Want To Become Successful? Do These 10 Things Immediately.
“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.” — Benjamin Franklin
The best investment you will ever make is to invest in yourself.
This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending JJ Virgin’s Mindshare Summit for the 2nd year in a row.
I am incredibly selective of the travel I commit to. As a mother of 3 kids running a full time practice, time away from my life is precious and I need to make every second count.
I wanted to make sure I left a different person than when I started.
And I did.
Here are the top 10 lessons I’ve learned from the experts who were here on how to achieve extraordinary success in your relationships, business, and to maximize productivity in your life.
1. Set A Specific Intention And Goal
“Our goals can only be achieved through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.” — Pablo Picasso
On the flight over, my partner, Giovanni and I were discussing what we wanted out of this conference.
I made a very specific, conscious goal and intention for this trip:
- I was going to deepen the relationships with 10 people whom I already knew
- And I was going to fall in to love with 10 new people who I thought were awesome individuals.
This intention I set for the trip put me in tension.
Why? Because I am a notorious introvert.
I am ridiculously shy.
I can barely get a few words with new people out before my face goes bright red, and I say something quirky, and have a Dirty Dancing “I carried a watermelon” moment.
So this goal was already wayyyy out of my comfort zone.
But, as any of you who have ever dabbled in personal development know, stretching yourself is where all the magic happens.
All growth, and all progression occurs outside of your comfort zone.
2. You Have A Responsibility…So Get Out Of Your Own Way
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” — Marianne Williamson
So, I set my in tensioned intention, and when we arrived, I wanted to survey the landscape.
I walked through the main hall, where all the sponsors were busy setting up, and I even peeked in the main room. 500+ seats…
…for some of the best doctors and health practitioners in the country.
Uh oh.
My imposter syndrome gremlin was awakened from her slumber.
My imposter syndrome gremlin, with her menacing smile, programmed self-doubt, and expertise self-sabotage was suddenly awake, chuckling, and ready to jump right in:
“You are not smart enough to be here”
“Who are you to even think you are making any sort impact in health?”
“You are waayyyyy out of your league”
“People are not going to take you seriously”
“Go home immediately. You don’t belong here”
Enter the panic.
The shallow, rapid breathing.
The overwhelm.
I was having a panic attack.
I asked, nay, begged Giovanni if we could go home.
And I was dead serious.
I needed to run away. To get back home and hide under the covers of my comfortable, safe bed.
Of course he refused.
We happened to walk by a session in progress lead by my good friend Chris Winfield, who is an expert in PR.
He was talking about being fearless and getting your message out.
The room was full, so we stood at the back.
He put up the quote by Marianne Williamson, noticed we were there, and called me out to the crowd:
“Oh Steph, I’m so glad you’re here to hear this:
You HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY to get your message out.”
Gio looked over at me and smiled, and I just could not believe the timing.
A few seconds earlier I was ready to go home. Questioning my worth, and Chris had singled me out with the perfect message. I was stunned.
Tears sprung to my face.
This served to show me that so often the biggest obstacle for growth is not some external ceiling.
The biggest obstacle is often ourselves.
So just shut that gremlin up, get out of your own way, and set on your path and do what you are supposed to do….because it is your responsibility, in exchange for your time on this earth, to leave it a little better than the way you found it.
3. Move Like A Predator
“When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body.” — Christian Louboutin
Bo Eason, former pro NFL turned high performance speaking coach talked about commanding stage presence.
Part of what he spoke about was ‘physicality’, and how to have a commanding presence.
For clarity, I do not mean a predator like a criminal or a pedophile.
I mean to move like you MEAN IT.
Stand up straight.
Walk with purpose.
Be powerfully present.
I loved this message so much. Especially for women.
Not only do I talk posture all day in clinical practice, but this has far reaching effects beyond the neurological implications of posture.
There is nothing more primal, that which can command more raw energy than a woman.
Think about childbirth.
Think about the mama bear, the tiger mamas, the sheer unleashing of pure, unaltered power of a mother when she has to protect her children.
We see this in the wild, and we see this on the playground.
There is nothing more predatory, more primal, and more powerful for a woman to do than to harness and surrender to her feminine power.
For clarity, that does NOT mean you need to move, talk, and walk like a man.
If you are NOT a man…you do not need to look, move, or dress like one.
So often we see women who climb the corporate ladder who look, walk, and talk like men because that is what we THINK we need to do.
My takeaway from this session was to be ALL IN for harnessing and unleashing your feminine energy, and that of those around you.
That means acknowledge other people for the qualities you see in them, surrender to all of who you are, and support women along the way.
I have talked about the neurological differences between a man and a woman here, and this discussion on the physicality of presence was a perfect compliment to this.
4. Be Unapologetically You
“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better place.” — Raymond Holt
This brings me naturally to this point. Be unapologetically you.
For me, that means I can (and should) simultaneously do a deep, cerebral dive in pathophysiology, and biology, whilst wearing makeup and gorgeous high heels.
Or that I can (and should) make quirky jokes with constant references to 90’s movies AND have insights into autophagy, protein deacetylation, and nutrient sensing pathways.
These 2 seemingly unrelated characteristics have often been pegged on opposite ends of a spectrum…but I am here to tell you that they can and do coexist.
It is OK, nay, encouraged to be all of who you are.
Once I surrendered to this idea, not surprisingly, I met and connected with other women just like me.
Other woman who were smart AF, rocking their businesses, who embraced and celebrated all of them.
