When is ‘giving up’ actually self-care?
Is stubborn perseverance undermining your ability to thrive?
In a society that values perseverance and determination, giving up can feel like failure. But what if we’re thinking about it all wrong? What if, sometimes, giving up is actually an act of self-care?
If you’re weighing up whether to quit on something or not, I encourage to start asking yourself some important questions. The first is: are you sure the situation or goal you’re striving for is something you truly want for yourself? Or are you doing it because someone else expects it of you? If it’s the latter, it’s time to reevaluate. Living life according to someone else’s expectations is a sure-fire way to end up feeling unhappy and unfulfilled.
Next, consider whether the end is in sight or if it’s still a distant unknown. Sometimes you may feel like quitting when you’re close to the finish line — simply out of fatigue and anticipation of the end of your journey. But I believe that if you can see the end, you can summon the strength to get there. But if it’s still a distant unknown and you’re feeling drained, it might be time to reassess.
You’re allowed to evolve and grow, and many things you start in good faith can become unsuited to you, over time.
Another important question to ask is whether you’ve outgrown the situation or pathway you’re on. It’s okay to change your mind or to realize that something no longer resonates with you. You’re allowed to evolve and grow, and many things you start in good faith can become unsuited to you, over time.
Next, check in to see if you’re ignoring or missing consistent signs that a particular path isn’t for you. When you are attached to a particular outcome (or the idea of being ‘committed’) and you’ve invested time and energy into a situation, it can be easy to ignore the signs that it’s wiser for us to let go. Are you keeping your eyes open to life’s signals? Are you willing to listen? If life is sending you the appropriate signs — things you may be seeing, hearing, or feeling — it might be time to let go of the desire to ‘fight on’, and surrender.
Of course, you should also pay attention to whether the situation is causing you mental, emotional, or physical harm. Your health should always be your top priority and there are very, very few goals worth losing your health over.
Note: If you’re feeling like quitting life itself, please reach out to a trusted supporter for help. You’re precious, you have much to contribute, and you deserve to be taken care of.
Finally, take some time to consider your pattern of perseverance. Have you walked away from things too easily in the past? Or have you stuck with things for too long? If you’re the type to give up at the first sign of difficulty, it might be time to strengthen your grit muscle. But if you’ve persevered through a lot in the past and have a history of completion, that feeling of ‘wanting to walk away’ is probably incredibly meaningful and valid.
So, when is giving up actually self-care? It’s when we’ve asked ourselves these questions (and any others that may come to mind) and you’ve realized that walking away is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.
By quitting something that isn’t serving you, you’re opening up space for new opportunities and experiences.
It’s important to remember that walking away from one situation doesn’t mean you’re losing out. By quitting something that isn’t serving you, you’re opening up space for new opportunities and experiences. You’re prioritizing self-love over stickability, and that’s something to be proud of.
So, if you’re feeling like giving up on something, right now, take a deep breath and ask yourself the questions above. Remember that quitting can be an act of self-care. It’s not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength, courage, and a deep commitment to self.
Kim Forrester is a mother, nature lover, global traveller, holistic well-being advocate, and kindness enthusiast. As an award-winning author, educator and consultant, Kim combines cutting-edge science with spiritual philosophy to inspire holistic well-being and fullness of living.
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