The Beauty of Cooling Off
What I’ve learned from not reacting to anything right away
Recently, I had a very good friend who hurt me pretty badly. I was furious. It wasn’t enough that he overlooked coming to one of the biggest events that had ever happened to me. It was also the fact that he expected me to be cool about it and continue to show up for everyone else’s big events. He expected me to not be upset or even say anything.
When someone hurts you, it’s natural to react strongly. Regardless of how they hurt you: not showing up, hanging out with a group of friends without you, overlooking a big event in your life or even going futher into lying, betrayal, etc. This hurt can come intentionally or unintentionally.
Take a moment to breathe before reacting. Is it possible you’re over-thinking or that your response right now might lead to you regretting your response later on.
This is one of the hardest things to do. Yes you want to see them be upset or “pay” for what they did to you. I was like this for a very long time. I would blow up and fend for my rights right away. It usually lead to hurt feelings, not making things better, and loss of friendships.
There is a time and place to confront what happened. That time and place is usually not immediately after. You can’t change what has happened but you can change your response to it.
Take some time apart. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Give yourself some time to cool off and get yourself together. Really think through what you want to say. Think about the most loving way to react under the circumstances.
Wait until you’re coming from a level headed place to respond. You’ll at least have a better sense of what you want for this circumstance. Maybe you don’t know the full scope of what actually happened. This cooling off time allows you to really consider everything before responding.
Immediate response is usually heated and heady. You want to hurt the other person and many times say or do things you regret. The beauty of cooling off is that you can respond in a way that you won’t regret. You react from a place of peace instead of emotion. Even if the situation can’t be resolved, you at least in this case have the ability to part on your terms and with kindness.
