Under what circumstances can people who have been “deeply in love” be good friends?
The person you love deeply may not be with you until the end, but he has walked heavily on your heart and left deep traces.
If you’ve loved someone but can’t be with them anymore, and you can’t let go of them, you’ll still want to talk to them and see them once in a while.
Some people are very affectionate and don’t hate each other, so they still want to keep in touch with them.
But can you still be friends? Don’t jump to conclusions, let’s see what the research says.
Research on Relationships with Exes
In a study conducted in the United States, it was found that about half of the people (between 49% and 62%) have crossed the friendship line with their exes.
These people are enjoying their freedom while reliving old dreams.
Further research suggests that while most people believe they can remain friends after crossing friendship boundaries, the results are not necessarily the same:
1. one-third kept the status quo.
2. another third returned to a purely friendship relationship.
3. about 1 in 10 develop a deeper love relationship.
4. and a quarter of them don’t even become friends anymore.
Even if they choose to remain friends, internal uncertainty, jealousy, and anger are still inevitable.
This means that when you choose to take that step of not wanting to be just friends anymore, you have to accept the bad consequences that come along with it at the same time, and the chances of being happy are few and far between.
Why do people stay friends after a breakup?
Those who manage to stay friends after a breakup usually have the following characteristics:
1. If the man initiates the breakup, it is easier for both parties to stay friends.
2. if they were already friends before the relationship, there is a higher chance that they will return to friendship after the breakup.
3. Couples who positively discuss their breakup are more likely to stay friends after the breakup.
From the social exchange theory, the reason for choosing to remain friends after a breakup is often to maintain some element of the mutual benefits derived from the relationship.
because of the desire to gain something from the other person and not to lose it.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be monetary gain; it could be friendship support or the fact that the other person understands you and is a pleasure to talk to.
Or he has something very attractive to you, is your very favorite friend, love relationship results, the friendship is still continuing.
On the other hand, if every encounter is accompanied by conflict, resentment or negative feelings, even if you agree verbally to be friends, you will often want to break off the relationship.
The question of “Can we be friends after a breakup” is not only about how much of the relationship is left but also about one’s ability to deal with emotions and attitude towards the past.
Although most people have good expectations, the reality is often not that simple.
If a breakup is unpleasant and causes one person to struggle to get over it or even try to get back together, it can often lead to a breakup of the relationship.
In addition, if one partner starts a new relationship soon after the breakup, it will be a big deal to the other partner, making it harder for them to remain friends.
Only a few people can maintain a friendship after a breakup, and this usually happens
when both partners have forgotten the past, can face each other openly, and can grow together.
It is okay to be friends with your ex, as long as the above conditions are met, he can be your best friend forever, always blessing and helping each other.
But if you can’t do the above, don’t be friends with your ex anymore,
it’s just a kind of entanglement, it’s not that you’re not generous, but you want to live a good life.
Psychologists point out that the pain of a broken relationship will dissipate over time, and the negative emotions will gradually diminish.
But if you keep going back to him, you will be affected by him again, and you won’t be able to get out of it.
It’s not him who won’t let you go, it’s the fantasy you’re looking forward to. You can try writing a diary of your lost love, which will allow you to see how you feel from the perspective of others.
Don’t want to cherish you, can’t be together, give up on you, even if he still loves you, you are no longer important, the more you pull him not to let go, the more he wants to escape.
That’s why, as mentioned above, people who want to get back together after a breakup are easily disconnected from each other.
At this time you should always pay love, pay love to the relationship, and pay love to yourself!
Recognize what you have done in the relationship and love yourself! Don’t deny yourself just because he left.
Give love to the relationship, remember the good things he gave you, thank him and bless him.
Instead of being sad that he can’t be with you, be happy that he doesn’t have to struggle in a dissatisfying relationship.
It’s not about being a saint, it’s about thinking positively and attracting a good relationship for yourself.
If he doesn’t reciprocate, it means he’s the wrong person!
If you are so kind and loving, the Universe will set you up with someone better, but if you keep criticizing him and resenting him, you will continue to be deprived because the Universe thinks you don’t want good love.