The takeaway here for me was be all of who you are. Without exception. Without apology.
How can you be more of you?
5. Acquire New Skills To Ascend To The Next Level Of Success
“Leadership is hard. It’s a skill. It’s a technique.” — Jocko Willink
High performance expert and best-selling author Brendon Burchard delivered one of the most eye opening inspiring keynotes I have ever had the pleasure of being witness to.
He discussed the research in his High Performance Habits book and revealed that the top high performers are always looking to acquire new skills that will get them to the net level of success.
These high performers understand that being a leader, a transformational one, requires the constant evolution and acquisition of new skills.
It is NOT enough to optimize the skills you have.
It is essential to aquire and master new skills.
My own coach Alex Charfen has discussed this with me in the past, and the lesson was reinforced by Brendon.
The skill set that you have learned and perhaps even optimized to get you where you are will not serve you in ascending to the next level.
In fact, these skills can even so far as to maim you in your efforts in ascension.
6. Seek Clarity
“Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.” — Jim Rohn
In the quest for clarity, Brendon talked about seeking clarity with self.
Ask yourself this question:
Who do I want to be in the future?
And the follow up questions would be — what are the skills, people, and habits I need to develop to become that person?
This can be applied in:
Your Business (what do I want my business to be in 5 years from now?)
Your Love Life (what do I want my relationship to look like in 3 months?)
Your Professional Skill Set (what do I want my skill set to be in a year?)
Seek clarity in the areas of your life that matter to you.
7. Demonstrate Courage
“Fear is peeing your pants. Courage is doing what you have to do with wet pants.” — Dan Sullivan
This for me is related to being more of you are, and you have a responsibility.
Another gem from this weekend was understanding the importance of standing up for yourself, your ideas, and the people around you that matter.
It would be far too easy to not speak on the truth I know.
To let bullies, uninformed muggles, and online haters direct my actions.
But that would not be courageous.
Standing up for your ideas and yourself is not only the right thing to do, but it develops self-trust, your courage, and resilience.
8. Busy Work Is Not Your Life’s Work
“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” — John Lennon
Oh this one is juicy. Re-read this one a few times.
Brendon discussed how high performers spent 60% of their time doing something he called PQO.
Prolific Quality Output
Meaning, what are the outputs in your space that matter the most?
Identify what those things are and then OBSESS about them.
All day. Err day.
Being busy is not the same as forward momentum. Maybe you answered 30 DMs, or responded to 100 emails today, or spent 2 hours on Facebook…but these are not the outputs that MATTER.
Your busy work is not your life’s work. Rearrange how you spend your time so that you are appropriating it to your PQO.
9. Surrender To Serendipity
“Your network is your net worth” — Porter Gale
Take the time to connect with people.
Be genuinely curious about other people, their stories, what they are doing, and how you can help.
Do you know anyone who is self made?
No, you don’t.
That is because no one is self-made.
And if someone tells you they are. They are lying.
Arnold Schwartnegger once famously said “it is not true that I am self-made. Like everyone, to get to where I am, I stood on the shoulders of giants.”
On the shoulders of giants.
We succeed by helping each other. It doesn’t need to be as grandiose or elaborate as a sacrificial lamb.
Help often comes in smaller, more useful bites.
It can be helping them gain clarity, giving them a useful idea, or just being a good human and giving them some of your precious time to help them sort through or support with something.
The biggest luxury we have, that cannot be leveraged, is our time. Spend part of this precious currency on people you can help.
I have been on the receiving end of this and know first hand how much it is appreciated.
JJ Virgin, arguably the most successful woman in the health space, took me under her wing, and has mentored, advised me, and has spent her valuable currency, her time, on helping me grow.
Her time is valuable. And she chose to spend some of it on me.
I want to do this for others, and to continue learning from those who have reached mastery.
A general rule of thumb I like to employ is to spend about a 1/3 of my time with colleagues who are just like me, 1/3 of people who are further ahead than me, and a 1/3 of people who are behind me.
A rising tide lifts all boats.
Be generous with your time.
You don’t have to know it all. You just have to be willing to help.
10. Start By Giving
“True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. No strings attached. No expectations. Time and love are the most valuable possession you can share.” — Suze Orman
Nic Kusmich talked this weekend about making sure you are always starting off any relationship by giving value first.
This for me was in such alignment with my core values.
Business isn’t about B to B or B to C.
It is about being a real human being.
It is human to human.
Start by giving someone else useful information, a useful strategy or hack.
Take the time to think about what someone might need to move the needle and get them a little closer to their goals.
Make it easy, and make it consumable.
I spend an extraordinary time thinking about what my practice members and clients need from me.
This isn’t about being manipulative or sneaky. It is about thinking about how can you start a relationship off with anyone on the right foot.
To serve first with love, and gratitude.
In my world, whether it is healing the brain, or losing weight, people need incremental steps that are achievable.
You cannot go from beginner to competing in the Cross Fit games. Nor do you lose 30 pounds in a finger snap.
What you can do is meaningfully give to people, and think about how you can create easy and achievable wins for the people you serve.
Think about all the steps the people you work with need to achieve their goal, and break it down into easy, step wise, incremental wins.
Conclusion
“Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” — Aristotle
Success is not an overnight thing. And you do not do it alone.
The path to success is marred in hard work, mentorship, community and productivity.
While some of these you may have heard before, remember, common sense is not always common practice.
These lessons have been honed by the world’s leading experts in life, business, and relationships for maximum productivity, momentum, and happiness.
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