’Tis the time to swipe.

How to date like a Game Theorist

Published in

Intellectually Yours

4 min readFeb 14, 2022

How do you go about finding “the one” or at least “the next one” in the modern dating scenario? Do you think you need to reconsider your dating strategy? In this article, we will gaze upon the world of dating through the lens of Game Theory.

“It is possible to look at human relationships a little like they are a game of rock, paper, scissors — how you play it is up to you…”

Dating has been an ever-evolving game throughout history. From arranged partners to blind dates to mobile applications like Tinder and Grindr, there have been quite a few changes, and so have the approaches we usually adopt. When it comes to application-based dating, the rules of the game are quite simple. Based on a limited amount of information and a limited set of actions, the “players” have to search through hundreds of profiles in a few seconds to try and score a date, who eventually may become a long-term partner. Let us break the game down into sub-games.

Selecting an appropriate platform

Firstly, you have to pick an appropriate app. Tinder, being the most popular, has the most options, but this also implies a plethora of junk and fake profiles. So finding the right app is the key. There is no well-defined way to find the right app: you have to search for an application that matches your interests. For example, Datefit is an app specially designed for fitness freaks.

Crafting your profile

Next is crafting your profile. When crafting your profile, you need to highlight the attributes you’re most proud of and others find attractive. This is what game theorists would call a “separating strategy”. For your less strong attributes, you should consider playing a “pooling strategy.” If you don’t explicitly write that you don’t play an instrument or have never run a marathon, then potential matches won’t know whether you don’t have those skills or just haven’t written them down.

Setting up a selection (Swipe) Strategy

Even though you set up your preferences and limit your search to certain demographics, there is quite a number to choose from. Narrowing this down further is another subgame! Through the lens of Game Theory, it is vital to identify the “dominant strategy” for each potential profile or “player”. Like Tinder, most apps give the action of right swipe for selection and left swipe for rejection. If the aim is to maximize the number of potential matches, swipe right on every profile. In the end, you will be matched with everyone who right-swiped on you. But is the “dominant strategy” necessarily the optimal strategy? No. That depends on what you are looking for — whether a casual relationship or a long term partner. The dominant strategy works brilliantly if casual relationships are what you desire. If you are searching for a serious partner, prefer the “alternate strategy” i.e. swipe left until you find something particularly interesting and attractive about the profile. This narrows down the field even further and increases your chances of finding the one.

Cheap Talk vs Signaling (It’s not what you think!)

You have successfully picked an app, crafted a profile, adopted an optimal swiping strategy. But how to effectively infer something about someone from a few pieces of information. Since noting on these apps is verified, the information provided is what game theorists refer to as “cheap talk”. Cheap talk is information that doesn’t affect the payoffs directly. To simplify, let’s say you are looking for a date who has an adventurous side and you are not particularly picky about their cuisine choices. So, for you specifically, stating cuisine choices is what you will find as cheap talk. However, when it comes to desirable traits, cheap talk can be misleading. For instance, if someone states that they are adventurous, does that mean that they skydived or just jumped a red. This is where signaling comes into play. In-game theory terms, a signal is a piece of information that has a noticeable effect on the payoff. So what you will consider a signal would be a picture of them skydiving. This means they had to jump out of a plane to get the picture. The costly signals are eye-catching and bring out the desirable traits of the profile

Staying together indefinitely

Now let’s say thanks to an outright strategy you land a date. Both of you like each other and enjoy each other’s company. But you still wonder how long this relationship will last? The answer to this question lies with game theory as well!

Every “player” in the relationship has two choices whether to end things there and then or stay involved in the relationship. Accordingly, a faithful relationship is just a particular form of social cooperation. And all that is needed to keep the cooperation in place is mutual self-interest. It has nothing to do with right or wrong or caring for your partner. It’s all in the game and the focus on payoffs to the individual — or at least, payoffs to the individual plus the shadow of the future. We might still frown upon non-cooperation, but not for the reasons usually assumed. We, as a society, frown on defectors because that’s also part of the game and it’s an important part of what is required to keep cooperation alive in the society at large.

Concluding this piece, dating is a game. Perhaps not as obvious as chess or a series of Rock, paper and scissors but there is an optimal strategy that will land you a date and will also maintain a long-term relationship — if that is your thing!