The key points of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Last week, we featured Grant Cardone’s book Be Obsessed or Be Average, which emphasizes the benefits of caring so much about something that you obsess over it. Today we are countering that argument with a very different message, that of caring less. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck is well-known blogger Mark Manson’s perspective on self-development that touts “giving fewer fucks” as the key to eventual, genuine happiness.
To be clear, by caring less, Manson does not mean adopting an apathetic view towards life. He is very specific about what you should be giving fewer fucks about, namely the things that do not matter in your life: material possessions, others’ opinions, your external appearance of happiness or prosperity. Instead, by discovering and focusing upon your core values, and facing difficulties and problems with acceptance and determination, you will find genuine happiness.
Here are some starter tips:
1. Let go of expectations
A lot of self-help books tell you to focus on the bright side of life, to be happy as much as possible. However, as Manson points out, focusing on being (or being seen as) externally happy actually leads to genuine, internal unhappiness by reminding you of what you don’t have. By letting go of the expectations of what you think comes with external happiness, and embracing reality, you will eventually find what makes you genuinely happy.
2. Excessive self-regard is damaging
Successive generations of children have grown up hearing that they are exceptional, special, and absolutely amazing, even when they are not (think of Dash in The Incredibles, who points out that if everyone is special, then no one is). Because of this excessive self-regard, they form a distorted and entitled view of the world that rotates around external validation. And without that validation, they are unhappy. It is therefore key to put everything in perspective and practice how to not give a hoot about what others say or think of you.
3. Embracing pain can make people happier
It is in human nature to avoid pain via distractions, like gambling or drinking, or even just trying to ignore it. However, you need to confront difficult feelings and emotions so that you can grow psychologically. Manson explains that people find happiness by solving problems, not ignoring them and letting them fester. The very process of taking concrete steps to face difficulties, and then overcoming them, will allow you to blossom.
4. Stay curious and questioning
Don’t get stuck in the misguided belief that everything you think is correct. When you get mired in your own opinions and leave no room for introspection or change of heart, it spells a recipe for disaster (which is probably where this country is headed given the president-elect’s incredible inability to accept criticism). Instead, you should train yourself to be open and curious about new opinions even if they clash with your previous ones. It will lead to more fulfilling experiences.
Despite the superficial contrast in mantras, what Manson has to say actually mirrors Cardone’s call for obsessive behavior. Instead of not actually caring about anything, Manson simply wants you to think deeply and carefully about what you do value, and therefore care about. Then, and only then, you can invest all your energy into caring about the right things.
Merry Christmas, Instareaders! Have a cheery holiday.
Team Instaread
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