It’s Time for Change at Family Court

We are all fighting for our children and we all love our children more than life itself, so it’s time to reveal a project by Family Court Reform which we hope will force the Ministry of Justice to speak with us (and when I say us I am hoping that if we get the Ministry of Justice to sit down with us, then there’ll be a seat at the table for other organisations too, no matter what gender they are set up for or neutral). Every single person who gets involved with project below will be helping us to make serious change…Intrigued? Then read on for more details…..

Reading social media when those you follow have had something to do with family court is a heart wrenching experience, people from all over the world with sad stories to tell. I wish it could be so different.

Men are abused, women are abused, in fact abuse isn’t gender specific which means that everyone is at risk of ending up in a broken family court system in the UK (and most likely worldwide). It got me thinking a lot, how can I make a difference? but the answer to that question remained the same every time, “I can’t, I cannot make a difference by myself.” However, I don’t plan on stopping trying anytime soon. The question is, are you lot with me? If the answer to that is, “yes” then perhaps there’s a chance we can enforce change.

What is the core problem with family court? Many people have tried answering that and they come up with different answers, but so much of it boils down to the fact that people in power (judges, magistrates etc) don’t seem to understand how domestic abuse affects a person. They seem to always put it down to “the break down of a relationship.” No, it absolutely isn’t, people are getting away with murder, literally in some circumstances, even going as far as changing murder to manslaughter because they were in an intimate relationship WTF (would never use that language normally in an article, but seriously WTF).

I wanted to cover the question hanging over everyone trying to make a difference for whatever reason. Yes I started a bit of a thing when I wrote my first article, yes it did perhaps tread on the toes of some groups that were already out there. I then got slated by a lot of men because my last article only had female examples in it, in hindsight that was probably a mistake, but nothing was meant by it, it was just how it panned out, it was not done on purpose. I linked to Dr Proudman as she makes a lot of good points but people automatically thought I was in league with her or agreed with everything she says. For the record she does say some important and valuable stuff, I won’t shy away from that, but I do not agree with everything she says.

Now for a slightly unusual paragraph before I get to the nitty gritty. This is where I lay my cards on the table for all to see. I absolutely think Womens Aid do a fantastic job, I am however concerned that by now there isn’t also effective organisations for other genders, it’s got to be realised by the majority of the population that all genders can be abused, therefore there should be effective separate organisations set up to help each or all genders. The majority of the public will support womens domestic abuse charity’s and there’s nothing wrong with that, but charities for other genders seem to get left behind, probably because the awareness of male or other gender abuse is so low. We need to raise awareness for men plus the LGBT+ community, as abuse is rife there just as it is elsewhere. To make things as clear as possible, I support help for anyone who is abused, simple as that really, no need to make it any more complicated, no need to try and challenge me for whatever reason.

Can we all work together? No, we absolutely can’t sadly. As much as we all have good intentions, there are key differences in what we are trying to change. We all know that the family court system in the UK is broken, we all know why it’s broken, we just can’t agree on every single point, and that’s ok within the UK because we’re free to choose, however it means that we seem to be fracturing support numbers.

So, how do we cut through that fracture? Is there a way to borrow other groups followers for one big project? Well, after all my negativity saying we can’t work together or my disapproval that there aren’t enough services out there for other genders, I am now going to be more positive. I have a plan, something that will force the Ministry of Justice to respond, BUT I would need to borrow followers from everywhere, so if you run an organisation such as, Gender Parity UK (AKA Family Court Reform Coalition UK), Womens Aid, Family Court Crisis and all of you out there please help us force the conversation. What do I mean by force the conversation? I want to push the Ministry of Justice into a corner, so they have to speak to us. How are we going to do that? Here’s the plan.

· Anyone who feels they have a reason to complain about their treatment in family court I want you to write a letter of complaint to the Ministry of Justice.

· Ensure you don’t put any peoples names (including Judges, Magistrates etc) in the complaint but do put your court reference and the name of the court at the top of your complaint.

· Send them to Family Court Reform, via our dedicated simple email address, fcr@post.com

· We will spend money to promote this during October, November & December to try and get thousands of letters (we know from our own research there are definitely thousands of complaints over the last few years, doesn’t matter where in the UK you are)

· In January we will print out all your letters, put them in an array of colourful envelopes (there’s a good reason for this as you’ll see) on your behalf and go to London and hand deliver thousands of complaints at the same time, but that’s not what will get them to come out and discuss the issues, the next point will though.

· I have already spoken to some national TV News channels, I intend to use my contacts in the media to get many, if not all, the TV News channels to be there on the date and at the time when I hand over the letters. Imagine how good it will look with boxes full of a rainbow of coloured envelopes. It’s eye catching and will make people take notice. Oh and we plan to take some survivors of abuse along with us to speak to the media about why they got involved.

· This will bring out a minister, hopefully the Justice Minister themselves to react, the only way they can react is by promising to look at the issues and talk to us.

· At this point I will speak with the organisations who are fighting for change, I will offer them the chance to get involved with the meetings at the Ministry of Justice, so you can put your main points forward. An opportunity to ask for change directly. Instead of hoping that someone official reads one of your social media posts and thinks that’s a good idea.

· Finally, there is one more golden nugget, I will have at least two MP’s from the government there, hopefully more, but this is my shock and awe plan, they surely have to listen, they will surely have to start making changes.

So if you run an organisation that wants to make a difference, but are frustrated that all these people can’t work together because of key differences in beliefs, well this is your chance to say your piece.

We can’t join together to make one big happy family, but we all have a few things in common, that is to make family court fair, to stop abusers getting their grubby little hands on our children and keep them safe. Domestic Abuse training needs to be drastically improved. A judge should never be able to tell a victim of years of abuse to “park it”, abusers don’t change, if they were a danger to us then they’re a danger to the children. They’ve got to stop thinking that all abuse is just because of a breakup. They need to stop gender bias, no supporting women just because that was the tradition years ago, or no supporting men because you think you’re doing the right thing by changing tradition. Look at each case on its own merit. If it’s possible that parents can work together then that’s great but don’t force them to communicate normally with their abusers when there are apps out there to help it’s totally unfair. Stop ignoring domestic abuse, if someone is capable of abusing their partner (who they’re supposed to love), then they are more than capable of hurting a child. I’ve already exposed some of the malpractice at CAFCASS, so the Ministry of Justice will have to tackle that also.

I understand that some people may take exception to this article, I’m used to it. People hiding behind their keyboards will attack me like last time but I don’t care. In my heart I only have positive reasons for doing this, I want to protect our children. The courts certainly can’t do it, CAFCASS can’t either and neither do social services. Someone needs to pop their head up like a meerkat and take some action. We can talk forever, but that will not bring about change.

Obviously there are some pretty big costs involved in a project such as this, just imagine the amount of ink we will use, then there’s paper, time, transport, fuel and the list goes on. If you would like to donate even just £1 then we’d be eternally grateful. To donate just use the QR code below, point your phone camera at it and click, or use this link https://gofund.me/348da2a0

Important Note — This article makes accusations against those who are supposed to look after our children, I have to point out that within this group there are some good people who understand that this is about the children and understands how important it is to look at domestic abuse properly and doesn’t just put it down to the relationship break up. I’d like to thank those people. This article isn’t about you, it’s about your colleagues.