The unsolved riddles of my life is wanting to know, if you ever felt in love, only for the smallest instances of time, like you were all mine and I was meant to be yours??
When this enormous initial phase of life was going on, the crucial phase of career was wanting me to gain some more pain. U and I weren’t that capable to hold as well as understand career feelings.
I was focused on goals of better achievement, somewhere the pace when I lost you forever. Today, when I go through our empty chat heads, I regret on my empty success. No doubt, I gained some confidences, but the insecurity that, may be I can never again trust anyone. My fear of losing life again, and heading to depression. Today, when ever I write a poem, you are the most featured character. Life those and these days aren’t that easier as they used to be. Those words under the sky to kill challenges under the sun has now become hectic. Going through challenges has now changed its meaning to impossible.
Times passed, but never the hope expired. Life was searching for chances and mind ready to face every obstacles. Failure had ruled superiority over my confidence those days. Inner strength to spend life in limelight now became optional in front of grace. The time when I was truly and totally unknown about what I was doing and what the result is gonna be. I didn’t know if the decision I was holding and going through was my goal or just a lust to my dreams that would only be caged in box of desires. I could feel every humiliation of successful voices at that time. Mind used to have questions whenever I faced the mirror.
Results, the pity decisions made, with the flow of time, like the hardness of hurdles passing through at that course were insane. It was like going through the pathway of thrones, mind all blank on the disappearance of thoughts. Ohh, like what to do. No fields to adjust on, may be I was straight forwarded to the hurried decision. Or, may be I was brainwashed, by the thoughts I met every secs. Those days, conditions were unpredictable, the age where every single new ideas would feel beautiful. Yeas, that is the one, I have always wanted to do. But, the case is we used to be bounded in certain limits of friends and families. The only thing that could be explored in our visions was media, the medium to be influenced by photographs and styles.
Did I go selfish? In that unworthy time of confusions, heading to distractions, did I made a mistake on knowing you more? Was I that selfish, of thinking only about myself? You said, I was changed, but I was moving along with the hectic flow of time and situations those days. My mind was scattered in flow of visions, but you were prioritized the most. I always had a guilt, on not letting you know, how precious you were to me, you and I separated our paths. These riddles are always gonna make me sick, How can I solve it? And make myself free from all these caged thoughts? Was I only wrong and he the victim? I am so confused!! These confused riddles disturbs me every night! Give me suggestions, I wanna get out this shit!!
