Physical Violence: Personal Experience
The government of Canada, specifically the province of Newfoundland and Labrador, defines violence as an act in which there is control over another person and often reflects an imbalance of power between the victim and the abuser. During the first class we discussed what each of us thought about violence and whether violence can be, at times, a necessity or if all violence is wrong and there is never a need for violence under any circumstance. Each person’s opinion has valid points and everyone has their reasons for their views on violence. The focus of this paper will be on relationship violence, self-defense and my personal experience with both. I agree that violence can be a necessity and should be used under certain circumstances.
It is important that a background is given, before I explain my personal experience with both physical and emotional violence regarding my partner. At eighteen I got in my first real relationship, looking back there were a lot of red flags that I ignored because I loved the idea of love. The relationship lasted two years, and I want to make clear that I did not at the time have the courage many people have to get out of the unhealthy relationship I was in. My boyfriend enjoyed drinking, and it resulted in him landing himself in rehab after only a year of being together. Once out he continued to drink and it began to get worse, he began to get aggressive. At first it was never with me, he would punch pillows or walls, but he was very careful never to ‘hit me’ so he was able to say he never hit a girl. Then came the night where he had too much, he blacked out and ended up getting physical with me. I took away his alcohol, which result in him putting me in a chokehold and not letting me go. I tired getting out by yelling and crying but nothing I said made him let go until, I hit him. This is where I believe that violence is acceptable and in certain cases, such as myself, the only option left.
I have always believed that self-defense, or defending someone who is unable to defend themself, is a valid form of violence and there should not be penalized for this particular form of violence. In my particular situation I had no other option other than to hit my partner in order to get out of his grasp. There have been other incidences similar to the first where I was unable to get out without using violence towards him. I look at other cases where someone is being bullied and the victim decides to take a stand in order to not get hurt, these cases are when I agree that violence is valid and often times needed. Although many say violence is not the answer, and there are always better ways, that is not the truth; this is because not everyone responses to ‘talking it out’ and there are situations and cases where talking does nothing. In my experience with my ex-boyfriend it was very clear that my yelling and screaming did not get through to him but once my hand hit him he let go of me and took a step back, realizing that what he had done was wrong.
Violence can take on many forms and the majority of people will state that any harm done to another living thing is violence but as I pointed out there is a time and place for violence. Regarding my own definition of violence, and if it truly is good or bad, I do not believe that defying violence can be as simple as black and white. There is a grey area, such as self-defense or defending others that are unable to defend themselves, that causes my explanation of violence much more difficult than a set definition of right and wrong. Throughout the paper I explained my personal experience with psychical violence and my response to the violence used against me, although a true definition of violence is not as simple as many would like it to be there is a time and place for the use of what many would qualify as violent behavior.
References
“Violence Prevention Initiative: Defining Violence and Abuse.” Newfoundland Labrador Canada. Government of Canada, 23 Oct. 2015. Web. 20 Jan. 2016.
