9 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Graduating
Please learn from my mistakes.
I graduated in July 2018. Since then, I’ve worked as a prison officer, spent 5 months unemployed and accidentally stumbled into SEO.
The latter is something I really enjoy and I’ve helped brands across the world bring more traffic to their sites.
But I got lucky.
After ditching the prison service, I had no plans. I just had to leave the toxic environment which was severely impacting my mental health. (Feeling like you’ll be punched by a prisoner every time you walk into work can really sh*t you up!)
I was lost.
I scrambled from one interview to the next, clueless as to how I was going to put my economics degree to use.
Through it all, I looked for answers. Clarity. I wanted to know that despite my false starts, everything would work out okay. And I desperately wanted to learn skills that would help me push on, despite all the uncertainty.
Which brings us to this.
Here are 9 things I wish I known before graduating.
1. You’ll forget 90% of what you learn in lectures
Seriously, don’t stress about those graphs and economic equations.
Once you’ve finished your exams, you’ll never see them again.
2. Meditation can be your best friend
The goal of meditation isn’t to control your thoughts. It’s to stop letting them control you.
I used to think meditation was hippy-dippy, only practiced by yogis and Buddha.
But I was desperate.
After months spent unemployed, stewing before interviews, all my good vibes were gone. In their place stepped fear, fear and fear. I needed help.
Crawling through online articles did little to calm my mind, but I did come across something interesting. This interest turned to skepticism, and eventually it turned into practice. Now, I call it one of my best friends.
Transcendental Meditation is practiced by the likes of Emily Blunt [7:25 minutes in] and Ray Dalio [25:59 minutes in], and involves the use of a mantra.
Hugh Jackman likens TM to letting your monkey brain climb up a pole and then back down, and doing this over and over again.
It works.
By practicing for 20 minutes every morning, I’m able to clear unnecessary thoughts that clutter my mind. As James Altucher puts it, you’ll do less time-travelling and feel ready to tackle the day.
NB: If you’re interested, 1 Giant Mind is a great place to start with TM. I’m not affiliated with them in any way but I wish I was given the amount of people I direct their way!
3. You’ll underestimate the importance of colleagues
Before I got my first graduate job, I thought a salary and a free gym membership were the most important things.
I was wrong.
Again.
None of this matters. It’s all periphery.
What really matters when it comes to work (at least in my experience) are the following:
- Who you sit near
- What you’re working on
- Skills you’re developing
If you can do interesting work that you enjoy and that challenges you, whilst being surrounded by positive, easy-going colleagues, you’ll probably be okay.
If the job pays well, that’s just a bonus.
4. Gratitude is a superpower
As Tony Robbins puts it:
If you change your expectations to appreciation, your life will change in an instant.
Okay, so my experience with gratitude hasn’t been so speedy. However, over the last couple of years, practicing gratitude has certainly helped.
When I’m able to take a moment to appreciate the smaller things in my life, I feel lifted.
A couple of resources have helped my cultivate this.
- During a cold shower every morning, I list 3 things I’m grateful for. By tying it to this activity, I’m less likely to forget the practice and it helps take my mind off the discomfort.
- Using The 5 Minute Journal every morning to list 3 things I’m grateful for, to repeat a personal affirmation and to consider what would make today great.
NB: Once again, I’m not affiliated with The 5 Minute Journal. I just find this book incredibly useful.
5. Friendships are never 50–50
Throughout Uni, I found friendships easily.
I was constantly surrounded by people I adored, not because I was a particularly good friend, but because I didn’t need to make an effort.
In the library? Hey, there’s George! On a lunch break? There’s Frankie! The campus gym? Look at James working those glutes!
This all changed after graduating.
For the first time in my life, I needed to make an effort. Gone were the school days and gone were the uni days. If I wanted to see somebody, I would have to make it happen.
And that’s when loneliness set in. My phone was quiet, partying was a thing of the past and I started to wonder whether people liked me at all.
Then I came across this little 50–50 nugget from Joey Coleman, Author of Never Lose A Customer Again.
Thanks to Joey, I’ve come to appreciate there will always be one person putting more effort into a friendship than the other person at any given time.
Sometimes, that person might be you.
For example, you might be trying to organise a holiday away and get annoyed that the other person doesn’t seem to care. A classic 80–20 split.
However, there will be other times when you’re really busy and you’re not able to contact someone as much as you would like. They may be the one trying hard to organise meetups and coffee dates. It might be 30–70.
Both of these are okay.
We all have restraints on our time and focus. Just because someone hasn’t been in touch in a while, doesn’t mean they don’t want to be friends.
If you know someone is particularly time-strapped and usually they’d make the effort, give them the benefit of the doubt.
They’ll thank you for it.
6. It’s okay to let go
There are a lot of people who will drift into your life. And a lot more will drift out. I’d say from my friends at Uni, I’ve stayed in touch with 5 or 6. For me, that’s okay.
As Rockefeller once said,
“I’d rather have 4 quarters than a 100 nickels.”
You don’t have to be friends for life.
7. Being vulnerable is one of the best decisions you can make
During Uni, I distinctly remember sharing very little about myself. I’d clam up in group settings, divert attention away from myself as much as possible and NEVER tell someone how I was really feeling.
It sucked.
After hitting the same road blocks in my relationships and realising I had unresolved trauma, I saw a therapist. This is the single greatest decision I’ve ever made.
It turns out not knowing my biological Dad has f*cked me up, as has seeing my step-brother in rehab. This sh*t ain’t pretty and it was only by talking to someone could I begin the process of working through it.
Of becoming aware of the shame I’ve harboured.
Of thinking about what I want from these relationships.
Of understanding I’m not to blame.
In turn, this process of speaking openly has made me more comfortable sharing these truths with others.
Once you start expressing your truths and revealing more about who you are, others are drawn to it, like moths by light.
You form closer bonds and friendships.
You realise you’re never alone.
Your vulnerability becomes a strength. I wish I’d embraced mine sooner.
8. Being present is the greatest gift
In my experience, time travelling is painful.
So I like to remember this:
By virtue of being able to read these words right now, you’re okay.
Things are good.
Unless you’re being eaten by a lion, don’t stress.
9. You’ll know when you’re being a false version of yourself
During my first year at Uni, I tried to be that cool guy that didn’t say much.
He thought chatting was pointless.
He gave one word answers.
He thought he was better than everyone else.
Looking back, I’m horrified! I thought I was cool when actually I was just being a boring f*ck. I realise now my behaviour was born out of insecurities — insecurities I’ve since been resolving with the help of my therapist and close friends.
This is where I’m meant to say, “be true to yourself”, right? Well, WTF does this even mean?! Damned if I know.
I prefer to say don’t be a false version of yourself. You see, I guarantee you’ll feel uncomfortable when you’re trying to be someone you’re definitely not.
And by stripping all this bullsh*t away, you get closer and closer to who you really are.
Let me know in the comments section below — which of these tips do you find useful? Have you just finished Uni or about to start? What challenges are you facing right now?
Scott Stockdale is an SEO Executive at The Hut Group (THG) and host of Entrepreneurs Can Party — a top 10 rated podcast listened to in over 45 countries. He graduated from The University of East Anglia in 2018 where he received his BSc in Economics.
You can connect with Scott by listening to his podcast, Entrepreneurs Can Party.
