How Teaching Gave Me the Gift of Empathy

By Dan Parvu, Former Teacher and Assistant Principal

Names have been changed to preserve the privacy of those involved in this story.

When I was in the fifth grade, my teacher, Mr. Campbell, who I dearly loved, let us know that one of our classmates, Mark, was diagnosed with leukemia and would not be in class for a while — he was very sick. We did not really understand what leukemia was or what it meant for our friend, but we knew it had to be serious enough for our teacher to let us know as a group what was happening. I went home that day, troubled by what I learned, and I remember very clearly telling my parents about it. My parents’ first reaction was: “Oh my goodness — his poor parents!” Forty years later it always sat with me that my parents’ first reaction was one of empathy for what his parents must have been going through. Now that I am a father, I completely understand. Being empathetic to others takes time.

Later that year, my friend Mark came back to class a few times, and at one point came back to class without his hair. Our teacher let us know ahead of time what was about to happen so none of us would react inappropriately. To make sure that this friend was welcomed and loved without the worry of being laughed at or having anyone make fun of him was such a compassionate act. I was struck by how kind it was for our teacher to do this. That day, when he arrived in class, everyone was so happy just to see him and know he was with us for those few brief days.

I was lucky. I had a wonderful teacher who was not only being empathetic himself, but was teaching us how to express empathy. I believe I ultimately chose to become a teacher largely due to a few teachers that had such an impact in my formative years. One of the many things they taught me in addition to my academics was the importance of being empathetic. In an excellent article about empathy, Psychology Today states:

“Empathy. It’s the bedrock of intimacy and close connection; in its absence, relationships remain emotionally shallow, defined largely by mutual interests or shared activities…Empathy involves identifying with what someone is feeling and, additionally, actually feeling those feelings yourself…it also puts on the brakes when we are behaving badly and become aware of the pain we’re causing.”

I would love to be able to say today that I was empathetic and considerate in everything I did as a teacher, and in every moment and interaction I had with my students. Empathy, to me, did not come overnight, but I sure wish it had. I only wish I knew then what I know now. If I could only go back and tell my beginning teacher self what I would learn after years of interacting with my students.

Teaching taught me to be empathetic. My time as a teacher gave me the gift of trying to be a more empathetic father, husband, employee, and manager in my current role. My students came to my class with a myriad of issues, challenges, and circumstances that I was not equipped to address coming out of college and starting as a teacher. I would have been so better prepared if I just stopped and asked myself if I could really understand where they were coming from.

Think of all the stressors that our students, employees, or family members bring to us every day:

• School demands and frustrations
• Negative thoughts or feelings about themselves
• Changes in their bodies
• Problems with friends and/or peers at school
• Unsafe living environment/neighborhood
• Separation or divorce of parents
• Chronic illness or severe problems in the family
• Death of a loved one
• Moving or changing schools
• Taking on too many activities or having too high expectations
• Family financial problems

Think about how often we stop and ask ourselves how those issues are affecting the ways our students act, respond, and conduct themselves?

In my current role as a K-12 district sales manager, I have eight sales representatives that directly report to me. We touch literally thousands of schools and students every day. My sales representatives’ jobs are very stressful, very demanding jobs. We work with superintendents, CAOs, curriculum directors, supervisors, coordinators, teachers, and students. Every day we face issues that we do not necessarily know how to solve, and we address issues that schools are facing in doing their best to reach students. Before I react to any situation, I try very hard to ask myself, what is my customer’s perspective? What may they be dealing with in their personal or professional lives? I believe empathy always helps.

I have come up with a few tips on how to slow down and consider someone else's feelings and feel them myself before responding:

Stop

Critical in this effort is to stop and recognize the need for empathy. We could live and work side-by-side with other people and remain as clueless about their inner selves and feelings as we are about those of strangers.

Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability helps us connect with others, because it communicates that we are human, complete with our own weaknesses, hurts, and fears.

Don’t Assume

Assumptions are the enemy of empathy. To have assumptions is to harbor preconceived notions that are not based on true understanding or experience.

Use Your Imagination

The ability to imagine what someone else is feeling, even if we have not experienced it ourselves, is critical to empathy.

Express Your Perspective

Put yourself in their shoes, experience the moment as if it were happening to you, and let your emotions be your guide.

Just imagine if we lived in a world where everyone stopped to consider other people’s feelings. Think about the impact that would have on politics, family life, and business and personal relationships all over the world. I truly believe if we could understand where others are coming from, the world would be a different place. By practicing empathy, we feel what others are going through before making important decisions.

My friend in elementary school did not make it to sixth grade. However, somehow, some way, I surely hope he knows how much what he and his family were going through had an impact on who I have become. I never forgot the lesson. Now I try to never forget to be empathetic.

Dan Parvu has been working in education through both the public school and private sector for 28 years. He began his career as a teacher in 1994 in Palm Beach County School District in Florida. In his 11 years in public education, Dan was a 4th and 5th grade math and science teacher, a high school art teacher, an Assistant Principal and Director of the Instructional Materials Department serving the needs of over 175,000 students. He attended Florida Atlantic University and holds a master’s degree in Educational Leadership. It is in the instructional materials department that he was introduced to the publishing business. Dan’s first job in the publishing world came as a 6–12 textbook sales representative in Northeast Florida. Dan enjoys public speaking and building lifelong friendships with his customers and sales reps. Dan Joined the McGraw Hill company in August of 2021. He now leads a team of eight sales reps in Ohio and Wisconsin serving K-12 education directors, teachers, and students. He lives in Westerville, Ohio with his wife, two boys and their dog named Ginger.