Tantra To Empower Your Spiritual Growth

18th March 2018

What if everything you’ve ever been told about relationships is not true?

What if you get to make all the rules so that they’re aligned with your truth?

The other day, I decided to explore the ‘Tantra for Singles’ workshop at Agama. The mixed reviews about this place sparked my curiosity further to find out what this place had to offer. And after landing in Koh Phangan, I decided to set myself the intention of exploring this area of my life, which had been neglected for so long now. And what better place to enhance it than here — the Island of Tantra.

We began the session with a brief intro from our teachers (a couple who have decided to be in an open relationship for 9 years now) and they went on to ask us what beliefs we have about relationships and sex that still hold ‘true’ with us today.

After this, we split off into small groups to discuss what benefits come from a relationship whether we decide to choose one of commitment, Poly, Traditional etc. This is a list containing some of the things that came up:

• Personal Growth
• Exploration/Experimenting
• Independence
• Friendships — in the sense that we have multiple friends as we gain and share different experiences with each of them — could this not be the case for a relationship too?
• Support expansion
• Love, Compassion, Non-judgement
• Commitment out of choice
• Mutually Empowering one another
• Open, Curious, Going into the unknown

So what is a Tantric Relationship? If everything can be spiritual or Divine, from material things, relationships and nature etc since all of it comes from the Divine, then does connecting with these things mean we can connect to our higher self?

A Tantric Relationship is Mutual Spiritual Growth?

Throughout the day, we did various exercises in pairs (choosing a different partner each time to mix it up and go outside of our comfort zone). The exercises included speaking our truth in the moment, from saying what we imagined the other person to be and leading as well as following a movement sequence from one another. Each one brought up different challenges for each of us.

The first exercise — how did I feel after the short 5 minutes of Spiritual Growth?

• Warm connection
• Being authentic, real and honest
• Love
• Realised that we do this in everyday life with people anyway — so we’re practising tantra everyday then?
• No expectation or attachment
• No ego since the goal was simply spiritual growth and saying goodbye was easy because it was beautiful while it lasted.

The thing about attachment (something that can come up for me at the most unexpected times and is still something I‘m continuing to work on) — watch it as it comes up, is it serving me? No, then look at how I can let it go.

If someone is being an ‘asshole’ or ‘unconscious’, this can be a great lesson in itself. And learning to walk away is a really empowering feeling. Sometimes we think the pain, misery and suffering is the lesson but is that just what we tell ourselves after it’s happened? Taking action and walking away can be our greatest growth in this case.

And if you’re with someone and you both come to the end of your journey, it’s time to let go and that’s ok since it’s just part of your mutual spiritual growth.

Biology

There are certain mechanisms within our bodies, which are telling us to have babies. And that’s where infatuation comes in. The brain mechanism kicks off when you feel this incredible connection with someone, which makes you kind of obsessed with them and even tricks you into thinking this connection is coming from a higher place, a message that’s it’s ‘meant to be’. Apparently it’s just our bodies telling us to ‘get pregnant and have babies’ with this person.

Another interesting thing to note is the same part of our brain, which connects us to our romantic partners is the same part that connects us to our parents. So when they say, we choose or look for our parents in our romantic partners, it’s not as weird as we think it is. It’s just Biology.

The useful thing to note is the patterns we have had in the relationships we choose. If one parent was smothering, are you getting into relationships with the clingy/needy types? If one was emotionally unavailable, are you attracted to those traits in your partner?

What if you broke these patterns and chose to be with someone who is emotionally available, balanced and grounded. We have an inherent resistance to the unfamiliar, the unknown. Even if your mum was controlling or manipulative, you still survived it and maybe it made you a rebel, more exciting and fun. So, when someone comes along, who is really nice, loving and kind, it’s different and unknown and something you’re not used to, you’re resistant to it.

Perhaps, we need to exercise the lucidity of these feelings and emotions that arise? Is this good for me and my spiritual growth? Do we want similar things? What part of me is drawn to this person? When the emotional and mind connection attraction is strong, slowly the physical grows too. And sometimes it’s the other way around.

Mirroring Exercise (Get into pairs and take turns to lead a movement sequence with the background music)

Am I resisting or am I surrendering? I was quite surprised at how easy I found it to lead. I just allowed it to flow, whatever I felt like doing, I went with that. I listened to my body and to what I wanted, which felt super empowering. I let go of all judgement and thought ‘Hm, What do I want right now? What’s flowing for me?’ And just followed that feeling.

“Life feels amazing when we surrender to our authentic self, to how we feel beyond the ego and without judgement”

Communication Exercise (Get into pairs and take turns to say what you’re feeling in that moment. Leave some time and space for silence and then switch turns)

I’m super pleased at how I didn’t get attached to what was being said by my partner or even myself. Although, I did respond to their words, in my head, so maybe that is a form of getting attached and holding on to what they’re saying. I found that I had so many thoughts, my challenge was picking just one, to say out loud.

The way we see other people and life is how we see ourselves.

“We do not see the world as it is, We see the world the way we are”

The next exercise had us walking around the room and with each person we bump into, we say ‘I imagine you are…’

The idea was to acknowledge what we were saying and take note of that — NOT what the other person said. It’s about recognising our own stuff and not taking anything other people say personally.

I actually loved this exercise because whatever anyone said, I thought ‘Aww you’re just saying that about yourself, that’s cool’. So I didn’t take it on for myself, meaning I wasn’t seeing it as a compliment or as an insult.

What if we lived life like this, where everything that is being said by others can simply be seen as a projection of who they are? After this exercise, we were asked to recognise any repeating patterns of feelings, experiences, situations in relationships and then discuss it with a member in our group.

I thought about things that people have said to me, when it comes to relationships ‘Just have fun and explore’. But if that’s not what I want in that moment then is this really the right thing to give into? And I’ve judged myself in the past and thought ‘Is it me? Should I just let go and see what happens?’ Even though I REALLY don’t want to!

No, they want to explore and have fun and they’re putting that projection onto me, to get me on the same page.

Next exercise: Do the opposite of what you normally do, in order to help break your patterns. Notice that going into the unknown is actually safe once you push past the fear. There lies freedom (not death).

The thing with this exercise is you’re doing what’s not normal or comfortable for you (in a safe space). However, you STILL get to decide and say No. So as with any situation in the outside world, while it’s good to push ourselves into the unknown, it’s still empowering to do that so it’s aligned with who we are. And this comes down to what was mentioned earlier — just because it’s uncomfortable, doesn’t mean it should be miserable or have you suffer. Uncomfortable could simply be different and not what you normally do. For example, being the first one to speak because usually you’re the last one or usually you don’t like sharing at all. It’s always ok to say NO to what we REALLY don’t want. I’ve actually experienced situations where I haven’t been able to do that because I’ve thought ‘This is what I should do in order to go outside of my comfort zone’.

The final part of the workshop focused on the Anahata Chakra and a ritual to finish off the practice.

Anahata (the Heart Chakra) — The unconditional and expansive love, which also refers to self-love. The love from wanting what’s best for everyone involved and setting boundaries. The love that dissolves ego (thoughts and feelings we’re created to protect ourselves).

When you’re in survival mechanism, you’re in a fear (ego) state, not in your loving state.

But How Do We Reach This Stage?

Meditation and Acceptance of what is, feeling Gratitude everyday. It starts with self-love before you can start to share the love with others. But deep down, inside of you, You Are Love. It can’t be destroyed, only discovered and expressed.

We ended the workshop with a paired meditation to focus on all the chakras and manifest our ideal Tantric partners into our lives. And quite a few people came out feeling like this was the best part of the entire workshop :)