BDSM : Consensual Domestic Abuse or Something More?
I am very excited to explore the relationship between BDSM and violence for multitude of reasons. Firstly and most importantly for my own interest in BDSM, and secondly to see how violence and BDSM are linked. However before I overload everyone with statistics I’ll have to share my opinion.
BDSM is viewed as a taboo subject and not commonly discussed openly. Although I am one to talk about my sex life openly, others are not, and that’s perfectly ok! If you want to keep what happens between the sheets (or in this case between the rope) in the bedroom all the power too you. However, if BDSM is a form of CRIMINAL violence then we should not by any means keep this to ourselves!
Before we go any further let’s take a moment to get a better understanding on these two subjects. 1. BDSM 2. VIOLENCE.
- BDSM : an over lapping abbreviation for “Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism”.
Bondage : “ the state or practice of being physically restrained, as by being tied up,chained, or put in handcuffs, for sexual gratification.” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bondage)
Discipline : “ punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/discipline?s=t)
Dominence : rule; control; authority; ascendancy. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/dominance?s=t)
Submission : “ an act or instance of submitting.” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/submission?s=t)
Sadism : “ the condition in which sexual gratification depends oncausing pain or degradation to others.” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sadism?s=t)
Masochism : “ the condition in which sexual gratification depends onsuffering physical pain or humiliation.” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/masochism)
2. Violence : “ Exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse… an instance of violent treatment or procedure…Injury by or as if by distortion, infringement, or profanation…” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/violence)
With a better understanding of BDSM and violence it’s safe to say that BDSM does use forms of violence for sexual gratification. However if BDSM is a form of violence why is it not illegal? Consent. Consent is the only difference between BDSM and sexual assault. Both parties want this form of violence to be acted out, either by giving or receiving these violent acts. I say acted because BDSM is used in scenes, in which the two consenting participants will “do the deed” until either the scene ends or one of the participants wishes to end the scene prematurely. These scenes are the only time the participants will act out these violent acts.
The question : Is BDSM violent? Is a Yes! The question : Is BDSM consensual domestic abuse? is still being debated. But I’d now like to add a third question : Is there good and bad violence? The reason I’m adding this question is the following. If there are people who enjoy BDSM, which I’ve concluded is violence. Could BDSM be a form of good violence?
This is definitively a question to ponder. I for one live a very violent free lifestyle on a day to day bases. I am not agitated easily, I have a healthy relationship at home, and I would dare to say I am content with my life as it stands today. However I enjoy partaking in BDSM. Some may say “Maybe this is a way for you to release your anger?” or even “ maybe you enjoy violence?”.
If I was asked this before I started this paper I would have said “I do not enjoy violence!”, but I feel like I’ve shed light on a few things for myself. I’ve been beat up, I’ve been stabbed, and i’ve been emotionally abused. And to me that was violence and I did not like that. On the other hand, I’ve been bound, I’ve been choked, and I’ve been emotionally abused. And I enjoyed it! Meaning for me violence can either be good or bad. When I’m using violence in a controlled environment I’m able to enjoy it.
As far as consensual domestic abuse goes it may be a possibility. But it is consensual, both parties want to explore a form of domestic abuse that will give them some form of sexual gratification. Although as my opinion stands, consent is consent. Others should have no say over what two consenting adults enjoy doing in their free time.
This question at first seemed fairly straight forward, but ended up only leading too more questions. I hope with more time to research BDSM I’ll be able to find more concrete answers, and with a deeper understanding of violence I’d like to explore the possibilities of it having different forms.
James Aube