Saying Goodbye to the Blogger I was…

To become the Writer I want to be

About two weeks after I wrote my most recent blog post, I pulled up my blog and discovered that every single image was missing. Header image, post photos, profile picture… everything… gone! For no reason! I hadn’t touched it since publishing that last post… changed no settings. It was the strangest thing.

You would think this would have sent me into a complete tizzy trying to figure out what went wrong and how to get it back in order. But it didn’t. In fact, I didn’t attempt to fix anything until a couple of days later. I put back my header and sidebar images and restored the image from only my latest post.

For nearly a month, my blog sat in that disheveled state and I didn’t care. Even more interesting… nobody else seemed to care either!
Nobody contacted me to say, “Hey Christie, what’s up with your blog?”
Not one single person.

I saw this as a sign.
The looming inevitable that I’d been afraid to face…

It was time to say goodbye to ChatterBox Christie.

It had been coming for a long time. I’d been alluding to it and my readers undoubtedly sensed it… Especially with the long absences here and on my social media profiles. I could no longer deny that my days as the blogger my audience had come to know and love for the past 7 years, are over.
(my God… has it really been SEVEN years???)

I couldn’t continue to straddle the fence.

I kept trying to hold on but there was no point… because there was nothing to hold on to. The more I tried, the worse I felt. The blog represented a life I truly loved, but have now outgrown. Trying to make it fit became an unnecessary struggle.

ChatterBox Christie is not what it used to be.
It’s no longer a blog. I’m no longer a brand.

ChatterBox Christie is now, JUST ME.

^^^ The hardest thing in the world for me to say out loud. ^^^

I will miss this.

I already do!
I miss my blog-buddies… the amazing relationships I’ve created and treasured.
I miss my radio show. I miss the conferences. I miss the opportunities. I miss the fun.
It’s not about not having the time anymore… and let’s face it, I really don’t.
Now, it’s about not having the desire.

This may sound strange to you but it is an evident truth for me:

As long as I’m a “blogger,” I will never allow myself to be a “writer”
(at least not the kind of writer that I really want to get back to being.)

I once prided myself on managing to be considered “influential” while remaining “niche-less” and refusing to be labeled a “mommy-blogger” (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Who knew this seemingly vast open space I created for the purpose of freely expressing myself, boxed me in… confined me… in ways that are now only visible with hindsight.

My blog represented the “pressure” of a brand that I can no longer support. I tried ways to make it fit my new “lifestyle” and it didn’t really work to my advantage or to my readers/followers.

I tried to blame my lack of creativity and writer’s block on my job. The truth is… trying to be a brand and blogger (with all that it implies) has been the culprit.

It’s hard not to run down the list of experiences I’ll no longer have. The perks I’ll no longer get. The invitations that will no longer grace my inbox.

It’s hard not to wonder if I’ve made a colossal mistake.

The bigger mistake would be remaining shackled to my blog out of fear… afraid to let go of something that no longer positively serves my soul to grab onto something that will.

I feel as if I have severed a limb.

But like with most amputations, it was necessary… evasive, but life-saving… and it will be better for me in the long run.
(I just keep telling myself that… and pray that it’s true)

I’m not going to lie to you… this was f-ing hard!
Letting go of something I’ve built… a dream I dared to pursue… is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.

I’ve done it before. It wasn’t much fun then either.

The last time I did this was in 2007 when I shut down my highly profitable corporate relocation business. A niche that I created and a business I ran on my own for 7 successful years. I gave it all up to be a writer and full-time mom.

There’s that number 7 again… Something about it… like an itch, I guess. (big heavy sigh)

Writing this post was more for me than it was for you.

I needed to say this… and while I wanted my readers to hear it… I needed to hear myself say it out loud. And I need to tell myself that it’s okay.

That I’m going to be okay.
I am okay.

Every evolution the ChatterBox has made over the years has always been a good one… “My Life, A Work In Progress” “The ChatterBox Show” “Inside the ChatterBox” and “The ChatterBox Reviews” “ChatterBox Christie… (and everything in between)

I appreciate every single one of you who have been here for any portion of my time in this space. I am grateful for those of you who are reading this today and may be “meeting” me for the first time. I hope to take you all with me on the next leg of this journey. My adventures in storytelling are just getting started…