How to Leverage Rejection for Growth
It brings your motivations to the surface
I had been anxiously waiting for the phone call the entire afternoon and evening. This would be the phone call that would prove my hard work paid off. This would be the phone call that would change my future plans, for the summer, and possibly the rest of my life. I sat in my room, knee bouncing, staring at my phone on the other side of the bed.
After what felt like an eternity, it rang.
The voice on the other end said, “Thank you for interviewing with us today. Unfortunately, we will not be extending you an offer for our summer internship program.”
I almost didn’t believe it. I ended the conversation, after receiving a few minutes of candid feedback, and stared at the wall. My lip started to quiver, and hot tears welled up in my eyes. I was disappointed, yes. I had just spent an entire day in interviews for this coveted consulting internship — a day preceded by case competitions, countless hours of case interview preparation, meetings with employees, and more interviews.
I had dedicated over 2 months to preparing for this interview. Actually, it was more like 2 years if you count all the work I had done to build my consulting industry-approved resume.
Yet, despite the initial sting of rejection after that phone call, there was another pang deep in my gut. I needed to tell everyone close to me that I had been rejected.
I needed to tell my parents, my boyfriend, my mentors, my close friends, everyone who had been rooting for me over the last few months. That seemed worse than the rejection itself, and so I had to ask myself, why?
Pride Stands in the Way of Growth
In a moment of rejection, those feelings of anger and humiliation often well up from a deep sense of personal pride.
Pride says “You should have gotten that job and your interviewers are stupid not to give it to you.”
Pride tells you to reason your way out of things as an act of self-preservation.
Pride can make you feel invincible by shuttering out bad feelings.
But pride can also be your greatest barrier to growth and understanding. You can choose to set your pride aside and sit in vulnerability for a few moments and really think.
Who or what are you working for?
Rejection exposes motivation in ways that very few experiences can.
Perhaps you applied for a job that didn’t work out. Or maybe you were nominated for an award that you didn’t win. Maybe you thought you were the shoe-in for that promotion that went to your co-worker.
While direct, or even indirect, rejection is painful in the moment, it affords you a unique opportunity to evaluate what your motivations really are.
I worked very hard to get that consulting internship. Naturally, the rejection hurt because my hard work didn’t pay off in the way that I wanted to. However, I realized that even more painful for me was telling other people that I had been rejected.
When I really boiled it down, I came to the conclusion that my main motivation for pursuing that internship was that I wanted to impress people.
A combination of pride and insecurity clouded my mind for months in my relentless pursuit of that job. And so, when I came out the other side, I finally gained some clarity and saw my motivation for what it really was. That was a hard look in the mirror, but it changed me for the better.
I have found much freedom by shifting my focus away from impressing others for the sake of my pride. This rejection, and many others, have shown me time and again that my sense of worth cannot come from the praise of others. That is a conclusion I could not have reached without rejection exposing my inner motivation for my actions.
I encourage you to allow yourself to be vulnerable to the unpleasant feelings that follow rejection. Don’t let pride stand in the way of an opportunity to grow and learn. Let a moment of rejection become a moment of reflection. Let it change you for the better.
