Why Kindness Must Be Explicitly Taught to Early Learners
By Jessica Painter, Elementary Teacher
In an ever-changing and ever-disagreeing world, something that everyone can agree on is the importance of kindness. As educators, we receive our class in the fall and often have the expectation that kindness is something that our students should just know. We act appalled when little Johnny pushes little Billy for “no reason”. We are in disbelief when Jenny screams at Suzie when she has a problem. What teacher hasn’t second-guessed the parenting of those children in those moments?
The truth is, though, if we are honest with ourselves, none of these things should surprise us. There is a reason you do not have to teach children how to misbehave or be unkind… they already know that! It’s ingrained in them. In my college years, I aided in a toddler classroom. One of the toddlers was told not to touch something. In response, they closed their eyes, then proceeded to walk towards the very thing they were told not to touch, peeking through squinted eyelids to see where they were going! Who taught them that? No one. It’s simply a part of the nature of the child. Children are wonderful! However, they are also not going to necessarily choose to do the right and kind thing on their own 100% of the time. They have to be taught what is right and kind before being left to make those choices. This is where the disconnect in education often is, but that’s ok! I’m here to help.
When teaching Kindergarten and first grade, I always began the year by reading Have You Filled a Bucket Today by Carol McCloud. If you’ve never heard this story, give it a good listen on YouTube or buy yourself a copy. It’s more than worth it! It talks about how everyone carries around an invisible bucket and you can either fill someone’s bucket with kind thoughts, words, and deeds or you can dip their buckets with unkind thoughts, words, and deeds. One of the best points the author makes is how you can never fill your own bucket by dipping someone else’s. After reading this book, we talk about what bucket-filling and bucket-dipping thoughts, words, and deeds are.
Interestingly enough, what I have found is that oftentimes, students do not always know what a kind thought, word, or deed is! They have no problems coming up with examples of unkind thoughts, words, and deeds. They have plenty of life experiences to pull from regarding that, even at the ripe old age of five. We spend a lot of time coming up with specific examples of what we can think, say, and do to be kind to one another. This usually begins with me giving them an example. Then, I move into specific scenarios and we do a think/pair/share with partners to see how someone can be kind in that scenario. With help and guidance, they are able to do this and we gradually get to a point where they can produce examples of kindness on their own without prompting.
This is never a one-day discussion. We actually refer to our “buckets” all year long. There are plenty of extra resources on TPT that go with this book and we do many different activities sprinkled into the first couple of weeks of school to really ingrain it in our students. Following that, while we don’t do bucket activities, we keep the bucket language going for the rest of the year. When students get into disagreements or fights throughout the year, we refer to our buckets when discussing the incident. I always inform parents of the bucket language as well, and I send them the link to the read-aloud on YouTube so that they can start using the same language at home. This helps to bridge the gap between school and home making kindness even more long-lasting. I have even been thanked by parents because it has given them something concrete to refer to when discussing kindness and behavior at home.
Are we still going to have students who choose unkindness or misbehavior, even after investing all of this time in bucket filling? Of course. However, keep in mind that just because a student’s behavior isn’t changing that year does not mean that the message isn’t resonating.
We know this from academics as well. Some students just take longer to catch on than others. You never know how you may be impacting your students in the long term. Additionally, we do not truly know what their home life and language is like. What you need to remember is that your job is to set the tone for your classroom. When those students walk into your classroom, your expectation is kindness. If that is your expectation, it needs to be properly explained and taught. We can’t operate under the assumption that students know what that means. Quite the opposite actually! Assume they don’t know. Teach them; then re-teach them, and continue to re-teach them as needed. When we invest that time and energy, we make impacts for the better towards a much more kind future.
Jessica has 12 years of experience as a classroom teacher. Over the years, she has enjoyed many funny “kid quotes,” mentoring student teachers, and leading up educational initiatives. In her free time, Jessica enjoys spending time with her husband and 3 children, taking her collie for walks, connecting with other educators, and enjoying large cups of coffee.
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